Let's talk mania

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 07:27 PM

When i answer the questions on the mania questionair I answer yes to all of them. But I'm still so unsure. I've had periods where I'm super happy and silly. And wanted to paint rooms in the house in a spur of the moment thought and did it non stop until it was done. I didnt feel the need for sleep. I also can get really pissed and over react and have a tantrum which is out of character for me. I got us into financial trouble sending my kids to private school for 10 yrs when we didn't have the money for it and buying other things with no thinking that we didn't have the money. I act impulsively. Just a thought crosses my mind like taking a few lorazepam or trying to find out how I could get a joint. Always something risky or could get me in trouble. I never feel like I'm a celebrity or someone important. Mostly just hyper, irritated easily, impulsive, more energy, no sleep, more interest in sex. Is this possible mania? I'm so sceptical. The pdoc thinks it is.

What's your mania like?

Aug 10, 2017, 07:39 PM

Too paranoid to talk about it and that sums it up pretty well surprisingly. The symptoms I get I get judged for and people say terrible things about those who have them and think ignorant truly stupid things about symptoms I cannot control which are not part of my normal. Luckily I've never acted on my symptoms and have gotten help when I've needed it. I want to punch someone right in their giant ugly face right now....is that a symptom or a reasonable response to this persons ignorant dumazz way of thinking and being? I don't know I just know a fist between their eyes would help me. I'm sorry for saying that and wish I didn't feel how I do right now. I'm in tears over this frustration. I slept a long time right now so not even sure I'm manic but I have several of my personal red flags waving and warning bells blaring.

I'm sorry you are struggling.

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Too paranoid to talk about it and that sums it up pretty well surprisingly. The symptoms I get I get judged for and people say terrible things about those who have them and think ignorant truly stupid things about symptoms I cannot control which are not part of my normal. Luckily I've never acted on my symptoms and have gotten help when I've needed it. I want to punch someone right in their giant ugly face right now....is that a symptom or a reasonable response to this persons ignorant dumazz way of thinking and being? I don't know I just know a fist between their eyes would help me. I'm sorry for saying that and wish I didn't feel how I do right now. I'm in tears over this frustration. I slept a long time right now so not even sure I'm manic but I have several of my personal red flags waving and warning bells blaring.

I'm sorry you are struggling.

I'm sorry you're struggling too. When I'm that pissed I have to take something to make me sleep and sleep it off.
Right now my problem is just that I seem to be looking for some outlet.

Aug 10, 2017, 08:19 PM

Me too. It's like when I quit smoking and get a nicotine fit.....I don't know I want a cigarette just know I need something and will walk around searching in drawers and the fridge and everywhere looking to find something even though I have no idea what I'm actually looking for. Impotence.

UpDownAround · Aug 10, 2017, 08:52 PM

@Tbk1966,

As you noted, you check a lot of boxes. Are you seeing a psych doc/NP or a therapist?

I blurt stuff that is inappropriate sometimes due to social norms/taboos and/or HR policies. I do get some of the grandiose thinking at times. I leave some sentences unfinished, totally skip others and then get frustrated with people who obviously are not smart enough to carry on a conversation with me. Lately I have been only slightly hypomanic with only a few blurts and some elevated mood signs (occasionally grinning and sometimes chuckling for no reason). Maybe a couple of incomplete sentences. But I don't want meds tweaked because I am so happy and I was so sad for so long.

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Me too. It's like when I quit smoking and get a nicotine fit.....I don't know I want a cigarette just know I need something and will walk around searching in drawers and the fridge and everywhere looking to find something even though I have no idea what I'm actually looking for. Impotence.

I just got done doing that. I quit smoking 1 yr ago and just now I was going through my son's room looking for a cigarette or marijuana. None found. Looking through meds to see what I can take. Just lorazepam and hydrocodone. I am not a druggie in any way but I get like this and I find myself desperate for some relief.

Woolly Bugger · Aug 10, 2017, 09:12 PM

If you are looking for some pot or something else too take to get some relief, it may mean that your meds need tweaking. I went off my meds for a couple of weeks and was always wanting a drink or a lorazepam in order to get some relief. Went back on my meds and the cravings went away immediately. Good luck.

