My psychiatrist said I was acting selfish?

Sorry if this is long, and if this is in the wrong forum. I was diagnosed Bipolar II so I thought it would go here. So basically my psychiatrist likes to talk to me before giving me medication. While that's good, I feel like she tells me things that really affect me… Honestly until lately I've had a huge distrust of psychiatric medicine. What didn't help was people around me telling me that psychiatrists were in it for the money and trying to poison my mind. I believed it in a way too after my first stint at age 15 with a therapist (I'm 20 now) . I have found it really hard to open up to my therapist and psychiatrist. I'm opening up more to my therapist now at least…

Some of my biggest insecurities include, not being able to (and being afraid of), driving, and not having a job. Also, not living alone yet.
I'm a full time student still living with my parents with no job. I take the bus. My dad (the one who pays the bills, my mom and dad are separated). Says he doesn't mind, but I still feel terrible. I feel so stupid for not being able to handle anything but school (at least have a good grade average I guess). I really hate myself for it. I feel like I can't get anywhere. I quit my first job after having a breakdown at work after the first week. Nothing since then. I feel really guilty, I also can't even drive. I feel like a burden. I forget simple things sometimes and my depression drives me down a lot. I was explaining to my therapist why I was anxious about my uncle (who is an alcoholic) coming to live with us. I know that it's not a nice worry but I still was anxious about that possibility. I like him a lot but I am afraid of sharing the house with him, because of already big tensions in this house and family. I know it was wrong to prejudge that but did she really have to say I was selfish? I can't stop obsessively thinking about it two months later and it's fueling my depression…

What she basically said was that I was a spoiled girl and I didn't know the true problems of the world. I have to eventually get out of this situation sometime and learn how hard the world actually is by getting a job. She also said that she once knew this family that lived six people in one room, so I should feel extremely lucky by having my own. Honestly I felt extremely hurt by what she said. It's not like I don't know how lucky I am. I KNOW I'm inept. I KNOW I'm only doing the bare minimum by going to school. It's a thought that torments me often. Somehow I still feel terrible constantly though. Hearing it confirmed by a professional just hurts me even more, knowing that they know a lot. It seriously hurt me and I couldn't help but cry afterwards. As if I needed any more reason to hate myself.

I know I'm too sensitive, but sometimes hearing something negative like this becomes an obsession/intrusive thought that wears me down and won't go away. She kept telling me before this time that I wasn't that sick. Yeah, maybe I downplayed my symptoms, because I couldn't trust her yet. Does she really have to say things like that though? I want to let go of the thought but it won't go away. Even if my friends reassure me, I think they're lying to me to make me feel better. Sorry for the rant.

I'm disgusted with this therapist. Completely utterly appalled. It's like she basically dismissed your problems because people have it worse. Like if a man loses a leg, you tell him to stop complaining because some people lose both. This is sickening logic from a heartless person who needs re-training in their chosen profession. My father has moved in with us. He was very violent to me in my youth. He drinks and brings alcohol into my home which I feel deep apprehension about. It's VERY stressful and my nerves are in edge and stomach in constant knots. Your therapist would tell me I'm selfish too and would have no idea what they were talking about. How completely sickening......I'm so sorry you were diminished like this by someone who is suppose to support and help you. (((Hugs)))

This may be an inappropriate response, but your therapist sounds like an awful person. I don't see anything selfish about having a concern about an alcoholic coming to freaking live with you. I suppose there are various types of alcoholics, in regards to their behavior. But, I have an uncle who is also an alcoholic. And while I like him and have no problem with him, he's one of my favorite family members, he can become belligerent after he's had a lot to drink. So, I can definitely see why you'd be apprehensive about your uncle coming to live with you and your folks. Secondly, you're in school...full time...while coping with a severe mood disorder. And you're doing well grade-wise! Props for that. It would be very difficult, nigh impossible, to work and make a relatively decent income for a student, while taking a full load of classes, simultaneously while dealing with a demanding mental illness. You shouldn't let the fact that you're still living at home make you feel terrible. Student housing is expensive; living off-campus is expensive. And your therapist says that you should count yourself as lucky?! That's very upsetting. To me, when people say things like that, it's like they're totally and egregiously negating your experience. As if what's happening with you isn't important too.

To answer your question, no, I do not think she has to say things like that. I think it's very unprofessional and discourteous. I can see why she upsets you.

I agree, that was a really insensitive and inappropriate thing to say. Maybe you should look into finding a new therapist. I certainly would.

Wow. It's so sad that there are therapists out there that would say negative things like that. I have 2 son's in their 20s and they both live at home. The oldest one is going to try college again this fall. He does have a job (He has bp as well) but I would be happy with him just going to school and making good grades like you. He didn't get his DL until he was older either. I'm sure your dad is just happy that you're in school and doing well. He's not worried about you not having a job so you shouldnt feel bad. I think youre doing awesome for being able to handle school full time. As for the alcoholic family member. That can be really stressful and you have every right to be concerned. Home should be the one place you can have peace. Stress is the last thing you need.
I am speechless though when it comes to your therapist. I agree with some of the previous posts about their thoughts on your therapist.
Keep up the good work in school! Beating yourself up is common with depression but don't beat yourself up about not having a job right now, you don't need that stress. You'll take that step to get your DL when you're ready. My son's girlfriend is in driving school right now and she's 21.

I would start looking for someone new. It sounds like she's burnt out.

I'd look for a new therapist too. She sounds horrible.

What your therapist said was inappropriate and unnecessary. Having concerns about your alcoholic uncle living with you is totally legitimate and I can understand your concern. Please be kind and compassionate with yourself. Going to school full time is a really big accomplishment.

Have you been with this therapist long? If you've built a rapport, I'd say talk to her about it. If not, switch to someone that is a better fit for you. Best wishes.

I'm shocked a therapist said that. That's appalling. They are meant to be supportive and not judgmental. I'd echo others saying it may be worth trying to find a new therapist. If any of my support team said anything like that to me I'd be looking to get them off my support team asap

Ooooooh. Find a new therapist NOW. That one is burned out and bitter and she has no business practicing at this time. One of the gold standards of psychotherapy is to
N E V E R judge one person's pain as less than another's. Each person is an individual with varying life experience.

I agree with everyone else that you may want to find a new therapist. I definitely would. Your therapist is supposed to be the person you can trust with all that's going on in your head.

Your Dad loves you and is happy to see you doing well. Don't worry about that. As for your therapist: caring about yourself is what therapy is about. It's not fair or useful for her to change the basic premise.

But I will say this--we've had financially hard times when we were this close to losing our house and food was even a problem. Right now, we're doing comparatively well, but that still means a 24-year old truck somebody gave us and holes in the kitchen floor. I was complaining to the kids and they were sad because we were "poor" and I thought "Oh my god! We have a washer and dryer and refrigerator and a color tv and clean water right out of a sink!" Sometimes it really can help to think about the poor person who doesn't have any legs. I explained to my children how very rich we were compared to most of the rest of the world. Give yourself sympathy when you need it but don't lose perspective either.

Thank you everyone for all your replies! I think at least I know that I'm not happy with her and should maybe switch. I think I will try to speak of it next time I go (about switching).

I understand what you're pointing out, but the therapy situation is different than regular life. A patient's problems and pain must never, ever be dismissed by a pdoc, therapist, or counselor.

Comparing your suffering to someone else's is just plain wrong, especially from a therapist. You need to spend your good money elsewhere.