[Naynay99]

Hey. So I have my pdoc appt in like 30 minutes and I am kind of getting nervous that my pdoc isn't going to listen to me or be able to help.

I hope I don't **** it up and try to appear better than I really am.
I just don't know how to talk to him. I'm going to try tho. I have thought about the words to say so I can bring up sui ideation without him overrreacting. I've never talked about that with him before really.

And I know he is gonna be mad if I actually admit to messing around w my lamictal dose w/o talking to him first. Ugh. I feel like I want him to help me, but I am so defensive and protective of what is inside my head that maybe he can't help me. Maybe I don't know how to be helped...

Anyway I am just sort of scared that it is going to go one of 2 ways- either him acting like I am an emergency (I am not) and overreacting. Or else, him not taking my struggling serious enough bc I am still making it to work most days. (I think this is the more likely scenario). I also worry he is just gonna try to push another ssri AD even tho they don't help me. It's like he doesn't believe me.

Perhaps these are extremes of black or white thinking- maybe he will react with lots and lots of gray thoughts. Somewhere in between? I doubt it but am trying to stay hopeful.
He is just frustrating to try to talk to and I feel sort of overwhelmed about this not going well that I don't even want to show up for my appt now.
I suppose i am just a mess
With me luck.

[Daonnachd]

Good luck. Remember that his goal is to help you, and that's most easily achieved when you are open and honest.

All the best.

Let us know how it goes

I'm usually honest with my pdoc about fiddling with doses, and I always tell him when I've dropped a medication altogether without his knowledge. Never gets mad. I must've admitted it to him 7 or 8 times now, too. lol. So I don't think you admitting to it will make him mad.

As long as you come clean and say WHY you did it, they're usually not all that upset. For example, I stopped Abilify cold turkey. He said, "Why did you do that?" I said, "I don't like it. I didn't feel it was working." He was like, "oh, okay... I agree it wasn't working anyway. HOWEVER, stopping it like that is not a good idea because it could've caused a mood swing! But we'll try something else now."

I don't think he'll treat you as an "emergency case" as long as you tell him exactly how you're feeling. Sometimes when I have suicidal thoughts that aren't serious, I just say, "I have some thoughts where I wish I were dead. Nothing serious, but overwhelmed with everything." That's when he realizes the depression is a big deal.

[Victoria'smom]

Be as honest as you can.

[Unrigged64072835]

Be honest. You pay a lot for his care, but he can't take care of you if you're not honest.

If it helps, write things down and give him your notes.

I'm in a similar situation and have decided I need a new PDOC. I've tried to work through the issues as I hate failed relationships and tend to stay in abusive situations because the evil you know, is better than the evil you don't I guess. But I'm convinced I can find a more understanding, compassionate and validating person to be in my life to support and encourage my wellness. Are you perhaps in need of a change as well? My doctor has gotten upset when I've discontinued my meds....his receptionist even yelled at me about it. That is simply not acceptable. I go to him for help voluntarily, take meds and have no problem taking things which help but I refused to take things that cause more harm than good, as is my right. They have no right to force, strongarm or ridicule me into taking things which make me worse! I go voluntarily, and they are there to provide a service which makes me better and more productive....giving me attitude and then not validating me when I call them on it is not helpful, it's abuse. Too many doctors have GOD complexes and too many people reinforce the idea that doctors are more than what they are....Fallible human beings, as capable of mistakes as the rest of us. I hope your appointment goes well....keep us posted. Your doctor is there to serve you, not the other way around. They get paid to provide a service...just like a fast food worker only they have your life in their hands and should be more courteous and careful....but just because they have a few more years of school than me, does not make them better, smarter and they sure as hell do t know my mind and body more than I do so they be best to remember that. Don't let them abuse you. (((Hugs)))

[Naynay99]

Yeah I have considered switching pdocs. Isn't so easy to find one.
I think mine is an ok droctor, I just don't feel comfortsble with him.