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

@Tbk1966,

As you noted, you check a lot of boxes. Are you seeing a psych doc/NP or a therapist?

I blurt stuff that is inappropriate sometimes due to social norms/taboos and/or HR policies. I do get some of the grandiose thinking at times. I leave some sentences unfinished, totally skip others and then get frustrated with people who obviously are not smart enough to carry on a conversation with me. Lately I have been only slightly hypomanic with only a few blurts and some elevated mood signs (occasionally grinning and sometimes chuckling for no reason). Maybe a couple of incomplete sentences. But I don't want meds tweaked because I am so happy and I was so sad for so long.

It's all confusing. I was diagnosed 10 yrs ago bp 1 w/ psychosis. I don't have the full blown mania I read that people have. I mainly have major depression. But I do have times where I'm not myself and I go into a rage and other times when I feel like I have a ton of energy and don't need to sleep at all and don't want to sleep because I've had all these ideas of things I want to do. And when I start a project I get obsessed with it working on it day and night then I might just stop suddenly and have no more interest in it though it's almost done. Of course a lot of things I forget and only see if I wrote it in my journal. But nothing I would need to be hospitalized for. Now during a depression that's a different matter and hospitalization may be pissible.

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 09:22 PM

Yes I have a therapist. He hates labels and I don't believe he believes I'm bipolar. My pdocs do. My new pdoc I saw Monday believes I'm bp1, suicidal, self mutilating and a danger. PLEASE. She's nuts! Because I have broken something while I was angered is "serious". Self mutilating because I tried to dig bugs out of my skin during a hallucination. I don't think I even broke the skin.

Tkb1966 · Aug 10, 2017, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

If you are looking for some pot or something else too take to get some relief, it may mean that your meds need tweaking. I went off my meds for a couple of weeks and was always wanting a drink or a lorazepam in order to get some relief. Went back on my meds and the cravings went away immediately. Good luck.

The only med I have to tweak is lamictal right now. My new pdoc increased it but I'm not going to take the other meds she prescribed. Seroquel, buspar and pristiq. I gave her a list of all the meds I have taken and she said "Oh well you have taken most everything there is". I have a t who is against meds and a pdoc who just wants to throw meds at me. Im tired of meds and have never had luck with them. Im desperate to get out of this depression im in but i dont know what to do. I also dont know how to tell my new pdoc im not taking what she prescribed.

Aug 11, 2017, 12:22 AM

So are you mixed them? Your first post said manic or explained mania but your last post says you are desperate to get out of depression. Be honest if you are not taking your meds and why.....they can try to help you come up with a plan. Good luck.

Tkb1966 · Aug 11, 2017, 03:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

So are you mixed them? Your first post said manic or explained mania but your last post says you are desperate to get out of depression. Be honest if you are not taking your meds and why.....they can try to help you come up with a plan. Good luck.

No, right now I'm deeply depressed and I was before I went to see my new pdoc. I was just questioning whether I have had mania. I answered yes to all the questions on mania and my original diagnosis 10 years ago was also bp 1 w/psychosis but I guess I'm just questioning it because I've never been hospitalized and when I read cases of mania I have nothing as severe or quite like theirs.
I just think this pdoc was convinced I had bp 1 by the questions I answered and I guess I wish she would have talked about my symptoms more before she jumped to that conclusion. I don't have many people around be a lot maybe to really recognize if I'm manic and I tend to forget what was going on. I read old journals before I went to see her and was reminded of some episodes I had but mostly in my journal it was anger and not needing sleep and being obsessed about projects I was doing. I do remember times when I was overly silly and talking a lot and faster than usual. I remember saying that my thoughts were racing though I don't remember the feeling. If it was mania I haven't had it in a few years. The only thing I have now is near constant depression sometimes major, not sleeping and impulsive and I guess you could say risky behavior which I'm not going to talk about here. Sorry so long.

