Sister is very wealthy, why can't she help

Apr 18, 2017, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I am so, so sorry newtobipolar. I feel like this thread is full of the kind of stigmatizing that people with mental illness do not need, and are hurt by. I am quite sure that you do the best you can in life. (((HUGS)))

I honestly don't see how mental illness really fits into this. I stand by my two previous posts. I definitely feel for the OP and if I were that rich sister, I'd give the money in a heartbeat and not expect it back.

But we cannot control how other people spend their money. Sure, it would be awesome if the OP's sister were willing to help, but the sad fact is that she is not willing to. And at the end of the day, it is the sister's money, and she gets to decide how to spend it.

Sending hugs to the OP, I hope there are no hard feelings.

I hope that you are able to save up the necessary money in another way.

TheDragon · Apr 18, 2017, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtobipolar

The thing is that I've had this mental illness all my life. Aside from my kids, I've been a loser, broke, bad relationships, etc. I didn't ask fo my illness. I've been bursened with it my whole life, therefore my life has been one mess to another with instability, etc.

I'm not a "normal" healthy person that just blows her money away. I work hard, but don't make much. My life has been (aside from my kids) a total mess. I have nothing. I live with my ex bc I can't afford to be on my own.

Considering my life has sucked, I have nothing, and feel like I've been robbed of a good life by my MI.

She knows this. Believe me, she has a lot of money. I see family members give money to relatives that are drug addicts, lazy, alcoholics, etc.
All that I've dealt with in life has been tainted and controlled by my MI. My life has been a total waste. I have nothing but I so the best I can. I'm not some lazy slob.

I'm not asking for money for clothes, or a vacation. It's my teeth. If I lose this front tooth, I don't know what I'll do. Being embarrassed is an understatement. I worry about this all the time. It's just a matter of time.

Why wouldn't she want to help me? She doesn't have any MI at all. Therefore, for her, she has made smart decisions. Went to college, married well, and makes more money than they know what to do with. She spends more on a purse than what my teeth would cost.

I don't even care about the back teeth, just the front teeth. It just hurts me so badly that she won't help.

Sorry for the venting. It just really hurts. She knows how sick I am, and how I struggle daily. I would and I so help people whenever I can. I'm fully aware it isn't her job, or she isn't obligated. But, she's my sister, she knows what I've gone through in life. She has means, but just chooses not to help. It really, really hurts

It would be really helpful if you could let us know whether you've directly asked your sister for this money and told her the reason, and what her response was. Right now all we can do is speculate and try to be sympathetic that you're suffering.

If you haven't directly asked her, this might be a moot point. If you have asked her, and can share the reason, maybe people can help you come up with another way to approach her.

TheDragon · Apr 18, 2017, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I am so, so sorry newtobipolar. I feel like this thread is full of the kind of stigmatizing that people with mental illness do not need, and are hurt by. I am quite sure that you do the best you can in life. (((HUGS)))

I don't see how anyone has done any stigmatizing and I believe it's disrespectful to write off everyone's opinion without a reason.

If you go through everyone's post and consider the issue, you'll realize that at heart of this, this is people's opinion of what family does or does not owe you. I believe the same questions and responses would have came up even if this wasn't said on a mental health forum.

It's important to be careful of how you advocate mental health understanding, because if you simply blame everyone who may not be supportive in the situation of stigmatizing mental health, society as a whole will keep thinking that mental illness is just used as an excuse.

If you think someone hasn't been helpful, consider addressing that directly instead of writing off everyone who took the time, effort and caring to reply.

bizi · Apr 18, 2017, 11:39 PM

Have you considered having your teeth pulled and getting a full set of dentures. IT could be much cheaper in the long run of things?
I am sorry this is so hard on you.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

glowsinthedark · Apr 19, 2017, 12:39 AM

Just want to say that I am also very sorry you're going through this. Teeth troubles are really stressful and yours sound serious (it's no coincidence so many people have anxiety dreams about losing their teeth...). I didn't mean to sound unfeeling. And I would be hurt by my sister if I were in your situation. I hope you can figure it all out one way or another.

luvyrself · Apr 19, 2017, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeatFreakmom

I know it isnt her job, but I didn't ask to be this way. I can't hold a relationship, I have alienated many, I am single mom and I struggle every day.

