[dog daze]

I KNOW I need to end this partnership. I KNOW it. He has no capability for intimacy or affection or even empathy. WILL not believe I have a mental illness and I have tried every way I know how to explain it too him. And yet, when I'm having an episode, he antagonizes me, making about how awful I'm being to him. BUT ARRRGGGG ABANDONMENT!!! CHANGE!!! I actually live pretty free from him--we have separate places (long story) and he doesn't really even impact my daily life. He picks up our dogs after school, sometimes takes out the garbage, etc. But he is largely absent by his own choice, then complains that I neglect him. "Cook more" so i cook more and that's not good enough, he doesn't "care" if I cook. "Walk more" so i walk more but it's not fast enough or I get into a routine and he says that I won't stick to it. Runs hot and cold, silent treatment, he's really a miserable bastard. PDoc says he will never be able to give me what I need but I stubbornly try to get love and blood from a stone. THAT'S insanity, friends. Sometimes I think I stay because i've been with him almost my whole adult life and I'm used to him. I even have some sympathy for his condition and I try to understand his fears.
Sometimes I stay because i'm just too tired to leave. Either way, I'm stuck.
Sorry for the pity party. I need a dose of reality I think.

[IntentOnHealing]

OMG. I get the whole narcissist thing. It's rough, and it's addictive. Most women who are with narcissists have been with more than one and/or attracted to them repeatedly. It's definitely an issue to flesh out in therapy. My dad was a narcissist. Although my husband is NOT one, I still have severe effects from narcissists I became entangled with AND my dad. Narcissists can be very scarring, and can definitely exacerbate mood/mental health issues.

But you? You at least you know it NOW. I have to ask you to take a bow. Seriously. Lots of us will either never recognize it, recognize it when we've already been completely destroyed, or not recognize it until after we've ended the relationship.

You are smart. You see this. You understand how it impacts you. You know you need to get away from him. You know he's a miserable bastard. Those are all huge steps. Enormous! They demonstrate that you can do this one. step. at. a time. as you become ready. As you heal. For now, that may be enough until you heal a little more.

If not, then can you maybe come up with some options that are also one. step. at. a. time? For example, you can further minimize contact but without completely ending it? Can you and your T come up with a plan? Maybe coming up with a plan isn't a good idea right now. Maybe just exploring why you ended up with this jerk in the first place is what you need to do. (You know what I mean? My own dad's narcissism STILL affects me to this day. It still gets in the way of my good choices becoming a reality. I need to explore it before I can enact my choices.) But that's me. That's where I am. You are you and may need to do other things.

I just want to encourage you to keep exploring this with us and with your therapist. You become stronger every time you write about or talk with your T, even if you don't feel like it. Even if you fall back into old patterns. Even if you let him hurt you or piss you off again. Why? Because it's a PROCESS.

Remember that: if you try, no matter what happens, you ARE working on it.

And you can do it.

Keep us apprised! We're here for you!

[dog daze]

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement!