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  #26  
Old Apr 16, 2017, 01:21 PM
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After being on psych meds for 20 years, my memory is pretty much shot. and I did not have the best memory before then. I don't remember trips that I have taken, very sad.
Good thing hubby has an excellent memory and he has vowed to take care of me when I am feeble.
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  #27  
Old Apr 16, 2017, 01:35 PM
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I keep forgeting the normal stuff .... I use a note on my steering wheel to buy gas ...
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  #28  
Old Apr 16, 2017, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing View Post
Fharraige, it never occurred to me that lack of exercise could play into this. I used to walk two or three miles almost every day, swim, and squats, pushups, etc. Now I am JUST starting to get back to yoga more regularly but even a 30-minute walk exhausts me. this is the longest, slowest healing I've ever gone through.


Rwwff, what is "spacial modelling." I tried to look it up, then had to look up words in the definition, I hope your improvement continues and that your spouse is kind.


Cocosurvivng, is your memory loss constant? Or does it come and go with episodes? I'm discovering by reviewing these responses that, at least anecdotally, we with bipolar have a lot of memory issues as a group.


Vertigo, I think you're right about spacial navigation. And I also wonder who is "directionally challeged" as my sister calls me. Is that a bipolar thing? I would love to tell her--and my geographic genius of a husband--that, this too, is a reflection of BD. I cannot figure out how to get anywhere, indoors or out, unless I have been there many times. Even then, it can be really hit or miss, especially now.


You also brought up ECT with relation to memory. I have read that it swiss-cheeses recipients' brains. Is that permanent? I have never been able to receive ECT (no insurance) though I wonder often if it might not help me out of this incredibly long slump.


Thank you for bringing up the hippocamus. I am a bit of a research nut, but unfortunately cannot remember much of what I study these days. Your conclusion makes total sense, though, and is succinct enough for me to ponder if I write it on my hand. I might start a thread about this very thing. Do you know what his happening in the frontal lobe and the amygdalia when we are manic? I can't remember....





5150dirtdiva, I hear you on the brainfog and blending. I have trouble telling real memories from dreams I have. I have these dreams about what I did or need to do. I think it's my head's way of trying to remind me of stuff. Subconsciously, my head knows how actually very scared I have been about this issue.


What kind of an athlete are you? That kind of stuff has always take a LOT of extra training for me if I'm to do anything at all. I see this in my son and feel very glad he goes to a school with a special program for gifted and talented students. Sports are not of much interest to kids who argue about the properties of water and think it's fun, so he fits right in. Do you think athleticism is learned or genetic?


HarryKovert, I am in a depression right now, and my memory is shockingly poor. I can't even remember 2 numbers at a time of the 6-digit code Google texts me to get into my email. But as I heal, I am finding out from my husband things I did or said when manic that I have no recollection of whatsoever. This strikes me as odd since my memories of mania used to be so vivid.


Lilypup, THANK you for mentioning you have been having flashbacks. I too have them. I just wrote about this in fact: "And the flashbacks--oh god--the merciless flashbacks, from 10, 15, 30 years past..." Are yours at traumatic as mine? I find this whole dang thing to be traumatizing. It's no wonder I am so panicky and sad.


My problem with movies (and plays, etc.) is that I can't figure out what's going on for a very long time into them and sometimes not at all. I need someone to connect the dots for me. This used to be true of some things. Now it's true of almost all. I want my brain back!


shattered sanity, you sound as sad as I've been about losing your memory. I know what you mean about being the human phone book, etc. I was too. the human calendar as well. And I TOTALLY get the whole post it note thing. I try to make reminders for myself and then forget what they are even supposed to remind me of. Hugs.


jacky8807, Tell us more about what you've read about cognitive disturbance. I don't even know what all that includes, but it sounds really interesting.


Bipolar RNurse, you are my twin. Same scenario. Every time I went in I'd always hear Led Zeppelin playing in my head: "Yes, there are two paths you go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."


Your pdoc says things like my (old) pdoc used to say about my memory. that our meds protect it, it's not alzeimers, etc. But that was before it got SO severe, and also before my uncle was diagnosed with (gulp) early onset alzheimers. He was 56. Man, that's young. I'm right around that age.I know I'm stupid to put off going to the neuro....


dshantel, I totally get what you're saying about things being like they didn't happen to you. My husband has recently informed me that I should probably apologize to people for various things, and when he's described what he means, sometimes these events come back with that very dreamlike quality you're describing.