I read that family members even help drug addicted fam member.

I need a ton a dental work. I am in pain on occasion and I will need a partial denture. I am in the process of losing my first fron tooth! I have lost all over my mouth. I have 6 in front. They are heavily filled and wont last much longer. I have explaied this to her. No offer of any help whatsoever! I am not a drug addict. I haven't been in troublw with the law, etc. I am a good mom and do the best I can.

Shouldn't she help? It will cost like $2200. She could very easily afford that.
Shouldn't she want to help me? I am not asking for money for something frivlous. It's my teeth.

Thank you for listening. I justwant to knowif I am wrong, and shouldn't exoect some help, or in the same situation, would you feel the same way??

Thank you so much for your opinions. They will really help

--- response. Did u get a quote from a dental school? I may do that. If i use dental ins, it will be $7000 this year out of pocket. My brother is a multi millionaire and said LOL sorry about your disability when he stopped speaking to me tho i have a masters degree and worked my whole life. Well, they cant stand it when u get emotional. They r business people. If u want help make a proposal showing how it is a sound investment in you.

Apr 19, 2017, 09:13 AM

Maybe you should come up with a proposal to show your sister. Describe how much you need her to loan you, what you'll use it for, interest, when you'll pay back, whether you'll pay back everything at once or a little something every month..

Edit: also tell her what other measures of getting money you've taken. Make sure she knows you aren't asking lightly. Also offer to pay interest, even if it's only half a percent a year (or maybe whatever interest she'd earn if she put the money in a bank?), to make sure she knows you aren't just expecting her to give you everything (even though you do apparently expect that - best not to let her know that, methinks).

jacky8807 · Apr 19, 2017, 09:25 AM

I was with you up until the point of interest. interest? for her sister. yikes!

Apr 19, 2017, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I was with you up until the point of interest. interest? for her sister. yikes!

It's up to the sister to say she doesn't need to be paid interest. It's not up to "us" to ask for free money.

jacky8807 · Apr 19, 2017, 09:34 AM

a loan is not free money. not from family
I think everybody has very different ideas on this clearly. I suppose it is how you are raised about money
me? I'd give it my sister in a heartbeat
I can understand a loan
interest IMO is mean

Apr 19, 2017, 09:43 AM

Oh, you're hilarious. I wasn't raised to keep money to myself or whatever. However, I do pride myself on never asking for anything without offering something in return. I would also never ask for interest when loaning someone I care about and needs it money, but that doesn't mean I think it's right to demand someone loan you money without them benefiting from it in some way or another.

*Laurie* · Apr 19, 2017, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by still_crazy

im sorry. american culture is...ruthless. cut throat. hyper-individualistic. materialistic. yes, there are some pros to being in america, but i think 21st century american culture really rips alot of us to shreds, and nobody seems to care.

you are more than your mistakes, your labels, your stuff or lack of stuff. you are more than a low wage job or bills or health problems.

i was poor for a while. its a long story. i had a softer poverty than most people (again, long story), but it was always damned if you do, damned if you don't. 'know your place,' that kinda thing. even now, with my somewhat affluent parents taking care of me and all that good stuff, im called 'uppity,' because i was poor for a season.

anyway...i dont know you or your life, and im not going to act as if i do, but i am sorry about your situation. life is rough even on 'normal' people in these united states. factor in severe mental problems, and...things can get really ugly, really fast.

i hope things get better. keep in mind, this is an internet forum, and people will sometimes (often?) write/say things they might keep to themselves if you were actually talking to them/us.

I like your post, still_crazy. You've made some really worthwhile points.

Apr 19, 2017, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I am saddened by how much cold-heartedness there is throughout this thread. People can sure get cruel when money is involved.

Thank you for this post Laurie

I was so dispirited yesterday for the same reason.

MI really is at the meat of this matter. Many of us have experienced really scary poverty because of our MI. And despite being responsible and walking the good little crazy person line, we have seen well to do family members help the less responsible members with frivolous wants, while ignoring our basic needs. And it really hurts and demeans us even further. I think some people are unaware of how common this is.

I'm so sorry NewtoBipolar. I'm not sure if you've asked your sister for help and she's refused, or you have not asked and just don't understand why she has not offered. Either way, your hurt is understandable. If you have not asked your sister, like others have suggested, please ask.

