[glowsinthedark]

this isn't bipolar-related, but i just need to vent somewhere because I'm very upset.

so we found out yesterday morning my beloved uncle has stage 3-4 brain cancer. this came as a total shock. he went into the doctor thinking maybe he had a very minor stroke, and within 12 hours he got this life-changing diagnosis. my family is very small, very close. 2 parents, 1 uncle, 1 aunt, 1 cousin, 1 (94 y.o) grandma. my cousin and i grew up together in the same city, and we all live in the same city again now, which i'm thankful for. at the same time, it really feels as tho losing 1 person is like losing half of your entire family.

everyone is telling me to "be positive" but there really isn't anything to be positive about. the kind/stage of cancer basically means he has a year to live. there is 0% chance they can cure it, and only a 5% chance he will live for 5 more years. i'm afraid he doesn't even know this yet, as he is busy making plans for traveling and selling/buying a house (which is not even characteristic of him at all, as he has lived in the same house since he was a grad student decades ago). he is acting like it's no big deal, and so my grandma also thinks this. meanwhile, the rest of us have been googling like mad and seem to know more then he does about his own condition...which is a terrible feeling. i'm so scared for the moment the doctor reveals all of this to him, and when my grandma realizes she will probably outlive her son. if i could maintain their false hope, i think i would.

no one in my family has ever had cancer before - i used to think this made us really lucky because it seems like every other person has had it. we just die from freak accidents and heart attacks. this was supposed to be a stroke, that's what we do. i just really don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to burden anyone with my pessimism, but i can't pretend i don't know the facts. the thought of losing my uncle makes me panic. the thought of my aunt's and cousin's and dad's and grandma's pain is unbearable. i've never had to really deal with death or serious illness and i don't know how. i'm just so heartbroken.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and for its impact on your family. I think it's likely your uncle has a gut feeling about how much time he has left and is trying to live as normally as possible. If you aren't seeing a therapist, please seek one out to help you through this. Spend as much quality time as you can with your uncle so you have those happy memories to fall back on.

My father died of brain cancer in 2002. It was hard on the family. I know some of how you're feeling. Please continue to post here if it helps. Best wishes.

You and your family are in my thoughts, glowsinthedark. I wish I had a magic wand that could help. Or even magic words...

[glowsinthedark]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and for its impact on your family. I think it's likely your uncle has a gut feeling about how much time he has left and is trying to live as normally as possible. If you aren't seeing a therapist, please seek one out to help you through this. Spend as much quality time as you can with your uncle so you have those happy memories to fall back on.

My father died of brain cancer in 2002. It was hard on the family. I know some of how you're feeling. Please continue to post here if it helps. Best wishes.

I'm so sorry about your dad The self-centered part of me can't help but think about my own dad's inevitable death, whenever that may be.

I think you are right re: normalcy. My husband lost his dad to cancer (and his mom survived stage 4!), and that was one of the first things he said to me - that what his dad wanted most was to just hang out with loved ones and live as normally as possible.

[bioChE]

I'm really sorry to hear the difficulty you and your family are going through. As someone else said, if you don't have a therapist you should consider getting one. Please feel free to keep posting here, we'll support you as much as we can.

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry to hear about your uncle. Yes, he should live as normal of a life as he can, while he can. It's important to get some good times in that people will remember.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry for the pain you are in. As this family situation plays out, you'll know how to respond. There's no "right" or "wrong" way. As for "staying positive," you needn't pretend anything. You are entitled to your feelings as you learn more about the "reality" of the situation.

Self-compassion, along with compassion for others may ensure the best outcome.

Please take good care of yourself as you and your family negotiate these bumpy roads.


WC

[liveforsummer]

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope you can find comfort in each other and of course continue reaching out here. As previously said, there are no right or wrong ways of navigating ones way through these things. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.

[Wander]

I'm sorry for your suffering. We are here to support you but as another post said maybe try to find a therapist, they may be able to help you through this process.

[Wild Coyote]

I am wondering how things are going for you.
I hope it's at least a little easier.


WC

[*Laurie*]

I'm so sorry for the grief you're going through.

I've been through cancer diagnosis and deaths many times in my family. Let me be honest with you. Sometimes people die quickly. Other times they do not. Many times people with serious cancers live for years. Treatment is hard, but it really does prolong life. Your family is correct by telling you to be more positive. Yes, your uncle will die eventually, but we all will. In the meantime your uncle is alive and deserves to have his aliveness honored.