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  #26  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 05:12 PM
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And if you can't confirm it, it's probably not real. Talk to someone you trust about it.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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  #27  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 06:15 PM
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I can't trust anyone. They might not be real.

How could the world having ended not be consequential? Everyone is dead and I will be too, soon.

Everything is distorted and things that shouldn't move around (i.e. trees) keep changing places.
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  #28  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 06:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franz kafka View Post
I can't trust anyone. They might not be real.

How could the world having ended not be consequential? Everyone is dead and I will be too, soon.

Everything is distorted and things that shouldn't move around (i.e. trees) keep changing places.
There's always someone you trust most. He/she is most likely to convince you that you are indeed wrong in your assumptions. Whether that person is real doesn't matter. The arguments are real, the dialogue is real, even if you only imagine it.

If you're dead, you're dead. If there's no one to mourn you and it's painless and too quick to notice, like death by an exploding sun would be, what does it matter?

But it does sound like quite severe hallucinations at least (not so sure about the delusions). Try to do what I suggested in the other thread. Take an extra dose of either Zyprexa or Seroquel, ideally after you've spoken to your psychiatrist.

And the other things I mentioned.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #29  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franz kafka View Post
I can't trust anyone. They might not be real.

How could the world having ended not be consequential? Everyone is dead and I will be too, soon.

Everything is distorted and things that shouldn't move around (i.e. trees) keep changing places.
Did you talk with your pdoc today?
You need help. Things are very distorted.

Please stay safe.

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  #30  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by franz kafka View Post
I'm meeting tdoc Wednesday... my plan is to get his feedback then re: pdoc/hospital. Until then posting here helps keep me somewhat sane, if you all don't mind.
Please post as often as you need to. We're here to support you. Best wishes
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  #31  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 07:13 PM
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If your still posting here then the world has not ended. We are still here for you and are very much alive living in the real world.
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  #32  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 10:19 PM
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Pdoc wants me to go up on Seroquel, so I'm going to do that. Tdoc described what's happening to me as a living nightmare and that sounds totally accurate. I can't stand this.
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  #33  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 10:44 PM
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Hopefully the seroquel works. What dosage?
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  #34  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 11:01 PM
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I'm gonna take 600mg.
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  #35  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 10:22 AM
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Dang. If that doesn't knock you on your @$$, nothing will.
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  #36  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 12:28 PM
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Nah, my body is used to lots of seroquel. I don't even feel it today.

I just mucked up a class presentation because I can't think straight. Sigh.
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  #37  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by franz kafka View Post
Nah, my body is used to lots of seroquel. I don't even feel it today.

I just mucked up a class presentation because I can't think straight. Sigh.
Kinda like me and zyprexa I take a boatload and barely feel it.
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  #38  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 05:40 PM
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If it were immediate-release you'd notice.

Olanzapine works more slowly. No need for XR.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #39  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 05:50 PM
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I haven't noticed a huge difference between XR and IR except in terms of appetite.

Interesting, I didn't know olanzapine works slowly. I'm an oddball and I take my zyprexa in the morning. It wakes me up. My therapist find this very strange.
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  #40  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 05:52 PM
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I barely survived another day of classes. I'm exhausted and am going to take a nap.

Last night was bad. I was overcome with SI thoughts so much so that I "rehearsed" a bit.

Today I feel disjointed and generally out of sorts. I bombed a presentation in class.

I'm starting to become aware of an entity orchestrating all of the world shifting. That's bad, because he's very powerful. He's probably the one making me think SI thoughts.
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  #41  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 06:35 PM
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If it's getting so bad your rehearsing then I would call pdoc, type on here, anything to distract yourself.
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  #42  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 09:27 PM
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I took a long nap. I check in with tdoc tomorrow on the phone. Gonna take a day off to try to recover.

The leaves and the sky are still communicating with me. Saying the world is ending. Why is this happening
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  #43  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 10:09 PM
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You may be under to much stress.
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  #44  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 10:10 PM
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I'm gonna take a day off tomorrow (mostly off, will need to do some homework). My doctor called the director and got permission for me. He's awesome!
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  #45  
Old Jun 29, 2017, 10:42 PM
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I googled a bit and it seems like what I'm experiencing is a kind of "nihilistic delusion": "A delusion whose theme centers on the nonexistence of self or parts of self, others, or the world. A person with this type of delusion may have the false belief that the world is ending." Delusions - functioning, withdrawal, examples, person, people, brain, mood, Description

Either that, or it's real. Of course. Leaning towards real at the moment, but I have to admit I was surprised to find that my experience matches up with a kind of delusion.
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