[Wild Coyote]

Lately, I realize I have been feeling very fragile, like I'm going to break or just disintegrate into dust and blow away.

As I am climbing the steep cliff, inching my way out of the dark abyss, I feel like anything can come along and easily cause me to lose my grip, and back into the bottomless pit I go.

The smallest things, things that did not cause me any stress in the past, now overwhelm me and quickly cause me to lose my footing. I'd had my first depression 40 years ago. I have been a very strong and determined person my whole life. Yet now, it feels as though I've finally lost resilience.

This was the hot topic in therapy this week.

In being painfully honest, in spite of many significant life challenges, I don't recall ever feeling so fragile. It's very foreign to me and very uncomfortable. I'm trying to learn to sit with this change.

Do you ever feel fragile?
Does it feel okay to you to feel fragile?

Love to All!

WC

[Sunflower123]

Some days I feel so fragile that I think I should be in a nursing home and I am ashamed of that. I don't like it and try to fight it but some days I don't have the strength and I don't even have your physical ailments. It does sometimes feel like I am disintegrating and blowing away. Hope you're doing ok today. Best wishes.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Some days I feel so fragile that I think I should be in a nursing home and I am ashamed of that. I don't like it and try to fight it but some days I don't have the strength and I don't even have your physical ailments. It does sometimes feel like I am disintegrating and blowing away. Hope you're doing ok today. Best wishes.

Thanks, Jennifer!
I'm having an okay day for a Saturday. I hope you are having a fun day!

You'd mentioned feeling "ashamed." I feel shame, too.
That brings up an interesting point. Why do we feel negative feelings, like "shame" if we are feeling fragile?

Maybe feeling fragile is okay and serves a healthy purpose at times?
I'm just thinking out loud, trying to sit with it.


WC

I used to feel really fragile all the time before I was diagnosed and put on meds. I still do sometimes about a specific trauma I experienced. I'm sorry you struggle with it too. Hugs.

[Unrigged64072835]

Our society has the expectations of staying strong, staying positive, and fixing things quickly when people break.

I still feel vulnerable, though not as much as I used to. I still have phobias and anxiety but I'm very slowly working on them. I'm trying to build resilience, but it requires a lot of ongoing care.

[scatterbrained04]

I know this feeling of fragile you talk about. I dislike it. Big hugs (((WC)))

[lilypup]

I AM fragile, it is not just a feeling. I know I could not live alone.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by lilypup

I AM fragile, it is not just a feeling. I know I could not live alone.

Maybe it's a "universal truth?"
We hear the saying, "Life is fragile."

Maybe we are all fragile once we drop our swords?
Without our defenses, some of which are faulty, maybe we are all truly fragile?

A part of being fragile may be understanding we DO need others?

And maybe we need to be cognizant of our vulnerabilities in order to set healthy expectations and boundaries, to be as healthy as we can be, both physically and mentally?

Truly just thinking out loud.
Appreciated your blunt honesty, Lilypup. You've helped me to clarify.
I think this is about truly BEING fragile/vulnerable?


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes when I'm going into or coming out of depression, I have these "fragile days". I feel like any little thing could be the tipping point and make me burst out in tears. I don't usually cry (I'm not a crier) but I feel like it's just behind my eyes and in my throat, waiting to come out.

I haven't had a fragile day in awhile thankfully.

[Wild Coyote]

Ah, yes, sounds familiar. That's a part of it for me. The other part is feeling like I'm going to "break" beyond anything that can ever be fixed/treated.


WC

[*Laurie*]

Yes, I have felt fragile my whole life. Interestingly, people usually perceive me as very strong.

[wiretwister]

today very much so ... just got up from a long nap ... finally calmed down over the billing issue ... really want to stop my meds so I never have to go back to see my pdoc again ... I am taking this so personally .. like I have been wronged ... my sense of justice is so strong in me ... yes very fragile indeed ... like a feather facing a wind storm ... I just have to hang on ... this will pass I know ... but right now it is hard ...

Yes WC, I'm physically very weak most of the time and I feel mentally and physically fragile. It's a terrifying feeling as I'm also paranoid which means I feel so vulnerable too. Emotionally naked and scared. I'm sorry you share this feeling of being fragile. I'm a positive note I've felt better physically for 3 days in a row and my husband and I have managed to clean all 3 dogs and get the house pretty clean and all laundry done. It's been so long since I've felt this good and I hope it lasts and I can get some organizing done too. I hope you have better days WC,....you've been so depressed and that alone can make you feel so vulnerable and fragile....add your other challenges and my heart deeply goes out to you. You are strong!!!

[~Christina]

I feel fragile lately, This move to Florida for a year. Time to think about selling our home in TN , Ive been leaning to the left since the move was so huge. Just the thought of selling our home up there and getting rid of all the excess stuff ,, Just overwhelms me , My husband has so much stuff. I hate clutter, any clutter unnerves me.

My Fibro has been horrible and I feel so breakable physically. I saw a new Rhumetologist hes not sure if its all Fibro ,,,,,, So loads of testing

Yes Fragile

[jacky8807]

I think in some ways I am a really fragile person but have assumed an "I don't care' attitude when I was quite young. It helped me fend off the feelings I was experiencing. Like a coping mechanism I guess.

