[Goals2017]

I'm in a pretty low place had a lot of SI yesterday and it scared me! I know I'm not at the very bottom or low yet and I pray I don't get there, but I'm wondering how do you know when you have truly reached rock bottom without offing yourself...

The only people who know true rock bottom are the homeless. Out in the cold, hungry, not much sleep, not much food, untreated mental health conditions

[JanusunaJ]

Originally Posted by Goals2017

I'm in a pretty low place had a lot of SI yesterday and it scared me! I know I'm not at the very bottom or low yet and I pray I don't get there, but I'm wondering how do you know when you have truly reached rock bottom without offing yourself...

I first had suicidal thoughts probably when I was elementary school age.

But, I hit rock bottom when I was 26. No suicidal thoughts I had before or after that can compare.

Possible trigger:

For me, it was a "feeling" of absolute emptiness; an experience devoid of my being. I say "feeling" because I didn't feel anything at all. I take that back, the one feeling I remember is relief -- that was after I'd taken 30 sleeping pills and 30 antidepressants, basically all the drugs I could get my hands on. I'd talked to a friend maybe an hour before...didn't tell her what I was going to do. But, she said my voice was devoid of any affect and I didn't sound like myself. She got to my apartment after I'd already been taken to the hospital -- we'd planned on going to another friend's birthday party. She was so upset(hurt) with me; at the hospital she said something along the lines of "You wanted me to find you dead!?" But, I'd not even thought of her. I hadn't thought of anyone. I'd only thought of "it" finally being over. So, yeah, totally empty "feeling". I'll never forget it. Hope to never experience it again.

For me rock bottom was when I was in the hospital and had stopped eating and caring for myself. Extremely low amount of energy, to the point where suicide and SI weren't even possible for me to carry out.

Everyone is different though. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you can talk to about your struggles?

[Teddy Bear]

When I overdosed I was at the bottom. Don't get that far. I think the bottom is when you think about suicide. As long as your not there.

[UpDownAround]

I have a deep seated self preservation instinct so I have never been suicidal. I have been curled up in the fetal position saying I cannot do anything or please anyone and want to be left alone. I have often drank at or near bottom and become a sobbing drunk.

[Goals2017]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

For me rock bottom was when I was in the hospital and had stopped eating and caring for myself. Extremely low amount of energy, to the point where suicide and SI weren't even possible for me to carry out.

Everyone is different though. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you can talk to about your struggles?

I have a therapist I'm gonna start seeing on the 26th I had another one I was seeing but Medicare didn't cover her... I was liking her too but hopefully this new one will be fine. I'm also scared to talk to them about my suicidal thoughts I don't wanna end up back in the hospital because those places make me worse. My suicidal thoughts are unwanted I really don't want to die. I'm just tired of the mental pain... And all the fear that goes on with living.

[Icare dixit]

Severe akathisia and hallucinations, like a migraine without the physical pain but an even worse mental pain, for many days or weeks on end without any relief. You feel like your insides (including your lungs and heart) lack oxygen, like they're burning, like your immune system inflames all your neurons. You can't (really) think (which keeps you safe). It's far worse than actual physical pain (I've had a ruptured appendix and lots of my insides were inflamed for many days, so I know, pretty much; I sometimes have severe migraines; vomiting doesn't work; your body isn't actually overactive so you can't sleep much).

[Unrigged64072835]

When I was on the couch all day, crying. Then moved to the bed, crying. I stopped crying to sleep once in a while. Horrible, achy feeling of hopelessness and utter despair. I ended up sending my daughter to a friend and going IP. I was a single parent at the time and just evicted my abusive ex-fiance, but ended up dating a player. It hurt a lot. When I think of it I can still feel that empty void.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by QuixoticDeLaEternal

I first had suicidal thoughts probably when I was elementary school age.

But, I hit rock bottom when I was 26. No suicidal thoughts I had before or after that can compare.

