[IntentOnHealing]

I was writing down a two-part dream sequence related to something I did when manic that has caused me great pain. At the end of part two, a question arose. Please tell me how you would consider and/or answer the following:

"If someone else's boundaries are all that keeps you from doing something, what does it even mean that you do or don't?"

I ask this in a general sense, not necessarily as related to manic mis-steps.

[jacky8807]

hi
so I'm confused by the question. as far as crossing people's boundaries yes that should keep someone from doing something. is that what you mean? sorry if I misunderstood

[Moose72]

You said this isn't about bipolar?

[*Laurie*]

I'm not sure whether I understand your question. If you do or don't do something you're the person who made the choice, so it seems to me it's about your own boundaries.

[Wild Coyote]

If I do or don't do something based upon someone else's boundaries, and my action/inaction involves the same someone else, then it means I have respected his/her boundaries (even though his/her boundaries do not match mine). This might mean I have a boundary on myself for always respecting the boundaries of others.


WC

[hahayeahtotallylol]

It matters because if you make some uncomfortable, the relationship will crumble.

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

hi
so I'm confused by the question. as far as crossing people's boundaries yes that should keep someone from doing something. is that what you mean? sorry if I misunderstood

Maybe I used the wrong word? What I mean is, if your own boundaries (read: beliefs or possibly desires) are not what keep you from doing something, but someone else's are, then aren't you allowing yourself to be bound by other's beliefs...rather than your own? Shouldn't we act in accordance with what we ourselves believe....and....uh....this is...mmmm, maybe falling apart in front of me. I mean...as long as those beliefs we act in accordance to are within....hmmm...

I...might have had a manic moment. I'm drowning with uncertainty at how to even explain this and feel like a dummy

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

If I do or don't do something based upon someone else's boundaries, and my action/inaction involves the same someone else, then it means I have respected his/her boundaries (even though his/her boundaries do not match mine). This might mean I have a boundary on myself for always respecting the boundaries of others.


WC

I think you responded in the spirit the question was stared and what you say makes sense. Thank you.

But maybe I didn't state it right. Maybe this is a question more about VALUES than it is about boundaries.

I think I might have mis-spoken because I was trying to be general

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by hahayeahtotallylol

It matters because if you make some uncomfortable, the relationship will crumble.

Is it ever possibly or maybe true that it is better to let that relationship crumble so you can be true to yourself?

I am not sure I am even making sense any more--to myself. Though I'm not sure I'm not.

Baaahhhhh......

[hahayeahtotallylol]

It's okay if, for example, you are head over heels for someone.

Just respect the outcome and know the possibility is eventual rejection. Other than that, totally up to you.

[Wild Coyote]

Allowing yourself to be led by someone else's values will eventually lead to resentment and more. We need to get to know ourselves and our own values, living accordingly.

A word of advice I'd heard when I was a child and it stuck with me:
Never marry anyone whose values do not align with your own. There will be constant turmoil.


WC