[nyancatnyan]

For the past 5-6 years I have been experiencing boughts of depression that vary in strength, but are very recurrent. They last different amounts of time, but as I have gotten older they haven't seemed to be as bad as when I was a teenager.

I have also found however, that now my depression seems to cycle almost? I will go through periods of feeling very low and depressed and then feelings of perking back up, and then periods of being impulsive and causing a lot of damage and then becoming depressed once more only to pull myself out of it again. I feel like my priorities and desires are constantly changing.

From what I have found, I often go through periods of depression, and isolate myself quite a bit in the winter time. And towards the summer I become uncharacteristically extroverted and hypersexual.

A few summers ago I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt because a boyfriend of mine broke up with me. After leaving I felt a lot better. And then a good friend of mine died and I became an absolute mess. I spend a ton of money on clothes, I went from having sex with 2 people in my entire life to about 15-20 (I don't even remember) in a few months and binge drinking with completely new friends. A few months later I had changed again from this though.

I dont know if this was potentially due to the events that happened at this time, or just me?

Last summer as well, I cheated on my boyfriend multiple times and binge drank. I manipulated people and I did things that in this moment I dont understand how I had any interest in, I paid off my credit card only to rack it up again in less than a month. My relationship is still healing from what I did, and I am scared I will change again and nothing will ever last.

I have been diagnosed as bipolar once, when I was 16. I didn't take the diagnosis seriously because I found the doctor was asking me leading questions and I never ended up seeing him again, but now I dont know...

What do you think?

[BipolaRNurse]

I think you need to find a mental health professional as soon as you can. They are the only ones who are qualified to evaluate and diagnose you properly. It does sound like you exhibit some bipolar symptoms, but we can't really offer you medical advice as we are not doctors. I wish you all the best as you look for answers.

[Wander]

As BPNurse said, you do show some symptoms of BP but there are strict criteria you must meet to have BP and only a trained professional can do this. It definitely sounds like it is seriously impacting your life so it may be best to get a formal evaluation from a psychiatrist or even a psychologist. They can (hopefully, if you get a good one) diagnose you correctly and begin treatment.

[pirilin]

Your story sounds familiar. However, we are here for support, not guessing what others have.
Diagnostics are serious business which we are not able to provide. I also agree with a medical professional for this. Or maybe two to be on the safe side. Good luck. And welcome!!.

[franz kafka]

I agree with the others... you have good reason to seek the help of a medical professional who can diagnose you.