Well I had my appt. i wrote stuff down in the car before hand so I would remember what to say. He took it to put in my file which freaked me out a little, even tho he didn't actually read it - he just listened to me summarize what I wrote and stuck it in my file as a record.
Idk.
He asked about if I planned on hurting or killing myself- I told him no but that I was having some sui thoughts. He seemed satisfied with that. But if I had feelt like going thru with it I think his way of asking would have turned me off being honest with him. Idk.

He brought up 3 ideas- of course ssris were his first suggestion. I tried to tell him how they seemed to make me worse- he wanted to try Zoloft. I said idk. He suggested abilify as an add on med, which scared me a little bc that drug class can have some scary side effects.
But then he put it and my other meds into his computer and there were tons of interactions so he said no go.

His last ideaa was to add low dose Ritalin. He thought maybe it would help with the fatigue. But there is 1 possible med interaction so I have to check with my kidney doctor. I'm sort of feeling hopeless bc if he says no, idk where we go from here.

I tried to bring up upping the lamictal dose, but he was pretty adamant that it wouldn't help with the depression. So I didn't mention I already did up it. I meant to but he made me uncomfortable and I only increased it by 50 mg ifor 3 days. I suppose I can't keep doing it or I will run out of meds early. Idk.

Here's hoping my dr will approve the Ritalin and that taking a stimulant will help some. Gonna see him again as soon as I get a yeah or neigh from primary dr.
Anyway thanks for the support.

I hope the stimulant works for you. Have you been with this doctor long? Might you feel more comfortable with him in time? Just be sure you listen to yourself. I'm a firm believer that if you are uncomfortable with your doctor, it won't be as therapudic in the end. Sometimes it just takes time to get comforter, but if it's something more, following your heart and begin looking for someone new and keep trying until you find someone who makes you feel comfortable.....you will receive better care I believe. Let us know how the stimulant works out.

[Victoria'smom]

Make the GP appointment as soon as you can. So that you can start feeling better. It's really good he gave you choices but if you can't talk to him then that's a deal braker.

[Naynay99]

I am gonna cal my dr tomm and see what he says or if he wants to see me.
It's kind of a pia that I have to come all the way back here but I need a paper script.
I am feeling a little bit hopeful as I have read that add on stimulants can help with depression. But it's frustrating that my other health stuff always complicates everything. Then again the other stuff may be why I am like this- stupid prednisone... ugh.

i think I should prob still look for a new pdoc in case this doesn't feel like it's working out. Idk. He is careful about my health stuff which I like, but we don't really click. When he mentioned abilify I said how i would want to research it first and he acted like i was stupid and was gonna go on answers.com or Wikipedia or something- I'm not an moron, I was planning lto look up current academic journal articles. I do actually have a science degree...
so I don't like the subtle condescension I feel from him. Ah well.

I appreciate everyone's support. I sort of feel like I have been a hot mess lately. It helps to hear from ppl who get it.

[RainyDay107]

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Nene873]

I haven't taken Ritalin, but from my experience, Adderall or Vyvanse work well with Wellbutrin when adding a stimulant. I don't know if they are options for you. I hope you feel better soon and your psychiatrist visits improve!

[Naynay99]

Fffffuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk.

So I spoke to my gp and he said I can't take the Ritalin with another med I have to be on. Just great. I'm disappointed and frustrated with my dwindling options.

So I emailed my pdoc to let him know I can't take it and to request another appt. And I got an auto reply email back saying he will be out of the office between tomorrow and all of next week. Are u ****ing kidding me? He couldn't have mentioned that yesterday?! Even if I was able to take the stim I need a paper rx so I wouldn't be able to get fill it right away. Grr.

Oh- I just got an email from his secretary saying he can see me on April 6. Really??!!! Wtf am I supposed to do until then ? I give up.
Why does the universe hate me...

When it rains, it pours. (((Hugs))). I'm so sorry. Perhaps you can try a different non stim option? I know what it's like to feel the universe is working against you. I really don't think it is, but I understand how it can feel that way. Hang in there....keep posting if it helps. We are listening and care. (((Hugs)))