Faltering, what is this zombie-like state? Do you want to tell more? I'm curious what it's like and when it comes on.


Wander, thank you for advising me to talk to my docs. I honestly FORGOT to bring this up to pdoc on Wednesday, even though, yes, or course, it was on my list. Neurologist has a slew of tests he is excited--yes, excited--to run on my melon. He's very passionate about his work and explains things so beautifully. I'm just...well, scared.


I used to take Topamax. my husband called it DOPEamax, it made me so forgetful. I couldn't remember from one corner to the next if I was supposed to left or right. I once forgot what you're supposed to do at a yield sign. That's when I called pdoc!


Care to share what ECT was like?


CherryGlazer, it's affected my artwork too. That, I think, is one of the scariest and saddest parts. But yours is only affected in the actual episodes themselves?


Hello....for me it's constant. It does not only affect me during a episode. It started out with me getting behind at my last job. I would forget how to correctly complete my reports. I've left doors unlock several times. Reading books is near impossible because I would forget what I already read plus I have trouble focusing. I started putting birthdays, appointments and events in my iPhone calendar. Then set alarms for them. I have a repeat alarm to remind me to pick my daughter up from school too. I just bought a new white board for my apartment. You can write on it at the top and thumb tack things to the bottom. I write my bills on there.
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  #29  
Old Apr 16, 2017, 10:48 PM
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It's a good thing I can't remember how much I've forgotten or I would be REALLY depressed.
  #30  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 09:28 AM
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Just clicked in here to write a post. Scrolling through I see I wrote a post a few hours ago, kinda sums it up really.
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  #31  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 10:23 AM
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I am a triathlete, currently I am only cycling. My father is a cyclist, so I definitely learned that from him. I was military so that is where I picked up the running.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing View Post
Fharraige, it never occurred to me that lack of exercise could play into this. I used to walk two or three miles almost every day, swim, and squats, pushups, etc. Now I am JUST starting to get back to yoga more regularly but even a 30-minute walk exhausts me. this is the longest, slowest healing I've ever gone through.

Rwwff, what is "spacial modelling." I tried to look it up, then had to look up words in the definition, I hope your improvement continues and that your spouse is kind.

Cocosurvivng, is your memory loss constant? Or does it come and go with episodes? I'm discovering by reviewing these responses that, at least anecdotally, we with bipolar have a lot of memory issues as a group.

Vertigo, I think you're right about spacial navigation. And I also wonder who is "directionally challeged" as my sister calls me. Is that a bipolar thing? I would love to tell her--and my geographic genius of a husband--that, this too, is a reflection of BD. I cannot figure out how to get anywhere, indoors or out, unless I have been there many times. Even then, it can be really hit or miss, especially now.

You also brought up ECT with relation to memory. I have read that it swiss-cheeses recipients' brains. Is that permanent? I have never been able to receive ECT (no insurance) though I wonder often if it might not help me out of this incredibly long slump.

Thank you for bringing up the hippocamus. I am a bit of a research nut, but unfortunately cannot remember much of what I study these days. Your conclusion makes total sense, though, and is succinct enough for me to ponder if I write it on my hand. I might start a thread about this very thing. Do you know what his happening in the frontal lobe and the amygdalia when we are manic? I can't remember....



5150dirtdiva, I hear you on the brainfog and blending. I have trouble telling real memories from dreams I have. I have these dreams about what I did or need to do. I think it's my head's way of trying to remind me of stuff. Subconsciously, my head knows how actually very scared I have been about this issue.

What kind of an athlete are you? That kind of stuff has always take a LOT of extra training for me if I'm to do anything at all. I see this in my son and feel very glad he goes to a school with a special program for gifted and talented students. Sports are not of much interest to kids who argue about the properties of water and think it's fun, so he fits right in. Do you think athleticism is learned or genetic?

HarryKovert, I am in a depression right now, and my memory is shockingly poor. I can't even remember 2 numbers at a time of the 6-digit code Google texts me to get into my email. But as I heal, I am finding out from my husband things I did or said when manic that I have no recollection of whatsoever. This strikes me as odd since my memories of mania used to be so vivid.

Lilypup, THANK you for mentioning you have been having flashbacks. I too have them. I just wrote about this in fact: "And the flashbacks--oh god--the merciless flashbacks, from 10, 15, 30 years past..." Are yours at traumatic as mine? I find this whole dang thing to be traumatizing. It's no wonder I am so panicky and sad.

