[xRavenx]

Lately, I'm making a lot of mistakes with both over-spending, and I even gave money away without a blink of an eye. I am currently struggling with a lot of regret and feel like a fool. A friend asked me for some help recently due to being unemployed and losing everything. I gave away $200 without even thinking it through! I doubt I'll see it now due to such financial ruins my friend is in. I don't know people who would think that was such a wise move. Even with manic behavior, I never lent anyone that kind of money. When I get into phases like this, if more people in my life knew just how impulsive I can be, they would think that I have lost my mind (for instance, if my mother only knew). It is more characteristic that I'll spend money on myself or a group of friends when manic on something extravagant....not that I find that a great move when it's way out of my means.

I am feeling a lot of guilt, and I'm incredibly angry at myself. Can anyone else relate to dealing with such negative feelings about yourself after going through something similar involving money? I don't even know where to begin when it comes to being able to stop beating myself up.

I did something similar a couple years ago. I gave my girlfriend at the time $800, which I knew would go to drugs but gave her anyways. I felt bad about it once my bank statement came in, but after some time past and I earned the money back those bad feelings went away.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I did something similar a couple years ago. I gave my girlfriend at the time $800, which I knew would go to drugs but gave her anyways. I felt bad about it once my bank statement came in, but after some time past and I earned the money back those bad feelings went away.

Thanks for sharing this. Sorry you went through all that. This gives me hope in the sense that the bad feelings won't last. Right now those bad feelings are very intense though.

I guess this is a situation where only time will heal, plus I do have a job, so maybe just focusing on that. I keep thinking how all of that money could have gone towards a necessity, rather than helping out a friend who is in a financial crisis based on his excessive overspending. I just wasn't thinking clearly and have been rapid cycling on top of it all.

[Unrigged64072835]

We gave my husband's stepbrother $500 so he can move back to his mother. We also gave a friend $500 for living expenses while he was divorcing, since the lawyer cost a lot of money. Don't expect seeing that money again.

I sometimes feel guilty when I impulsively spend, because usually that's when something in the house breaks. I try to beat myself up but that doesn't work. It's weird since I was spending a lot in the spring and now I don't feel like buying anything. That may change again in the fall. I usually spend on clothes.

It's part of the disease, though. It comes in waves. Short of freezing my cards in ice and locking up the computer there isn't a whole lot to do but white-knuckling it.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Once when I was planning an a Alert--
An attempt I almost gave a $1000 ring away. I figured I'd be gone so
Who Cares! Husband was here. I think I was afraid of him knowing what I was up to, so I didn't give it away.
But I spend Way Too Much when manic. Hardly none, just gas and food when depressed.

[Standup2me]

I feel angry at myself for spending too much when manic
I am planning on moving back to my home town, so I've been doing a lot of
cleaning, and I've taken 6 truckloads of stuff to goodwill
So much money I've just wasted
Pure waste
How could I be so stupid?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

I feel angry at myself for spending too much when manic
I am planning on moving back to my home town, so I've been doing a lot of
cleaning, and I've taken 6 truckloads of stuff to goodwill
So much money I've just wasted
Pure waste
How could I be so stupid?

(((hugs))) I understand those feelings. Someone just made a comment today about how impulsive I am with money lately, so it's getting to a point where others are observing me. You are not stupid. I know how hard it can be though, and I catch myself labeling myself as "stupid" a lot, but we must remember it is just this disorder. I'm trying to hold on to the belief that time will help heal.

[Slightlydelusional]

I gave away a bunch of cash while in mania, that I cant believe. I even gave away some Bitcoin which is worth six figures now at the time which was worth a few dollars then. Nobody knew back when it came out, and the guy I gave it to spent it online on stupid stuff and we both tell each other how we fetal position about it almost nightly.

[Sunflower123]

I have had periods of impulsive spending when I've been severely depressed. I would order dozens of things online and from groupon and have box after box come in everyday. Not only could I not afford it...I didn't need these items and and had no room to store them. I did beat myself up but decided to let this be a lesson learned and to do better next time. Best wishes.

[liveforsummer]

My periods of blue and depression with no money spent far outweigh the manic spending sprees so I guess it balances itself out. In a warped kinda way. I guess that means I don't beat myself up over it. What's done is done. Just hopefully as Jennifer said it can be a lesson learned.

[xRavenx]

Thanks everyone. I felt a little better after posting all of this and from reading the responses here. I know I have to just focus on moving forward. I'm still feeling some shame and guilt and hope I can prevent history from repeating itself, since mania affects my judgment. At least now, my thoughts are clear enough where I can see this wasn't a good decision, so that can help guide me.

[VerMOZZica]

I beat myself up too for spending impulsively.Especially since I`m not made of money.But I believe it`s kind of like self medicating on my part it makes me feel better for a little while.I also believe it`s part of my illness.Especially the being impulsive part.

[xRavenx]

I was feeling slightly better about the whole situation this morning, but now I'm kicking myself very hard for giving my friend that amount of money that I probably not going to see ever again (the same mistake I mentioned earlier...not a new one). I did it so impulsively, since this person has a string of financial problems. That was a lot of money that at least I could have used for something that would benefit me, like getting airfare for a nice vacation. I feel like a sucker. Possibly somewhat taken advantage of, but I have myself to blame.