UpDownAround · Aug 11, 2017, 09:01 AM

So much is subjective as far as diagnosis. Some people tell me I should be BP1 because every now and then I think I am immortal because I can cure any ailment in my body with my mind. But I don't lose control or lose touch with reality. A loose grip is not losing touch.

I have a few textbook events in my history and I denied the diagnosis for a long time due to stigma, so neither p nor d questions the diagnosis. Actually, p did re-evaluate but it was not as extensive as my original diagnosis. Reaction to lamictal kinda sealed the deal. The diagnosis has been coded on insurance filings, so if they mess with pre-existing I am screwed; that is when labels could really matter.

Tkb1966 · Aug 11, 2017, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

So much is subjective as far as diagnosis. Some people tell me I should be BP1 because every now and then I think I am immortal because I can cure any ailment in my body with my mind. But I don't lose control or lose touch with reality. A loose grip is not losing touch.

I have a few textbook events in my history and I denied the diagnosis for a long time due to stigma, so neither p nor d questions the diagnosis. Actually, p did re-evaluate but it was not as extensive as my original diagnosis. Reaction to lamictal kinda sealed the deal. The diagnosis has been coded on insurance filings, so if they mess with pre-existing I am screwed; that is when labels could really matter.

What do you mean by lamictal reaction sealed the deal?

rwwff · Aug 11, 2017, 09:29 AM

Everyone probably knows this, but do recall, a BD1 diagnosis requires only one manic episode in your entire lifetime. If it happened 20 years ago, it still happened, even if our memory or perception of the event doesn't seem to match up. If a doc saw you manic and made the call, it's kinda done and over as far as labels go.

otoh, what really counts is whether your treatment plan works, regardless of label.

Tkb1966 · Aug 11, 2017, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwwff

Everyone probably knows this, but do recall, a BD1 diagnosis requires only one manic episode in your entire lifetime. If it happened 20 years ago, it still happened, even if our memory or perception of the event doesn't seem to match up. If a doc saw you manic and made the call, it's kinda done and over as far as labels go.

otoh, what really counts is whether your treatment plan works, regardless of label.

That's true. I guess to question it is natural even though the evidence is pretty much in your face. But my t does not like labels so we don't even mention bipolar and of course the pdoc are opposite and you try so hard to hide your symptoms from your family that they don't see sometimes the extent of it, though it's impossible to hide it all.
Just the thought of starting on another med combo has me stressed and I haven't filled th rx. I really don't want to take what she has prescribed. But she'll be pissed huh if I tell her I don't want to take them.

Aug 11, 2017, 11:11 AM

Doctors getting pissed is just silly. These meds can be dangerous and who pays the price if something happens? Not the doctor I can assure you....they will accept no blame which really is unfair. You'd likely not even get an "I'm sorry" about it so don't care about them being pissed and call them on it if they do. It's your body, not theirs and you have a say. Getting pissed just makes it less likely a person will be fully honest and honesty is so important in these relationships. Let her know you are worried and perhaps (if she's worth her paycheck) she can help you work through and past it. (((Hugs)))

Tkb1966 · Aug 11, 2017, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Doctors getting pissed is just silly. These meds can be dangerous and who pays the price if something happens? Not the doctor I can assure you....they will accept no blame which really is unfair. You'd likely not even get an "I'm sorry" about it so don't care about them being pissed and call them on it if they do. It's your body, not theirs and you have a say. Getting pissed just makes it less likely a person will be fully honest and honesty is so important in these relationships. Let her know you are worried and perhaps (if she's worth her paycheck) she can help you work through and past it. (((Hugs)))

Thank you elsamars! That makes me fell better!

UpDownAround · Aug 12, 2017, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tkb1966

What do you mean by lamictal reaction sealed the deal?

It doesn't do much, if anything, for people who don't need their moods stabilized. It is just one more indicator when one of the common BP meds like lithium or lamictal work that they made the right diagnosis. According to psych NP, a lot of the difficulty in finding the right mix of meds is working with the wrong diagnosis. When I avoided the stigma by pretending it was just some moderate depression and ADHD, my doctor was really frustrated trying to treat it.