My problem with movies (and plays, etc.) is that I can't figure out what's going on for a very long time into them and sometimes not at all. I need someone to connect the dots for me. This used to be true of some things. Now it's true of almost all. I want my brain back!

shattered sanity, you sound as sad as I've been about losing your memory. I know what you mean about being the human phone book, etc. I was too. the human calendar as well. And I TOTALLY get the whole post it note thing. I try to make reminders for myself and then forget what they are even supposed to remind me of. Hugs.

jacky8807, Tell us more about what you've read about cognitive disturbance. I don't even know what all that includes, but it sounds really interesting.

Bipolar RNurse, you are my twin. Same scenario. Every time I went in I'd always hear Led Zeppelin playing in my head: "Yes, there are two paths you go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."

Your pdoc says things like my (old) pdoc used to say about my memory. that our meds protect it, it's not alzeimers, etc. But that was before it got SO severe, and also before my uncle was diagnosed with (gulp) early onset alzheimers. He was 56. Man, that's young. I'm right around that age.I know I'm stupid to put off going to the neuro....

dshantel, I totally get what you're saying about things being like they didn't happen to you. My husband has recently informed me that I should probably apologize to people for various things, and when he's described what he means, sometimes these events come back with that very dreamlike quality you're describing.

Faltering, what is this zombie-like state? Do you want to tell more? I'm curious what it's like and when it comes on.

Wander, thank you for advising me to talk to my docs. I honestly FORGOT to bring this up to pdoc on Wednesday, even though, yes, or course, it was on my list. Neurologist has a slew of tests he is excited--yes, excited--to run on my melon. He's very passionate about his work and explains things so beautifully. I'm just...well, scared.

I used to take Topamax. my husband called it DOPEamax, it made me so forgetful. I couldn't remember from one corner to the next if I was supposed to left or right. I once forgot what you're supposed to do at a yield sign. That's when I called pdoc!

Care to share what ECT was like?

CherryGlazer, it's affected my artwork too. That, I think, is one of the scariest and saddest parts. But yours is only affected in the actual episodes themselves?
  #32  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 10:44 AM
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My memory is horrible. I used to have a great memory. But as this has progressed, and with taking meds like Topamax, my memory has turned utter crap. My family will tell stories of past events, and for the life of me I just can't seem to recall it like I used to. It sucks.
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  #33  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 03:12 PM
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What was the question?
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  #34  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 03:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewoman View Post
What was the question?


I don't remember.

Seriously though, I do have some memory loss. It seems to get better if I pay attention to what's going on around me, but I don't always remember to do that either. Oh well.

I also don't remember what's going on when I've been in episodes, especially manic/psychotic ones. My time in IP is mostly a blur.

I trust my wife's memory much more than my own.
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  #35  
Old Apr 17, 2017, 11:49 PM
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Wander Wander is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by en it comes on.

[B
Wande[/B]r, thank you for advising me to talk to my docs. I honestly FORGOT to bring this up to pdoc on Wednesday, even though, yes, or course, it was on my list. Neurologist has a slew of tests he is excited--yes, excited--to run on my melon. He's very passionate about his work and explains things so beautifully. I'm just...well, scared.

I used to take Topamax. my husband called it DOPEamax, it made me so forgetful. I couldn't remember from one corner to the next if I was supposed to left or right. I once forgot what you're supposed to do at a yield sign. That's when I called pdoc!

Care to share what ECT was like?

[
ECT, the actual experience was easy. It involved getting up early, taking some liquid paracetamol, and then heading to the ECT room. They put a drip in you to intravenously give you the aesthetic and some gel on either one or both sides of your head, depending on whether you are getting bilateral or unilateral treatment. Within seconds you are asleep then you wake up. For me I woke up feeling fine, not groggy at all. Occasionally I had a headache but it was mild.

The big thing I noticed, especially with bilateral, was the memory loss. It was all related to the time around the treatment. I could recall historical stuff fine but did have trouble with passwords ect while during the treatment. I had 12 unilateral and 6 bilateral. It helped a bit but not enough to consider doing it again unless I get severely depressed.

Within a month after treatment my brain was back to normal fuctioning. I even completed university studies while having treatment. Only one unit but it is amazing I could do that. I did well too. ECT is a relatively simple treatment, nothing to fear except memory loss at the time. A lot of my time during the coarse of treatment is blacked out. Some people I have met have had their lives turned around by ECT, others, like me, find it to do almost nothing at all.
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  #36  
Old Apr 18, 2017, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vertigo View Post
The hippocampus, that little seahorse-shaped organ in the lower center of the brain, is involved with both emotions and memories. It makes sense that this disorder, which targets emotion, would also impact memory.