Possible trigger:

For me, it was a "feeling" of absolute emptiness; an experience devoid of my being. I say "feeling" because I didn't feel anything at all. I take that back, the one feeling I remember is relief -- that was after I'd taken 30 sleeping pills and 30 antidepressants, basically all the drugs I could get my hands on. I'd talked to a friend maybe an hour before...didn't tell her what I was going to do. But, she said my voice was devoid of any affect and I didn't sound like myself. She got to my apartment after I'd already been taken to the hospital -- we'd planned on going to another friend's birthday party. She was so upset(hurt) with me; at the hospital she said something along the lines of "You wanted me to find you dead!?" But, I'd not even thought of her. I hadn't thought of anyone. I'd only thought of "it" finally being over. So, yeah, totally empty "feeling". I'll never forget it. Hope to never experience it again.

Please don't ever do that again. I just can't imagine how the following days it must have been riding out those side effects. There are so many things to life that I hope you are able to see.
What do you think made you do that?
Do you feel unloved?
My father and stepsister committed suicide.
They left me totally devastated.
I still suffer. I still hurt.
Maybe they thought they were unappreciated or unloved.
They were sadly and greatly mistaken.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by Goals2017

I have a therapist I'm gonna start seeing on the 26th I had another one I was seeing but Medicare didn't cover her... I was liking her too but hopefully this new one will be fine. I'm also scared to talk to them about my suicidal thoughts I don't wanna end up back in the hospital because those places make me worse. My suicidal thoughts are unwanted I really don't want to die. I'm just tired of the mental pain... And all the fear that goes on with living.

Those fears and concerns that you bravely expressed to all of us also need to be heard by your doctors.
Perhaps it's not all what you thought it may would turn out.
I wish you the very best.

[mccarrolmike]

For me, it was finally reaching my own independence. I lived by myself. I finally made it. Ironically, where did all my friends go when before I was encircled by them. There was never a dull moment with my friends.
Yet there I was living a bit further north from all my loved ones. Feeling alone.
I hate to say this but it's the truth.
My best friend and love of my life has been, methamphetamine.
So, I was already addicted to meth years prior to my own independence.
I used meth to get me by. Like how Adderall was prescribed to me but my doctor was not aware of my methamphetamine addiction. When I would joyfully dispense my Adderall with my friends to have a good time or whatever it may be, at the end of the month it would always bite me in the *** (pardon my language).
Therefore, I would score meth to keep me through my working days.
As I was spiraling downwardly out of control, due to my intense cravings, I started carelessly to take away from my monthly rent.
I knew this.
However, I had to have my meth and my Adderrall.
It was the worst roller coaster ride ever up to that point of my life.
God willingly, my last awful ride.
There I was.
In my efficiency, feeling all alone and distant.
That all went away whenever I consumed either of the two mentioned substances.
When the month neared, I didn't have money to pay for own little space.
But that is how powerful my addiction to amphetamines were. Without amphetamines, life was a painstaking task. I'd be laying in my bed in my deepest depression. I would have been too tired to work. My love for amphetamines started when I noticed that it made my life seem simpler.
When in fact, over the years, it slowly crept up with my life. Amphetamines are a double edged sword.
My addiction grabbed me by the soul.
I felt embarrassed.
I felt like a complete idiot. The meth made me feel even worse.
So I had no choice to walk out of the efficiency and live in the streets for the following 2 weeks.
It was the most lowest and darkest point in my life.
I had access to food stamps. So thankfully I didn't starve.
I slept behind this supermarket. On the grass until one night I was awoken by the light of a police car.
I walked towards the police officer in his car and asked me if I was ok. I told him yes. He asked what was I doing there.
I told him that I had no place to go.
That I was homeless.
He then told me, I'm sorry but you can't sleep behind private property.
The expression on the officers face I'll never forget.
His face expression spoke louder than his words.
I felt his pain and sympathy he had towards me.
So I walked away into the dark oblivion of the night. Down another dark lonely path through the night.

Finally, I reached out for help.
The reason why I didn't earlier was the initial shock that I couldn't believe I was actually living through this.
I was waiting to finally wake up from this nightmare.
But never did because I finally took in and accepted what was really happening to me.
I was also completely embarrassed to convey the truth to my family.
How could I explain my situation to them without breaking their hearts?
I had to face the music.
I had to say the truth.
The truth set me free when I finally spoke.
How could i get help if I stayed quite? When i finally revealed all the ugly monochromatic shades that tarnished the colors to life, I experienced an epiphany of liberty.
Well, this December in 2017 will mark 5 years of being methamphetamine clean.
Also, Adderall free.
Having lived through darkness, I have learned to live life with more passion.
That was how hitting rock bottom for me was like. I will never go down that path again.

