[bpfighter250]

Hey all,

I graduated from medical school in May and have started residency. My field is not one that is traditionally malignant but I'm finding it difficult because I'm away from my family, who I've been close to for the past four years. I talk to my mom every day on Facetime, but it's not the same. I feel unhappy but am unable to clearly articulate the reason why. I don't feel competent, and I feel like an imposter calling myself a doctor. Every day I come home telling myself I will be productive and clean/study, but every day I find myself being too drained or distracted to get anything done. I feel like others around me are smarter or better residents than I am. I think this is common to first year residents but I am weary of whether I will ever be confident as a resident. I feel like it will take a lot of time for me to feel comfortable.

Thanks,
bpfighter250

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry you feel like this. Hopefully you adjust soon.

[SorryShaped]

What you're feeling is typical. I know it sucks, but everyone goes through this. I'm not sure how most people do it but I covered mine up with substances and kept clear of all my family for years. It does sound like you have a much less toxic relationship with your family than I ever have too.
There's a lot here that's great, Doctor

I'm going through something similar. I'm a new c-level executive, but I'm having difficulty adjusting to the responsibilities, and I'm not used to doing this type of work. I'm having problems with imposter syndrome. I'm disoriented without my spouse who passed away, and the loss of my lower-level job and co-workers I lost when I was laid off after many years. I also cycled into hypomania, and now I'm struggling with the low that follows, plus anxiety. Trying to be productive and consist is tough, and I know I appear to be extremely different to everyone from quarter to the next.

I'm struggling with whether I can really do this long term. I just started lithium yesterday. Perhaps this addition to quetiapine and gabapentin will make a difference.

In the meantime, I keep telling myself to put off drawing conclusions about my job performance.

Something will change, and it will get better. Give it time; don't draw conclusions. See how you feel in a month, a quarter, a year.

I've been going through something similar, and cycling through highs and lows plus anxiety makes it so much harder to deal with a case of imposter syndrome.

[Sunflower123]

Congratulations. I agree that what you are feeling is probably normal. You are going through a transition. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Have you considered Skype with your mom? One of my doctors said it's more personal and there's a better connection (my daughter just went to college and I miss her). Before you know it you will be through residency. Sending big hugs.

[BipolaRNurse]

Congratulations on your medical degree, Dr. bpfighter! For what it's worth, I think ALL healthcare providers, including nurses, struggle badly through the first year after graduation. I remember hating nursing at first, and wondering why the hell I'd gone through all that schooling when I was crying before and after every shift. But it got better with time, and your career will too. I have faith in you.

[WildcatVet]

Ah, yes! The resident blues...uncertain, incompetent, scared... I think we all go through this trying time, but it does get better day by day. Keep fighting...you'll find your confidence!

[bioChE]

Congrats on making it through med school. If you can do that, you can do residency. I too always feel everyone else is doing more than me, but that's simply not the case. I'm sure many of your colleagues have unkempt apartments and such. Keep picking away at it, and soon this will all be a memory and you'll be practicing and making the big $.

Again, congrats on your achievements.

[emgreen]

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm sure you're doing just fine, & comparing yourself to other residents is just fueling the flames of your anxiety. For what it's worth, I had a residency in the profession I chose & felt the exact same way...so I shouldn't be giving you advice, right? Well, I'm offering you my best wishes & full confidence! Take care.

I answered earlier, but my posts just appeared because I am new.

How are you doing now?

[bpfighter250]

Thank you everyone! It means a lot that you took the time to write your kind and supportive responses. I have moved on to another rotation and I think this one will help my confidence more as it's within my own field (Psychiatry). Even second year residents seem a lot more confident working in the ER, where I am this month, so I'm excited to see how much I'll grow over the course of the month. I am riding a train of mental health stability recently so hoping that continues. Feeling much more motivated, like I did back in medical school, but my motivation is more practical and directed (back in med school I wanted to learn EVERYTHING, but that is simply impossible). There are a lot of unknowns in medicine, and especially so in Psychiatry, so we gain comfort in the unknowns since they are all around us, compared to other fields where they have lab tests and other studies to help them figure things out. I had my first day in the ER yesterday, and I felt I did a better job with presenting to my attending the case that I had seen. It is a tremendous learning process, and I know I should do my best to enjoy the ride!

[Slightlydelusional]

Glad your feeling better, and thanks for working so hard to help other people.

Congrats on your success and for sure enjoy the ride!

[~Christina]

Good for you , what a fantastic accomplishment!

Just try to use coping skills and although it will be difficult try and get plenty of sleep.