Long post -- I am definitely not preaching, or trying to tell anyone to stay on or not stay on, take or not take meds. I would like this thread to help others know what you are doing successfully, if you are not taking psychoactive medication.

I've kept a mood chart since 2003. There were a few places where I didn't log it for a few weeks, but mostly on, for every, single, day.

Just went back and looked at them all -- ALL.

I am an ultra-ultra-rapid cycler, by the way.

The charts all show that I was up and down all month, every month. The best month I saw, I was level for 5-6 days early in the month, then up and down again through the middle weeks of that month, then level for 10 days.

That was actually very good, but it was rare, and I don't think repeated, at least not often if it was.

For at least the last 6 months, i.e. since about January of 2017, I have been a several state. Nothing helps. Non of the "tools" I have learned, studied, been shown by therapists, and tried, have worked. The meds may work for a while -- 2-6 months perhaps -- then either they gradually quit working, or bad, bad side effects gradually or suddenly show up.

Twice, under a pdoc's supervision and support, I have tried to discontinue all meds. Both times, I lapsed into severe depression.

But now, things are SO BAD that I am again trying to get off. This time, I'm doing it my way. Here's what's been going on, and I'm still on one -- a few weeks ago the pdoc took me of Lexapro. I forget what the side effects were....I can never remember that part for most of the meds except for Serzone which made me black and fall down just as a started to cross a busy street. The other one I canNOT forget is the one that caused 6 weeks of severe diarrhea. Only when my sister figured out I might have started a new med recently, did I figure that one out!! I went to all sorts of physical medicine doctors, and not one of them made the connection with the med. I forget the name of that med. When I fell with Serzone, that time I got two black eyes, and was afraid I would lose some teeth, since I crashed on the sidewalk and hit my head on the left side (teeth are okay now, and my eyes are fine).

When I started treatment 20 years ago I promised myself I wold NEVER take Depaokte. It's known as "DopoBloat" -- I heard too many stories of people gaining maybe 40 pounds in a few months. That will NOT happen to me.

I think at least one of the meds I've been taking are making me unstable on my feet...."loss of balance" is how to google them. I fell twice in the last 2 mothers, both times hit my head. I still have what's probablly bruises lymph nodes from the fall I had 10 days ago. The fall before that, I fell off a ramp, landed flat on my back and hit my head.

So anyway, I've had too may other psych problems for the last six months or more, to describe here. 6 weeks ago or so, the pdoc took me off Lexapro. (I was on Lexapro, and Lamictal, at the time.) Then about 2 weeks ago, my pdoc talked me into"trying" Depakote. My symptoms have been the same but that's to be expected, I guess, since the change was so recent. He also reaised my Lamictal from 125 mg once a day, to 100 twice a day. I just started the Lamictal change yesterday.

But I have changed my mind. I dumped the Depakote in the toilet yesteray. (There are much better ways to dispose of used or unwanted meds, but I was so angry I just wanted them gone, and fast.)

So I have decided to stay on the 100 mg of Lamictal, once a day, for a while and see how it goes. I hope to get off that, eventually, too. I have a reasonable plan to get off, on my own, gradually if the Lamictal fails to keep me going.

docs, as many of you know, are just guessing. There is no physical way to know what mentel illnesses "are." So how do the docs know what meds to givie you? They don't. We know now that "different meds work differently for different people." Plus, all the docs do is try a med or meds. If it works -- it works. Then everyone is happy! The doc is happy; the patient is happy. Until the med quits, and they have to start over again.

[Ocean Swimmer]

It's been my experience that something changes in the BP chemistry with or without medication.
I can be stable on a med then quickly go into an episode with very little advance notice.

[Sunflower123]

Good luck tapering off your meds. I hope the transition goes smoothly. Best wishes.

[wildflowerchild25]

Good luck with tapering off. I can't handle depression with no meds. I haven't been hypomanic since being on invega. I just switched from invega to latuda. I stopped wearing my emsam patch about two weeks ago, hoping latuda will work as monotherapy. Im too scared to go off all meds but hoping the latuda will keep things stable. I have the emsam as back up if I get depressed. Good luck.

Nope, but I have recently significantly decreased what meds I was on. I used to be on lithium, amoxapine, clonodine, ativan, topamax, and clozapine. Now it's just clozapine with an ativan PRN. I would love to lower my dose of clozapine very slowly with a doctor's eye watching over me, but that won't be for a while.

It sounds like you have a really difficult time with medication side effects.

I would make one suggestion: Have a REALLY good therapist that you see regularly to work on skills for being proactive and to acquire strong, healthy coping skills.

I have been off of meds for several years now, but it has only worked because of the very hard work I put into years of therapy. My therapist and I worked in great detail on clear insight into my own symptoms: What triggered them? How could I make changes in my lifestyle that would decrease those triggers and increase healthier living all around? How do I work through any other issues in my life and history that exacerbate my bipolar symptoms? How do I cope with my mood changes so they are shorter-lived and less intense? Etc.

You cannot continue doing what you have always done and expect different outcomes: That was a very difficult concept to truly "get", because "getting" it meant I had to make major changes in my life and my thinking in order to be able to truly see improvement in my bipolar symptoms and get to a place where I could manage those symptoms without medication (and eventually, after years, without the support of a therapist).

[cashart10]

I was mostly stable for years off of medications until I had a severe psychotic break. It is because of the dangers of my manias and, especially, psychosis that I must stay on meds, namely a mood stabilizer and most likely an anti psychotic.

I hope it works out for you and that things look up for you.