I don't really even know what I am anymore

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I think in some ways I am a really fragile person but have assumed an "I don't care' attitude when I was quite young. It helped me fend off the feelings I was experiencing. Like a coping mechanism I guess.

I don't really even know what I am anymore

I grew up in a very chaotic, traumatizing environment. I'd coped by convincing myself I could handle anything. I then kept putting that to the test.

While I did a lot of good things for my community, I'd exhausted myself.
It was all a coping mechanism for getting through my childhood. Underneath it all, I was broken and sad, but only I knew that.

Admitting fragility/vulnerability, while a bit uncomfortable, is closer to the truth than is/was the false bravado.

Thanks, everyone, for your candid responses!


WC

[liveforsummer]

Yes I know what you mean. I definitely have fragile days and a couple family members that will even comment that I look fragile and breakable. I didn't realize it was visually evident. The feeling is usually accompanied by a feeling of hopelessness and self loathing. Sometimes I feel like my heart isn't even beating and I am weightless.

HUGS HUGS HUGS TO ALL THOSE FEELING FRAGILE TODAY

[Wild Coyote]

I wonder, is it helpful to appear fragile?
Maybe it is? Maybe it helps people to "tune in" to how you are feeling.

One of my "obstacles" to people understanding even just my physical challenges is: I look very athletic. It's genetic. (I was an avid athlete when I was younger.) They don't know I've just re-trained myself to walk since October, etc.

Interestingly enough, with all of my physical challenges, this fragility feels psychological for me. Maybe I've already worked through the physical fragility?

Again, just thinking out loud.


WC

[JourneyUpward]

When I'm depressed, I feel vulnerable and fragile. The world and life in general looks bleak. I try to remind myself that the depression will pass and that depression is a liar. I use all my coping skills and put up a good fight against it so everyone thinks I'm just a little under the weather and strong. Thankfully, I haven't experienced a really bad depression in two and a half years. Finally got my meds right. Just a mild dip every once in awhile. Sorry to hear you are in the thick of it WC.

[liveforsummer]

[QUOTE=Wild Coyote;5690669]I wonder, is it helpful to appear fragile?
Maybe it is? Maybe it helps people to "tune in" to how you are feeling.

I'm not sure, sometimes its helpful to have those around aware of the inner struggle other times I'm annoyed by it. Honestly don't know why.

Keep thinking out loud WC, it's medicinal for all of us

[hopeless2015]

Hugs to all!!

[bioChE]

I don't think it's helpful to "appear fragile" when dealing with a MI. For me, the most therapeutic experiences are getting out in the world and appearing normal as fuk. Yes, we deal with mood and emotional issues. Yes there are times when we are down. Yes there are times when we are up. But you know what? So is everyone else. Everyone, especially as we age physically, has $hit they deal with, both physically and emotionally. If everyone walked around showing their emotions on their sleeve, it wouldn't make any sense. We'd all be tied up hoping others would take pity on us. And in the end nobody would get what they need.

My alternative is to try to appear as normal as possible. When I build a relationship with someone I trust who I think might be compassionate and who I trust, I'll share more and more as appropriate. It goes two ways, usually others are willing to share their struggles with me as well. In that case I try to show as much compassion and empathy as I can to support them.

Do I feel fragile? Yes. Does everyone need to know that? Not necessarily.

Not all of us can appear normal....not for any length of time that is. It's always good advise to do so when possible, otherwise we'd walk around in such states I can't imagine. Even when I feel fragile in public, I would not appear as such most likely. Head is up, shoulders back, eyes peeled for potential dangers, I'm on alert and I think it transcribes as confidence which it's not. Just because I'm fragile doesn't mean I accept defeat.

[still_crazy]

i do often feel fragile. i dont think its necessarily 'mental illness' related per se. i spent most of my youth on the discard pile of society. i had it better than a lot of people, i realize that now--never went homeless, never lived in hardcore poverty, etc.--but a lot of stuff happened, was done to me, etc...and now...

well, i made it thru, by the grace of God...and im now a pariah. i also have my now "well-to-do" parents supporting+protecting me. again, my life is much better, safer, more comfortable than a lot of peoples'. i get that now. and yet...

i guess having been thru an existence as a labeled, stigmatized outcast, there's always some fragility there, more so than before. i am now healthy, smart, remarkably...whole, normal, even...but ive seen some of the dark side of what society (including Mental Health, Inc.) does to vulnerable people, people who don't matter to others, "society's rejects," etc.

i dunno. im now a christian. i believe in a loving, forgiving God. I also believe that human nature is cruel, often to the point of being vicious, even violent. is that being fragile, or is it just knowing the truth and having to deal with that?

[xRavenx]

I feel fragile a lot....especially lately, as if I am going to crumble. My anxiety problems contribute to this feeling, but also my self-doubt has a lot to do with this. Also, knowing that I am always have to deal with issues related to BP causes me to feel this way. I try to slow myself down when I worry too much about the future and jump to worst-case-scenario, but it is hard.

(((hugs))). I understand it's very difficult to deal with this feeling.