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  #1  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:16 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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I'm not ok. It's just too much.
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  #2  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:19 PM
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What's going on?
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  #3  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:20 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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What's going on?
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg
Propranolol 40 mg
Benztropine 1 mg
Vraylar 4.5 mg
Risperdal .5 mg
Gabapentin 300 mg
Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily
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  #4  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:24 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Please talk, or go get help.
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  #5  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:24 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vertigo View Post
What's going on?
I'm trying so hard to get better and be better and I feel useless, unwanted, a burden and a failure. I got a card in the mail today from one of my friends and it was about how I could be running my illness so much better. I feel defeated and like a total loser. I just don't and can't fight this anymore. There are other things going on but that just did it. I'm tired of having SI as my constant companion. I'm just over this.
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  #6  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:30 PM
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I am sorry jennifer.
You are a smart and wonderful woman. Please don't forget you are worthy of this struggle.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi
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lamictal 2x a day
haldol 2x a day
cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
fish oil coq10
multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine
Remeron at night,
zyprexa,
requip2-4mg





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  #7  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:33 PM
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Daonnachd Daonnachd is offline
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That friend, though trying to be helpful, obviously doesn't understand the illness. Don't give it any weight.

Sometimes I feel like you do and I just sort of dig in with the intention that nothing is going to move me in any direction. I may not be doing anything to help myself get better, but I'm riding out the storm as best I can by myself with the tiny shred of hope that eventually things will ease. If you haven't tried the "isolate and endure" approach, imagine yourself seated with a quiet bald man doing his best to shelter you from all the pressure you feel. ((Jennifer))
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  #8  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:36 PM
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Daonnachd Daonnachd is offline
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I want to add, you are not a loser.

BPHope recently ran an article which focused on the fact that we live with this, making all of us heroes. I concur. You are a hero because you endure.

FOUND IT: http://www.bphope.com/blog/you-are-a-hero/
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  #9  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:48 PM
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Cocosurviving Cocosurviving is offline
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My oldest daughter has SI thoughts really often. I've learned to be by her side. She can't help it just like you can't. All of us would love to be able to control our minds. We don't know why our brains are wired the way they are. But we can keep trying to hold on one day at a time. Hang in there trouble don't last always.
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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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  #10  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:50 PM
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Cocosurviving Cocosurviving is offline
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I'm not ok
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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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  #11  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:55 PM
Anonymous41403
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Trigger warning----

I was just recently very suicidal. I would have done it but didn't for my son. Please, you have a daughter. Hang on for her. Big hugs!
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  #12  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:56 PM
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Jensitive22 Jensitive22 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I'm trying so hard to get better and be better and I feel useless, unwanted, a burden and a failure. I got a card in the mail today from one of my friends and it was about how I could be running my illness so much better. I feel defeated and like a total loser. I just don't and can't fight this anymore. There are other things going on but that just did it. I'm tired of having SI as my constant companion. I'm just over this.
Jennifer, suicidal ideation has become a default setting in my brain, a coping mechanism when I feel overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and self blame. It is a huge burden we struggle to carry each day, and for people who can't relate with this, it becomes something to judge. Please, please, please remember that carrying this burden makes us more empathetic and compassionate towards others. The world NEEDS people like us, like you.
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  #13  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 07:57 PM
hopeless2015 hopeless2015 is offline
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Sending big hugs! We are all here for you!!
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  #14  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 08:19 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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You are worth it. Keep up the fight against Bipolar , They only thing that is consitant about this bytch is it is going to " cycle" it always does.

Hugs !
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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  #15  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 08:24 PM
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Guiness187055 Guiness187055 is offline
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Hang in there Jennifer. You are not a loser. You have one of the biggest hearts on these boards. Always there to listen or just saying some kind words. You have been a lot of help to a lot of people.
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  #16  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 08:37 PM
Anonymous59125
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I'm so sorry Jennifer.....that letter sounds painful.....it's painful and isolating to be so misunderstood (((hugs)))
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  #17  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 08:55 PM
liveforsummer liveforsummer is offline
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Jennifer
Be safe! I always look forward to reading your caring words!
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  #18  
Old Aug 31, 2017, 09:09 PM
*Laurie* *Laurie* is offline
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It sounds like your friend might misunderstand mental illness, as so many people do. Take care of yourself in the ways you know work healthiest and best. You are SO worth it.
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  #19  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 04:29 AM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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I'm so sorry you've encountered this conflict with your friend.
As Laurie has pointed out, so many people do not understand.

From my viewpoint, you have handled profound depression very well. You don't need any comments suggesting otherwise.

Lots of great responses above. You are clearly appreciated here.
You have my utmost respect for how well you handle severe depression.


WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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  #20  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 08:42 AM
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emgreen emgreen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guiness187055 View Post
You are not a loser. You have one of the biggest hearts on these boards. Always there to listen or just saying some kind words. You have been a lot of help to a lot of people.
What Guiness wrote. As I was reading through this thread I was thinking the exact same thing. I hope you can be as kind to yourself during this rough time as you are to others. I won't write, "Hang in there," because it bugs the heck out of me when others write that & I'm in a bad space!
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  #21  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 01:12 PM
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Thank you for your support. I really appreciate you. I've lost my confidence for the time being of having anything valuable to contribute so I'm going to stick to hugs for awhile.

If you are having a hard time, post #8 of this thread has a link to an article "you are a hero" that is really helpful; especially the last sentence.

Sending big hugs.
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  #22  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 01:20 PM
liveforsummer liveforsummer is offline
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Sending big hugs your way
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  #23  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 01:23 PM
Buzzy Z Buzzy Z is offline
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Hi Jennifer-Whatever is going on I hope you get through it quickly.
__________________
" If it wasn't for people with a mental illness,there would be no actors,artists,or musicians" Robin Williams


Bipolar
Depression
Anxiety


Lamotrigne 100mg2x
Carbamzepine 200mg 2x
Mirtazapine 45mg at bed
Klonopin1/2 mg daily
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  #24  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 01:25 PM
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(((((( Jennifer ))))))

More hugs coming your way.
May you feel surrounded by Love.


WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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  #25  
Old Sep 01, 2017, 01:30 PM
Buzzy Z Buzzy Z is offline
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Jennifer-you did me the world of good with your kind words & good advice.Please don't give up.You remind me of a fighter.We all have to press on & be somewhat of a fighter with our problems.
__________________
" If it wasn't for people with a mental illness,there would be no actors,artists,or musicians" Robin Williams


Bipolar
Depression
Anxiety


Lamotrigne 100mg2x
Carbamzepine 200mg 2x
Mirtazapine 45mg at bed
Klonopin1/2 mg daily
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