Does anyone else feel that BP has robbed them?

Thanks for this post. You helped me realize that I might have been an overachiever all those years before I hit the depression because I was hypomanic and that one good thing was that I've been able to be a full-time mom to an incredible human being who is about to go off to college. I appreciate your posts. I can also appreciate that you're pathologically introverted. That's a good way to put it. So am I.

I was an overachiever too. I had some roadblocks which greatly effected my course direction but it's always been part of my personality also. Hypomania seems almost like my brains way of helping me cope, removing inhibition to allow me to experience life in a way I would never have otherwise been able to with my unfortunate pathologies. Take for instance the sharp contrast in my self esteem, that directly positively impacted my ability to be comfortable enough with people to attend school, participate, enjoy people. The ENERGY and need for less sleep that kept me upright and moving when my more typical mood would have had me dragging butt and barely able to comprehend, let alone pass a test with a decent grade. It's not all bad and being steady and stable is most desireable, but physically I don't think it's possible to feel good mentally if you're always sick so I crave hypo more than I should, and annoy people who just don't understand how therapudic hypomania feels for me. I know I will probably upset many people for seemingly perhaps glorifying the experience but these are my feelings.

I'm glad I could help. Being with my children, especially with their specific special needs has been invaluable and so utterly necessary. I beat myself up a lot about my parenting, some for good reason and other times completely unjustly, but I've been a good and loving mother who has tried her best to instill a sense of safety, love and consistency for my children. Everything I've done, I've done out of love and I think that counts for something. I spanks my son lightly a few times and felt horrible guilt and never again. I don't scream or ridicule my children, I'm kind, warm, loving, supportive, compassionate and nurturing. I tried to give my kids everything I felt was lacking in my childhood. My son is struggling and I feel such guilt but I know I did my best. Hindsight is 20/20 on a lot of things but I can't blame myself for not having a crystal ball.

Good luck to you, and go easy on yourself. You are probably much too hard on yourself.

I am not bipolar I have borderline pd and I feel it has robbed me of the life I could have had.

C-PTSD, BP II, several autoimmune conditions -- certainly changed my life.
Total medical disability for over 30 years has also been very difficult. I still have a very strong work ethic instilled within. Many losses I cannot ever recover at this stage in my life.

To Our Healing -- on all levels,

WC

Going to university to give a presentation while in a mixed state then coming back to hospital. Wish me luck.

Good luck, Wander. I hope the presentation goes well.

Yes. I never finished college or got a proper job. I feel like a failure. However I've shaped my children's lives to the better I think.

BP stole over 20 tears of my life. I was quite good at what I did, paid well, and did whatever I wamted when I wanted. Now I am dreading the day I will have to work at the local gas station. My mind was constantly being challenged. Now I cannot recognize things that are obvious, atrophied as my mind is now. Even my physical health is poor. Worst thing is my daughter has only known me with a mental illness that has placed me on disability. She does not know who I once was.

Oh well.

Thanks, I actually meant to post this is the update thread. I am nervous but prepared. feeling good this morning which will help.

It's a strange feeling to reflect on, as i was undoubtedly the one making my own decisions. It was my mind, maybe not perfect, but my own. So i often opt to blame myself more so than my illness, as this is probably what my parents do as well. We are all very logical people, and have trouble seeing unlikely things for what they are. I wonder, what more than 10 lost jobs, a totaled car, no friends, and $30,000 of debt at 25 do i need, to realize i have a problem, which medication may help? Have i already gone to far? Am i just, destine to end my life in spectacular fashion?

I often feel like i have nothing to lose. Couple that with BP, and my mind swims in the deep end all day. I have many life senarios planned out, all seemingly unruly but equally possible.

Death, homelessness, notorious criminal, high ranking banker, hermit, nomad.

All these life senarios cycle through my mind, daily, with equal weight.

Did well in my presentation. At least BP didn't steal that from me. Been studying in a hypomanic frenzy. Just hope I can remember it all for my test next week. I don't want BP to steal my degree from me. IP right now but trying to keep up.

I don't think bipolar has robbed me of my life per say. It and my anxiety have certainly robbed me of being able to be happy and forming meaningful relationships.

I also do feel Kind of robbed.

Academically I Kind of an over-achiever. But I missed out on so many beautiful Things in life during the years that I spent deeply depressed. I was so anxious about everything and couldn't see no Beauty in anything and sticked with a relationship that I should have left Long before and I couldn't cause I felt it would kill me. Those years I see as Kind of lost years, not lost in an academical sense but lost in every other sense.

Every single day.

I feel robbed every single day.

Mid-20s as well. I haven't finished college despite a few attempts to go back (I always flip into a mood episode that makes me drop out again). I can't watch my own son. He's in daycare full-time. I'm at home full-time but still can't manage to keep the house clean. My husband is amazing and totally understands, but I feel like a failure for being such a crappy wife and homemaker and mother. I can't hold down a job even a few hours a month because I get so stressed about it that my husband says, STOP, don't worry about it, you don't need to get a job. In low times, I can't leave the house. I can barely talk to people.

All because of bipolar.

I had such dreams. I did really well in school and would have been successful at most things I wanted to do. All of my college friends graduated. Some got further education. They all have jobs and are rocking life. Some are having multiple children (which is seen as success in my very family-focused religion). I can't even take care of my one child, let alone multiple.

I feel robbed every single day.

Yes, I had to stop teaching because the meds were affecting my memory.

Yes! I feel so f'n robbed!

3/31/84, blacked out, taken to er then sent to psych hospital- where I stayed until insurance ran out. I had just turned 16. None of my friends checked on me or came to see me when I got out, I was completely abandoned. This alone has ****ed me up my whole life. Years and years of therapy have not helped- I can not have friends or be a friend. Its like i have an aura that says- "you don't want me for a friend"
I gained 50 lbs from the old school meds- a slim 120lb teen to i hate myself so ****ing much I cant even look in the mirror. I'm feeling sick to my stomach right now thinking about it.
Facebook has brought back a lot of these feelings (i recently re-opened it), I saw pics of what would have been my 30th class reunion, which included prom pictures (that I didn't get to go to), I cried and some elementary class pics - noticed me in 1 or 2.

My most recent bipolar episode in Nov. did some major damage. Now I won't leave the house alone or drive the car. Bipolar sucks!

btw, I'm bipolar 1 on lithium waiting for a new dr.