Tkb1966 · Aug 12, 2017, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

It doesn't do much, if anything, for people who don't need their moods stabilized. It is just one more indicator when one of the common BP meds like lithium or lamictal work that they made the right diagnosis. According to psych NP, a lot of the difficulty in finding the right mix of meds is working with the wrong diagnosis. When I avoided the stigma by pretending it was just some moderate depression and ADHD, my doctor was really frustrated trying to treat it.

Lamictal has definitely helped stabilize me. It's this stinking depression that won't go away! And I'm so not wanting to try something else again. And if I do I want it to be the right one right away with no side effects lol.

UpDownAround · Aug 12, 2017, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwwff

Everyone probably knows this, but do recall, a BD1 diagnosis requires only one manic episode in your entire lifetime. If it happened 20 years ago, it still happened, even if our memory or perception of the event doesn't seem to match up. If a doc saw you manic and made the call, it's kinda done and over as far as labels go.

otoh, what really counts is whether your treatment plan works, regardless of label.

My episodes from 40 years ago were not totally ignored; questions were asked for a deeper understanding of them, but I was diagnosed type 2 despite them (no question they would have made it type 1 if recent). I guess there is the question of drug involvement though; in the 70s, a lot of PCP and MDA went up my nose along with lungs full of pot and hash and sometimes a belly full of mushrooms (belly full of beer quite often). I was diagnosed type 2 about 23 years ago without providing an accurate full history and the more recent diagnosis is likely taking that one into account and just confirming that BP is not cured...

Moose72 · Aug 12, 2017, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Me too. It's like when I quit smoking and get a nicotine fit.....I don't know I want a cigarette just know I need something and will walk around searching in drawers and the fridge and everywhere looking to find something even though I have no idea what I'm actually looking for. Impotence.

That's how I was on risperdal. Wandering around looking for something not knowing quite what it was over and over until finally BAM! I realize I'm looking for my baby to nurse- only I don't have a baby currently.

sgpg_ · Aug 12, 2017, 02:39 PM

I feel you. I am undiagnosed, I feel major depression most of my days, some rare days I might even scratch myself until I bleed. Some day, I wake up with more energy than normal and feel great urges to start new projects and clean everything up and etc. but nothing that would make me need hospitalization, and that actually makes me feel worse because I feel that not even my possible manic episodes are enough for someone to grab me and convince me I'm not being myself. As I'm a huge intrvert I hide my symptoms as much as I can but then I get mad at people for not noticing that. So confusing.

laracroft3 · Aug 12, 2017, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tkb1966

When i answer the questions on the mania questionair I answer yes to all of them. But I'm still so unsure. I've had periods where I'm super happy and silly. And wanted to paint rooms in the house in a spur of the moment thought and did it non stop until it was done. I didnt feel the need for sleep. I also can get really pissed and over react and have a tantrum which is out of character for me. I got us into financial trouble sending my kids to private school for 10 yrs when we didn't have the money for it and buying other things with no thinking that we didn't have the money. I act impulsively. Just a thought crosses my mind like taking a few lorazepam or trying to find out how I could get a joint. Always something risky or could get me in trouble. I never feel like I'm a celebrity or someone important. Mostly just hyper, irritated easily, impulsive, more energy, no sleep, more interest in sex. Is this possible mania? I'm so sceptical. The pdoc thinks it is.

What's your mania like?

So glad this thread came up…
My mania is more like having so many goals for myself then feeling down and lost when I’m not where I want to be. I would like to be a yoga instructor/ special fx artist/ established painter/ singer-songwriter-producer/ bartender/ graphic designer/ author. but there is simply not enough hours in the day. I DO feel much more productive when going through mania, with having a lesser need for sleep and all.
Plus I have way more confidence and push myself further.

Keep in mind believing that you do not have a grandiose sense of self worth could also be a symptom OF having it. Monitor your interactions throughout the day AS it’s happening and not afterwards when you’ve had time to put things into a bias perspective. If you’ve checked off most to all of the other symptoms chances are you also have this one.