[hahayeahtotallylol]

Hello,

I am usually pretty resistant to hospitalization, until forced, living in the woods, or mixed with no meds, but i was wondering:
How many times have you been hospitalized?

I am trying to ease my mind, and convince myself that i am not an uncommon case. Because frankly, my family makes me feel like i am. And by the way, they're moving 300 miles away in two months, so if i don't get on my feet soon, to a shelter with student loans and credit card debt i go.

Anyway, I was hospitalized in November 2013, Fall 2015 (twice), Winter 2016-17 (twice). So 5 times in 3 and a half years.

The annoying thing is, i feel like i need to go back. This time, it isn't really for SI, it is for something that i feel is more of a deep desire that is coming out merely because of life circumstances. And the catch is, going IP will not improve my life circumstances, at all. Staying here and getting a Job, will. But the more i am isolated, the more the thoughts churn.

If anything, going IP will put me in an even worse situation.

Follow-up question: has anyone ever been to a shelter? How much can you bring there? How long can you stay? Do they have showers?

Thanks

[wildflowerchild25]

At my worst I was hospitalized 7 times in one year. I'm very ashamed of that still because most of it was me being a brat and refusing to help myself.

So from age 14-16 I had 6 hospitalizations. From 18-19 I had 7. Then from 25-28 I had 8. That's 21. I believe at least half of those were unnecessary. I am ashamed of how many times I have used IP as an escape.

I have been out of IP for close to two years now. The last time was right after my husband died (that one was necessary). The last major crisis I had I avoided IP even though I really wanted to go. But I knew I didn't NEED to go so I stayed out. I'm proud of myself for that.

[Moose72]

It's usually once a year I think.

I've been hospitalized more times than I'm proud of... although some of it is/was having inadequate outpatient treatment. I have had about a dozen hospitalizations in my life, the most being 5 in a year. Four of my hospitalizations were involuntary and the rest were voluntary.
I have a competent pdoc now and haven't been back to the hospital since.

I wish I could help with info on the shelter but I've never been.

[Nammu]

Hospitalized more times than I can recall. Some of the multiple times were because insurance wouldn't allow me to stay though it was really nessasary to get stable so I was out a day then back in for two and out while they were trying to adjust meds...I now count those times as just one.

For shelters. Don't take anything you can't carry as there's no safe secure place to leave your stuff. Some places have smaller units for those with MI so you might get a room to share with only one or two people but still no place to lock your stuff. Most places you sleep in a large open room with multiple people and you get a spot under the cot to stash what you have with you while you sleep. Most shelters are only open from evening to morning hours and you must leave after a breakfast and can return for super or when they open for sleeping. Some places have lockers but thanks to 9/11 most no longer do.

Yes, most shelters have showers or locker room type places to clean up.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I guess a shelter doesn't sound too bad. What are debt collectors going to do, take my clothes and my paycheck that i use to buy food?

Do some people go to shelters on disability until they find a job and a place they can afford? Because i may have to do that, for a long time.

By the time i stabilize financially, ill undoubtedly be in another crisis of sorts. Ug, feeling down but on lithium is such a weird feeling. Like i could both kill myself, or another, without a change in facial expression. I just.. don't care any more. I've near given up. I am never fulfilled in life, BP aside.

[Nammu]

I think most shelters have time limits of one sort or another. You can stay so many weeks then you need to move to another one. Depending on the time of year they can get full up early.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

God, the amount of energy that i don't currently have, that it takes to merely stay afloat. I don't know what is keeping me going. I think for now in all honesty, it's food, and the unexpected story of the future.

Whatever happens to me, good or bad, i want it to be magnificent.

Ug i cringe at myself

[Wander]

I have been voluntarily hospitalised about 25 times since my first hospitalisation seven years ago. The first few years I spent over half the year inhospitable but more recently it has been about 4 time a year with more stable tie in between. Several times I have almost be hospitalised involuntarily, especially late last year when I really should had but my pdoc didn't care and was useless. The increased stability is due to improved circumstances and better meds. My new doctor should be able to improve my health further.

Oh to add this is over the last seven years.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

For everyone, how many times were voluntary?

I just dread the whole, "You should call your parents", part.

I suffer a lot mentally, and i keep it all in. Yet my parents see me as manipulative and untrustworthy, so even when i cry, they don't believe me. Imagine that? Crying in a psychward and having your parents just look at you with blank faces, then saying "he's not sad" when the psychiatrist explains to them what i'm feeling.

It's just, a ****ing mess. I can pretend so well that i'm fine, that they don't believe when im not. Despite telling my mom i wanted to kill myself when i was Five.

They offer financial support, sure. But my dad made me sign a ****ing Contract with him, saying after 2 months he wouldn't pay for the sober house any more. Well guess what.. i just got fired from my dope financial job and TIMES UP BUDDY. Looks like i have no where to go.

