[sgpg_]

Hey, I'm new here. I always came here to read things when I got confused about how I feel, but I really need to ask this, as I'd like some more opinions. I'm 19, I'm going to college this year. I have epilepsy and I take Keppra (anti-convulsion med) 500mg 3x/day. I usually feel sad, melancholic, very sensible and afraid to talk/hear/see something that might put me even more down. I feel super tired even though I don't do nothing (I spend most of my days at my gf's house with her mom because I feel less lonely, even though my parents are great - I don't know, different company!) and when they tell me to go somewhere like having coffee/shopping or something I feel such a weight in my body, such a drowsiness just by thinking I have to leave the bed. This is usually my routine (wether school or holidays). I have no friends because I am becoming misantropic since I had a big fight with my group of friends and also I feel pretty anxious and selective when talking to people I'm not very comfortable with. My neurologist made me take 25mg of Zoloft a day because I reported him a huge irritability with everyone around me, and I do feel better. So, I am almost always somewhat feeling depressed, but there are days when I feel pretty normal (although I always feel my mood very vulnerable to any environment around me). I've done lots and lots of quizzes just to help me figure out what I might have, and they always ""diagnose"" bipolar disorder II. But when I look at my routine, I can't see much of a mania. The only things I notice are: out-of-the-blue with no reason irritability, "normal"/happy to hopelessness very quickly, sometimes I feel very very lazy but then out of a sudden I start cleaning amd tidying everything around me. When I'm on public transports or on the street I get very angry at some stupid and selfish but inoffensive actions from other people towards others and I begin imagining them dying very slowly and painfully, and I swear a lot to myself - a few hours later, I feel an awful person because of my previous and unnecessary thoughts. At night, rarely, when me and my girlfriend have a stupid fight or something silly upsets me I go to bed, turn off all the lights and begin strongly holding my tears and my heavy breath, and feel a huge urge to hurt myself, so I scratch all my body until I can't anymore. Then, I fall asleep and wake up the next day feeling ridiculous and, again, sad. Also, sometimes I begin feeling a huge sensation of creativity and organization and I start planning dream trips or a great plan for the next day (which I end up losing all the will). My girlfriend does her best to make me feel motivated and so does her mom. My mom has a huge patience for my mood swings and my dad understands my feelings because he feels a lot like me. My brother just finished medic school and told me and my mom I should see a specialist, and I heard him whisper to my mom that I have symptoms of bipolar or borderline). All these weird and mixed feelings are making me crazy and I'm aiming to go to a specialist. I just feel so alone with all these feelings, I need the opinion of someone who feels the same way. Is there someone bipolar with no obvious mania? Or are my symptoms actually manic? Ah, writing this made me feel better. I'm sorry for the long text. Thanks in advance!

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm no doctor but you can get irritability with pure depression as well. It doesn't necessarily sound like you have mania (or hypomania), but again, I'm not a doctor. I recommend trying to get a full psychiatric evaluation done.

[Victoria'smom]

I'd go to a psychologist. They don't provide medication but can diagnose you and usually spend more time with you as they do therapy instead of just meds.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. Please be evaluated by a psychiatrist. You may very well have bipolar II and are displaying signs of hypomania. You may not. I have bipolar II disorder but always have severe depression and no mania or hypomania so it is possible. A professional evaluation is your best bet. Sending big hugs.

[*Laurie*]

Yeah, you need to be professionally evaluated. That said, I will tell you that I have been diagnosed bipolar 2, but have never had a full-blown, typical manic episode. I've experienced unstable mood, edginess and extreme irritability. Music playing incessantly in my head. In mid-life, the 'positive' hypomania (exaltation feelings) turned into a dysphoric mania...severe anxiety, for example.

Mood stabilizers (lithium) help me.

To answer the title question, yes, it's very possible to have Bipolar without CLEAR mania. Hypomania is required though but hypomania can be so subtle as to not recognize it in yourself and just see it as having really good days. During hypomania I wake up refreshed without needing as much sleep as normal, I talk quicker and more....am more social and seek out people to talk to.....spend more money, laugh at everything and feel really good mentally. Nobody would think "that girls crazy" they would just see me as friendly and upbeat. I agree with the others that you should be evaluated. Some things you've written point to the possibility but nothing that jumps out and say absolutely. Good luck and take care.

[~Christina]

Welcome to PC

[scatterbrained04]

I'd agree that it is best to be evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist. It could be bipolar II or something else.

I am bipolar II. I will say that it is very easy to write off hypomania as normal mood or just being in a good mood. It comes out differently from person to person. I didn't really think bipolar fit me until I took my psychiatrist's evaluation. I just thought I had depression and then periods of good mood and motivation. Hypomania can also come out as irritability and anxiousness too.

[CandlesAndSage]

I have Bipolar II and I don't have a lot of hypomania (Though I do have it). I mostly have depressive episodes and panic attacks with an occasional hypomanic bout. So, maybe you're just not recognizing the hypomania and mistaking it for anxiety? It's hard to say. Go see a professional and see what they say. Sorry you're having trouble figuring it out. <3

[fishin fool]

I also have bipolar 2 and have far more depression than hypo mania.
Like others have said it can be very hard to recognize hypo mania.

[BiPolarJoe]

I'll add that determining where you are in the spectrum of depression to mania is best sorted out with a good therapist. Mood diaries are actually something helpful you can do daily and share with your therapist. Getting a good grip on how depressed you get when it's at its worst and how hypomanic or manic you get when your energy seems boundless will help immensely. Glad you joined us here

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I'd agree that it is best to be evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist. It could be bipolar II or something else.

I am bipolar II. I will say that it is very easy to write off hypomania as normal mood or just being in a good mood. It comes out differently from person to person. I didn't really think bipolar fit me until I took my psychiatrist's evaluation. I just thought I had depression and then periods of good mood and motivation. Hypomania can also come out as irritability and anxiousness too.

^^this^^

I am always the first person to realize I am depressed but rarely the first to realize I am hypomanic.

[sgpg_]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

To answer the title question, yes, it's very possible to have Bipolar without CLEAR mania. Hypomania is required though but hypomania can be so subtle as to not recognize it in yourself and just see it as having really good days. During hypomania I wake up refreshed without needing as much sleep as normal, I talk quicker and more....am more social and seek out people to talk to.....spend more money, laugh at everything and feel really good mentally. Nobody would think "that girls crazy" they would just see me as friendly and upbeat. I agree with the others that you should be evaluated. Some things you've written point to the possibility but nothing that jumps out and say absolutely. Good luck and take care.

Yeah well right now i'm not really depressed i want to sing out loud and punch things but i think too much about the consequences so i'm here and watching tv and boiling inside