On the personal level, yes, I have been plagued with a poor memory, also. ...before the ECT, so ECT just dug the holes in my memory a little deeper.

I'd be interested in learning how many of us also struggle with spatial navigation. That is the third thing the hippocampus is in charge of. I suspect an academic study, if anyone did one, would show bipolar performance to be sub par.
There. The navigation thing. I ALWAYS go the opposite way from where I need to go.
I was driving from Miami to Tampa once, and I see a sign that says Key West. One of the kids mentioned we where going the wrong way. And me, not wanting to lose, invented another Key West in Tampa.
Went all the way to Key Largo to convince myself. Of course I was wrong.
And thank God for the panic bottom in the key fobs. Otherwise I would still be looking for my car.
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  #37  
Old Apr 18, 2017, 10:30 AM
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Forgot to mention that I got to prizes once.
One for my good memory and the other I can't remember why.
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]Roses are red. Violets are blue.[

Look for the positive in the negative. PIRILON.
If lemons fall from the sky, make lemonade. Unknown.
Nothing stronger than habit. Victor Hugo.
You are the slave of what you say,
and the master of what you keep. Unknown.
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  #38  
Old Apr 18, 2017, 10:36 AM
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5150DirtDiva 5150DirtDiva is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pirilin View Post
Forgot to mention that I got to prizes once.
One for my good memory and the other I can't remember why.
LOL I love this!
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  #39  
Old Apr 20, 2017, 07:04 PM
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Has anyone had problems remembering emotional memories? Such as having a deep discussion about your marriage, or having an argument with your Dad and forgetting it ever happened the next day? My ex-husband is like this. He can recall all the dialogue from The Simpsons and has a great memory otherwise it is just emotional stuff that he forgets.

I used to think he was just putting in on but having known him for 14 years I can tell he is sincere. It is really odd and was one of the big problems in our marriage as we couldn't continue previous conversations about how to work on our marriage as he would forget the past ones. It is all other emotional stuff too, not just out marriage. Just curious if anyone else has heard of, or had, this problem.
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  #40  
Old Apr 24, 2017, 02:02 PM
IntentOnHealing IntentOnHealing is offline
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Thank you for the detailed description of the ECT. I wish I had insurance. I would definitely try it, in spite of the memory stuff.

Hey...the "walk a mile in their shoes" thing was from the book To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus Finch said it to Scout and/or perhaps Jem. Can't remember. The other part, the funny part, was added on. Don't know who did that.

Funny. Always funny when one of us says that we can't remember.

As for forgetting emotional memories but not things he's seen or heard like a TV show...those two different types of activities might be managed by different parts of the brain. I am totally guessing here, and really have no idea, but you might find out by asking your pdoc or checking Google. Let us know if/what you find out. That's a fascinating question!
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You are not your illness. You have an individual story to tell. A name, a history, a personality. Staying yourself is part of the battle.
--Julian Seifte
r
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  #41  
Old Apr 24, 2017, 02:21 PM
IntentOnHealing IntentOnHealing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander View Post
Has anyone had problems remembering emotional memories? Such as having a deep discussion about your marriage, or having an argument with your Dad and forgetting it ever happened the next day? My ex-husband is like this. He can recall all the dialogue from The Simpsons and has a great memory otherwise it is just emotional stuff that he forgets. Just curious if anyone else has heard of, or had, this problem.
OMGosh. Because I am SUCH a nerd, I had to look this up myself. Very super generally, yes. The different types of stimuli you mentioned are processed very differently, and that may account for your exes' bad memory. Emotional information is processed by the amygdala and visual memories are processed by the occipital lobe. The parietal lobe is the part of the brain most active in remembering things we hear, but humans are notorious for truly having things go "in one ear and out the other." It's not a fault; it's just how our memories are created. You can attach the visual stuff to the memory of The Simpsons, but not to the discussion of your marriage, perhaps because it lacks images. Also, that just might be the way he learns: by seeing, so he's naturally good at it. We all learn differently. I need to read and write to learn. Others might need to touch something to learn it well. There are auditory learners out there, too.

That's it for today's lesson. LOL



Love,

The Nerd
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Oxcarbazepine 1200
Tapering off Quetiapine
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Yoga and Meditation


You are not your illness. You have an individual story to tell. A name, a history, a personality. Staying yourself is part of the battle.
--Julian Seifte
r
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