[LadyShadow]

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted in a while, or even checked in on my friends here, because I have been flying so high in mania for the past week. I haven't been spending a lot of money or sleeping with a lot of men, but I have been engaging in immoral acts online that I am not proud of.

I have been struggling with my Spirituality for a while now (for those of you who know me), and I have often wondered if the closer I get to my "spiritual self" is that just mania? But then when I do these acts online I am not being "spiritual" I am being promiscuous which is also the sign of mania.

I guess I couldn't be more confused, with my spiritualty and my mania, so I pose the question to my bipolar friends:

Do you question your morals when you are in mania? Do you find yourself feeling bad for some of the things you have done? How did you get over it and move past it?

I could really use some help with this because I am really struggling.

[Jensitive22]

Lady Shadow, I am a Christian, but when I was in an extended manic cycle and involved in a lot of sexual activity, I was not troubled or checked by my moral compass. My thoughts, my feelings, and my urges were at full volume. I remember being aware of feeling no sense of guilt or shame about my behavior, even when I slept with two married men. I felt such freedom to be sexually uninhibited. I was rash, used no protection. I was 47 and a grandma. Looking back, it is frightening to see how a manic episode could unleash me from my conscience.. and my common sense.

[halus1]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted in a while, or even checked in on my friends here, because I have been flying so high in mania for the past week. I haven't been spending a lot of money or sleeping with a lot of men, but I have been engaging in immoral acts online that I am not proud of.

I have been struggling with my Spirituality for a while now (for those of you who know me), and I have often wondered if the closer I get to my "spiritual self" is that just mania? But then when I do these acts online I am not being "spiritual" I am being promiscuous which is also the sign of mania.

I guess I couldn't be more confused, with my spiritualty and my mania, so I pose the question to my bipolar friends:

Do you question your morals when you are in mania? Do you find yourself feeling bad for some of the things you have done? How did you get over it and move past it?

I could really use some help with this because I am really struggling.

I'm not a Christian or religious in any way but I have most likely done things when I was manic - and with someone else that was manic - that I'm not exactly proud of. I think to judge ourselves too harshly for things we did when we were manic would be silly.

I've even stolen things when I was manic - and I now have a criminal record for it. I was actually undiagnosed at the time, but I was staying at a very expensive hotel when I did it and was clearly as high as a kite. I can remember how I felt - it was very strange. My psychiatrist said it was a shame we hadn't known about it before then as I could have taken a letter to the court.

As for the bolded part of your post - I can see why that would be confusing to you and I find it interesting. (although it's not something I've personally experienced.) I would say that you would probably have to see what your beliefs are when you aren't manic - maybe when you're stable on meds etc - and then you will know whether the ideas you had were just a symptom of the mania or not. Not sure if that makes sense.

[liveforsummer]

Yes the moral compass goes out the window and all that seems left at the end is shame. The only comfort I take is just knowing it wasn't the real me.
You are not alone.
Hugs to everyone struggling with this.

[Wild Coyote]

LadyShadow,

I am thinking about your questions.
In the meantime, I want to say:

You are always worthy of love and compassion. This includes self-love and self-compassion.


WC