Went out to a bar called "Drink" for dinner last night. I was with some co-workers, one of who knew the bartender quite well. He said the bartender was well known in the area, so he said, "you should ask him to make you something. like, ask him and not someone else."

When I found the guy, of course I told him to make me whatever he wanted... "as long as it's sweet and tasty". Well, he made me some concoction of raspberry puree, rum (specifically Bacardi 151), and some kind of bourbon which he didn't say which kind it was. Then he added some other fruit juices to it whose names I couldn't make out. (It might've been like apple juice or something. idk... but def not prune juice!) I thought it tasted pretty good. Then I had some lemon drink which I was too drunk to remember what was in it.

Anyway, got close to getting hammered. My mind is all over the place because I haven't taken meds in who knows how long! I was going to take them last night for real, but then.... then... then.... alcohol happened. I don't like the idea of mixing drugs w/ alcohol. And yet, as much as I regret doing all of that, I want to do it again and again. This time I want cherry, or lime... even! Hell, cherry lime?

I'm so bad. Is it sad that I'd rather drink than eat? I didn't eat anything all day yesterday and hardly ate a thing today.

[bioChE]

I think your first sentence says a lot. You went to "Drink" for dinner.

In all seriousness though, you should probably get back on your meds before you start self-medicating with alcohol. I know that path, I've been down it....and it doesn't end well.

[boogiesmash]

Blue please take you meds

Isn't it fascinating how we can see our issues and unhealthy patterns and yet not stop engaging in them? I used to think that if I could only figure out my issues I could solve them.....it's not as easy as that, though I have done a better job now that I know what I'm dealing with. I want to drink oh so very bad right now so I can certainly understand the appeal. I hope you find your footing soon Blue. As other posters have mentioned, drinking and self medicating can be a slippery slope. A night of drinking won't usually kill you however so not much harm done. Please take care of yourself blue.....you have so very much going for you. We are here to listen. Take good care.

[Sunflower123]

Thinking of you and hoping you come to a decision that's right for you. You may need to keep an eye on the drinking if you'd rather do that then eat or take your meds. You're not alone. I've self medicated with alcohol as well. Sending big hugs.

[Guiness187055]

I self medicated with alcohol for years it always ended very badly.

[raspberrytorte]

I self medicated with alcohol for many years too, and it also didn't end well.

[bioChE]

So what's the update, blue? Have you been drinking or taking meds? Or neither?

[Woolly Bugger]

Might be time to go to a meeting.