[*Laurie*]

The very bottom...terrible fear of losing everything I love and care about, complete, utter hopelessness, seriously considering that the time to suicide has arrived, and - perhaps worst of all - a complete inability to express how awful I feel. Can't speak, can't touch, can't say it. I'm all locked up. A terrible, vicious isolation.

[raspberrytorte]

My rock bottom was briefly losing my family, losing my job, losing pretty much my entire life in general and having to go live with my parents. This happened last July. That was my rock bottom! I managed to destroy my life.

[Guiness187055]

The only thing I know is when I think I am at my lowest. The next time is worse.

[BipolaRNurse]

I hit rock bottom back in October 2014. I had lost my career, much of my dignity and was in the process of losing my home when I decided that my family would be better off if I weren't around to disappoint them. You see, I knew where the gun was, and I knew where the pills were, and while my husband went grocery shopping I locked myself in the bathroom because I was so afraid of what I would do. I could picture myself caressing my temple with the gun, or taking a fistful of drugs that would hopefully end it without me ending up in the ER with tubes coming out of every orifice. I did go to the hospital that day under my own steam, which undoubtedly saved my life. I don't ever want to be that sick again.

[Anrea]

If another person hit where I was, they may have committed suicide. If yet another person hit where I was, they would have thought," this isn't so bad".

Each person low is unique to themself.

I describe my 2 lows (I am over 50) this way:

Crying for 3 days, not getting out of bed until forced, not being able to open the window or doors or answer the phone for 2 weeks without a panic attack, having to drive over a bridge 3 weeks after and having to slow to 10mph, and having a panic attack). It took months to overcome.

2nd low: agoraphobia for a year, GAD, panic attacks, a slow 8 year improvement.

The first time I survived because I didn't want to commit suicide with 2 young children. The 2nd time I got over it because I had a supportive spouse.

Use your professional support staff, group, friends - avoid all who make you feel uncomfortable. Find the safety and peace in quiet and low light. Good scents, and reduce any extra responsibility (who needs 6 plates when there are 2 people).

Best of luck to us all. <3

[Goals2017]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

My rock bottom was briefly losing my family, losing my job, losing pretty much my entire life in general and having to go live with my parents. This happened last July. That was my rock bottom! I managed to destroy my life.

Did you ever recover?

[Sunflower123]

I know I've hit rock bottom when I feel utter hopelessness and despair to the extent that it seems to be the only logical course of action. Best wishes.

[scatterbrained04]

I've hit some pretty low spots, but I don't think I've hit rock bottom yet. I'm sorry you are struggling. Big hugs!

[minielf]

Maybe people do not even know when they have hit rock bottom?

[Goals2017]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I've hit some pretty low spots, but I don't think I've hit rock bottom yet. I'm sorry you are struggling. Big hugs!

Same I refuse to hit rock bottom I've been low even some SI because of it but I know things could be a lot worse. I clean myself, I workout, I eat. I think I just have situational depression which EVERYONE gets eventually or from time to time weather they have a illness or not. So I've decided to start doing something about it and make an effort to set goals and met them to fight and take back ground in my mind. Thanks.

[Ellie17]

Originally Posted by Goals2017

I'm in a pretty low place had a lot of SI yesterday and it scared me! I know I'm not at the very bottom or low yet and I pray I don't get there, but I'm wondering how do you know when you have truly reached rock bottom without offing yourself...

I think that it's when that SI becomes extremely prevalent/frequent as in daily or multiple times within a weeks time span. Unfortunately, so many are unable to relate to these thoughts and feelings and equally unfortunate is that many professionals cannot or will not either. They either over or under react. (My own, otherwise excellent therapist does not seem to take my suicidal thoughts seriously at all. Too bad for me). A couple of times I have called the US National Suicide Hotline and was really surprised that they did not judge nor criticize nor challenge my emotional state. They connected me to a Professional who listened, asked appropriate questions, expressed concern, and made a follow-up plan with me.