New and such- Just looking to share writings.

WriterX183 · Jun 28, 2017, 06:13 AM

I'm new here. I've been looking for a place to share some of my writing about living with bi-polar. Maybe, this is as good of a place as any. It's nice to connect with people who understand.

There's something about mania that is exhilarating.
Well, if we wanted to get technical, what I really mean is hypo-mania.
There's the rush of thoughts and energy.
The realization that I'm a genius. Everything I think is brilliant or interesting and must be considered.
The thoughts- they come fast, furious and non-stop. They fill my head like oxygen fills a room occupying every nook and cranny. This oxygen is expanding like it's a gas on a hot day. It might explode if left without an outlet for long.
The feelings and emotions are pleasant. I feel good. I'm on top of the world.
There's so much that needs to be done. Sometimes, shopping to do- there are a lot of things to buy that I need need need. I could blow through my entire savings if not careful.
Yes, 3 a.m is a perfect time to go for a run or a drive. 3 a.m is the perfect time to clean the house. 3 a.m is a great time to write a book.

Inevitably, waves of panic start to wash over me. I'm finding myself bobbing in the middle of all this emotion, feeling and thought struggling to breathe.
This energy builds and builds. I can’t release it quickly enough. I start to think about how I’d like to die. Everything is over the top dramatic and inflated. Each feeling takes hold and consumes me. I’m hyper sensitive and am, of course, all alone in the world.

It’s a love hate relationship that I have with bi-polar illness. I feel both blessed and cursed.