And my fingers are crossed for you that she sees the light.

*Laurie* · Apr 19, 2017, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bea Tiscuit

Thank you for this post Laurie

I was so dispirited yesterday for the same reason.

MI really is at the meat of this matter. Many of us have experienced really scary poverty because of our MI. And despite being responsible and walking the good little crazy person line, we have seen well to do family members help the less responsible members with frivolous wants, while ignoring our basic needs. And it really hurts and demeans us even further. I think some people are unaware of how common this is.

I'm so sorry NewtoBipolar. I'm not sure if you've asked your sister for help and she's refused, or you have not asked and just don't understand why she has not offered. Either way, your hurt is understandable. If you have not asked your sister, like others have suggested, please ask.

And my fingers are crossed for you that she sees the light.

You're so welcome for my post, and I want to thank you for yours. You have expressed the kindness and warm-heartedness that I love to see from people. The world can be so hard and so cold for those of us with mental illness; it's a refreshing joy to know there are people who understand the nuances of how much stigma can hurt and demean us.

I also live at poverty level because of my mental health problems. Those who don't need to count themselves incredibly fortunate and be willing to extend to family members who need a hug and a hand.

Newtobipolar, I also hope your sister sees the light.

Sunflower123 · Apr 19, 2017, 01:00 PM

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I don't understand your sister's position. I fantasize sometimes about if I won the lottery what would I buy and the top 5 spaces were paying off my family members debts and sending their children to college. There was one poster who suggested low cost dental clinics. You may have to opt in on that if she won't help you. If you were my sister and I was wealthy your teeth would have already been done.

Sep 02, 2017, 09:10 AM

I am sorry your situation is so dire.

I have never understood why dental insurance isn't included in health insurance. Tooth infections can be life threatening if not dealt with and can effect your overall health.

I assume you have asked her directly. If so, I do not understand why she is not helping unless she has helped many, many times before. For example, if you were "hitting her up" for $2200 a year, year after year then she may think that she is shortchanging her children's college education or something like that.

If you do not make these requests often then it does seem rather uncaring. Keep in mind that if you asked recently, even when people have money sometimes they are "cash poor" and need time to raise funds. Sometimes "rich people" are not that rich because they spend all of their income (not wise). Of course this is all speculation.

I am very fortunate. I am extremely poor right now but I think my dad, brother, and sister would help me if I was in your situation (they have helped me with some things in the past) though I would have to ask and it would take time and be a sacrifice for them to help. For instance, my sister wants to pay off her mortgage before she reaches retirement. If I request money from her--it makes it harder (maybe impossible) for her to reach this goal. It is hard to be both retired and have a mortgage at the same time. Her job is tiring and hard.

Still, your situation is extreme enough that it does warrant help from your sister. I hope you can resolve your situation soon.

99fairies · Sep 02, 2017, 10:02 AM

I live in Canada and the dentists here will do the dental work and then set up a payment plan if you can't afford to pay for it right away. I don't know if it's like that everywhere but they do offer that solution in my little town.

Tucson · 08:44 PM

I have a freind who is well off. Most well paid professionals can save a couple million beforre they retire. My freind had more than that his first year of business. I am in a desparate situation. I am lucky to have $30 left in my bank account at the end of the month. I asked him for a $5000 loan that should take care of my teeth and fixing a nonfunctional air conditioner. I have had two teeth pulled because I could not afford a root canal and crown. I want to svoid having more pulled. Also it gets pretty hot in Arizona. He knows I will eventually pay him back. I have outstanding credit rating which he is aware of. However, he tells me that he cannot afford to provide me that loan. Many wealthy people seem to be this way. Many wealthy people seems intent on avoiding what they see as unnecessary expenses which includs making loans to family and freinds. However they have no problem purchasing a multimillion dollar house and have a hired chef come to their home for their meals.

I know it is his money, so he can do whatever he wants with it. I do not count on him to provide the loan. It should be this way, It was how I was raised. However, I do not understand his position. What makes it more not understandable to me is that we see each other as brothers. So I understand how you feel.

PS His next contract should provide him with nine figure income. However, he is not sure it will happen. He told me only then will he loan me the money.

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Sister is very wealthy, why can't she help

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