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Old Jun 28, 2017, 11:59 AM
lilypup's Avatar
lilypup lilypup is offline
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Yesterday I was seriously triggered at my support group. I know the guy who triggered me didn't mean to.

There's a nice older guy named Tom in my group. For five years I have known him and he is ALWAYS depressed. He has a lot of social anxiety also. I've always admired the way he soldiers on. He has no family and not much in his life.

I told him last week I really admired how he was so regular at attending the group even though he struggled.

This week he said "I know you think I do so well to get here, but I have to tell you I am nowhere nearly as depressed as YOU are. You're the one who should be applauded."

I'm sure he meant that in a nice way, but it made me feel terrible. It made me realize how I must be coming off in the group. I now feel "sicker" than the rest of the people in there.

Another trigger was another person in there I admire. She just got a job and is going back to teaching. I was a teacher and know I will never go back. It is just hard.
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  #2  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 12:24 PM
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Sorry to hear you were triggered

I agree that he meant to be nice. He obviously admires you as much as you admire him, which is very sweet. But I can see how his wording was very triggering.

You aren't necessarily "sicker" than everyone else. Some people may be hiding things that they find triggering, either for themselves or for others, hence they may keep quiet. Also, you may be more open about your struggles than the others in the group are. I know I would be the kind of person to hide things from others in a support group.

I don't have any advice on the teacher thing, but are you internalizing these feelings?
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  #3  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 12:44 PM
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bioChE bioChE is offline
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Sorry you got triggered. I agree with Blue's comments that you might share more than others.

What I would take from his comments is that you ARE doing well to get to the group and share your feelings.
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  #4  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 01:31 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I'm sorry you got triggered.. I've been triggered many times by similar stuff in a support group irl, I think we both deserve respect for contributing
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  #5  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 02:01 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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It's clear some of the people you admire also admire you!

There may be a difference between the way others see us and our self-perception.

I would have felt "triggered" too.

(((((( Lilypup ))))))


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  #6  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 02:06 PM
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Slightlydelusional Slightlydelusional is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilypup View Post

Another trigger was another person in there I admire. She just got a job and is going back to teaching. I was a teacher and know I will never go back. It is just hard.
I can feel u on this. I was teacher and coach for 14 years and I will never go back. It makes me sad for so many reasons but its just not possible for me, as I cant deal with what is needed to be consistent and successful.

Im working getting over my grief still cause I just need to move on.
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  #7  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 02:43 PM
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bukowski06 bukowski06 is offline
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Would you say that maybe your comment to the first guy may have been a sort of trigger for him, and he responded by saying that to you? I think sometimes even though we may have good intention it's difficult for the other person to get that immediately and will respond in a completely different manner than expected.

Alsoi ts kind of difficult to base others perception of you on a comment like that. I don't think he was being wholly objective. You said that he has some issues w social anxiety so he may not have wanted to respond in such an abrupt manner. It may just be difficult for him to interact in a more positive manner
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  #8  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 03:09 PM
liveforsummer liveforsummer is offline
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Sorry you were triggered in group lilypup.
I agree with the comments posted. Try not to dwell on it too much
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  #9  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 03:49 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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I don't think he meant to be mean. He may not think his depression is that much, although you and others may see that differently.

I can't go back and do what I used to do either. All I can do is try and figure what direction I should go now.
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  #10  
Old Jun 28, 2017, 05:11 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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I'm sorry you got triggered. I think he was admiring your strength and you are. I can understand being triggered by the woman going back to work. Both of these events might have triggered me as well. I hope you give yourself time and gentle self care while working through this. Best wishes.
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