[JanusunaJ]

I am not entirely sure what it is that I am remembering. What I mean by that is that I cannot remember specifics of my past, those sequential snapshots that were layered with richness, sound, and emotion -- my subjective experience. However, now, instead of those imbued sequences that were once so clear and easily accessible, I only recollect memories of unorganized remembrances of those sequences; rather, recollections no longer of those sequences in their entireties, but only singular pixelated, grainy, and worn snapshots. One tattered and obscured snapshot excised per reel that had comprised an entire event.

An event is a person or interpersonal interactions or experiences such as a road trip or social gatherings.

I cannot actually remember the people of my past. It seems that I remember the emotion that was attached to the people, but I can't remember conversations or really any substantial definition of these people. I may remember 1-5% of the entirety of my interaction with a single person, for instance; an interaction that spanned multiple years.

Just a handful of snapshots.

I can remember 1-second sound bites, which is a rare occurrence. I can remember when I first met them. I can remember being places and doing things with them -- concerts, parties, bars, homes, first home purchases, traveling together, etc.; however, just snapshots of those moments, no more than that; no words that we exchanged, no definition to our interactions only faded imperceptible silhouettes. I can't remember their idiosyncracies, their nuanced and unique personalities. I can't remember their laughter. I can't remember their facial expressions. I can't remember their style of movement. Therefore, I don't understand what of them I'm remembering; I don't understand the yearning to reconnect if all that I can "remember" are apocryphal emotions that have been ostensibly lost in translation. I don't understand why there exists the sadness stemming from the lost connection.

I'd read somewhere that it isn't necessarily the person that you miss, but more so the expectation of the future continuance of interaction. Maybe that's what I'm missing and I don't miss the people at all. How can I miss the people if I don't really remember them?

It's not only people that I have a difficult time remembering. It's also difficult to remember, with any substance, any significant events of my life. It's as though I'm walking around an empty city; entering a rarity of buildings only to find no people and only that the structure of the buildings are intact, but no furniture or artwork or plant life or sound or richness of color or smell.

It seems to me that a person is their memories, seen by way of their effect on apperceptions. Those memories, even if not readily or capably recalled, seem to give birth to their distinguishing quintessences. But, if you can't remember enormous chunks of your life, what does that say?

[rwwff]

Originally Posted by QuixoticDeLaEternal

It seems to me that a person is their memories, seen by way of their effect on apperceptions. Those memories, even if not readily or capably recalled, seem to give birth to their distinguishing quintessences. But, if you can't remember enormous chunks of your life, what does that say?

I don't think it says all that much really, but then again, not being able to remember has been my "normal" state forever as far as I can tell. I do think those prior experience impact and shape my personality, whether I remember them or not; and I simply accept that who I am, is what I choose to do, on this day.

Even if the vague recall that I have still have were to go completely silent, I think this would remain true. I think, I act, therefore, I am me defined by those actions and thoughts.