Last time i tried to come home unexpectedly, i got immediately thrown back out.

I feel unjustly persecuted. But i have so much to offer the world. If only i had some love in my life, i think i could be a great person. But in isolation, i am a mad, miserable person.

[Moose72]

All my hospitalizations have been voluntary. Some were involuntary and changed to voluntary. (Involuntary involves court).

[franz kafka]

I've been in hospital I think 9 times now? First was in 2003 and the rest were between 2014-2017. All were "voluntary" technically, though my doctors basically told me I could either go voluntarily or have the cops called on me.

If involuntary involves court I've been screwed harder than I realized. They wanted to hospitalize me at 14 or 15 but mom declined and sure glad she did. Next was after an attempt around age 24. Another around 38, and last one at age 41 I think. I think that's it. I might be missing one but not sure. All were torturous and none of them helped, they traumatized me further and expected a thank you for doing so it seemed. If you can get a job and avoid it, I highly suggest doing so. Some people find IP comforting though, depends on the person and the place I imagine. It's a better option than hurting yourself or others so if that's what you are battling, it might be a necessary evil. Your lodging situation makes it seem tempting I'm sure.

My son might be homeless soon and someone told me about a program for homeless youth that provides an apartment, cafeteria to eat and you must attend school to better yourself. I called the other day but hope this option will not me necessary. I don't know, but perhaps there is something like this in your area? Do you have a therapist who might be able to offer suggestions? Churches or AA might be able to direct you towards lodging too maybe. What you have in front of you sounds more stressful than I can imagine and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

That would sound ideal. I will look into things like this.

I may be deemed "too privileged" for certain benefits, which is my concern. I don't see a therapist any more. Once i move out of the house, i seemed to have forgotten my mind.

It does sound stressful. For me it is more so terrifying. I am starting to get a pressure in my head and usually that is not a good thing.

If you are homeless, so angry you want to hurt yourself or others, you are not privileged. Terrifying sounds more accurate than stressful, I'm sorry to have even put it that way. Even reading what you are up against I'm filled with terror....probably because your situation is hitting very close to home in many ways. There are lots of programs out there for help, you just need to meet the right people to tell you where they are, what to do and where to go. Have you considered disability?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I have considered disability. That, coupled with a shelter could stabilize me. Then it's just the years of treading water to stay afloat my 30k of debt, and maybe at some point i will mature enough to find healthy ways to live, and more importantly, find a reason to.

Is bankruptcy an option?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Yes, that or some sort of debt relief program. I am terrible at planning for things that aren't directly, smacking me in the face - but i need to address this. I also still have hope for getting a job again, i've only given it two weeks. But if my support lines are running out, i will be looking toward government programs.

I almost feel like i'm a piece of **** for utilizing such programs, even the hospital on insurance, when i feel like such a capable individual. It's really hard to grasp, that i have less control than i thought. And it really makes me frustrated.

[Nammu]

Sometimes all we really need to get a handle on stability is a stress free secure home base. Doesn't sound like your parents are helping with that. My stability really started after I got sec8 though HUD and disability. I had a reliable monthly income and a apartment where I could retreat.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

My mind is racing right now, not sure what to say.

Do i need it, will i get back on my feet, do my parents care, do i even care, what will i eat for breakfast tomorrow, do i need inpatient, will i get kicked out of the sober house?

It's basically a matter of, will my parents help with a third months rent while i continue my job search, which for all intents and purposes has only been 2 weeks.

Actually, i think i dont want them to. I don't want to live with 20 criminals who got me to smoke crack with them. And alternatively, i don't want to live with my parents.

I just want to be left alone. And have food and shelter, and peace. For ****s sake.

[RainyDay107]

Around ten times, I lost count. All were voluntary ... one was for five months. Most due to being actively suicidal and the others mania or mixed episodes with psychosis. There were four occasions where I really should have gone, but I didn't have support or help to make it happen. Luckily, I made it through OK.

I really don't ever want to go again...

[Theresa1991]

I have been hospitalized only once and it was voluntarily. September last year.

When I was 15 my mom was thinking about getting me hospitalized but I Kind of got my **** together.

I am often thinking about going back but I don't want to use it as an escape as Long as I can still handle my stuff. Anyway, sometimes I think I can handle Things way too Long out of pride or just because I refuse to take myself seriously. For example I never considered my self-harm a reason to be hospitalized. I felt that I was still doing pretty well cutting every day and that I didn't have any good reason to go there and would be complaining about nothing if I did go.

I've been hospitalized once involuntarily. I don't experience mania often but depression hits me like a dump truck and I don't cope well. I most certainly should have been committed more often.