[LoveMyHubs]

Hello everyone,
I hope you'll stay with me through this long story. I really need advice and I think giving all of the details will help you understand the situation.

A couple of months ago my husband started acting different. He was very quick to anger, seemed to fly off the handle at the littlest things. And a lot of the time that anger stuck with him all day long. For instance, if our daughter forgot her glasses at school, he would scream and yell, make her feel really bad about it, and then be angry the rest of the night. But he wasn't just angry at her, the entire family felt the brunt of his anger.

Then he started having emotional ups and downs. He would be really sad one day...he'd spend the entire day isolated from me and our 3 kids. Then the next couple of days he'd be a little sad, but at least he'd interact with us. During his sad period, he'd cry but not really know why he was sad. In theory, there is nothing to be sad about...he has a great job, we live in a beautiful home, our children are happy and healthy. Yet he could not come out of his "funk". He seemed to be very sensitive. It was like walking on eggshells...if I said something to set him off he'd either get angry or he'd take it personal and get emotional and cry.

And then he seemed to be better for several days. We would go out and do things we enjoyed together, he'd do things with the kids....

All through this time his appetite was diminished. I had to force him to eat a few times because he hadn't eaten in over 24 hours - a few times he went 2 days. He also wasn't sleeping well. He said he had a hard time turning his brain off. I should also mention he's an alcoholic. Both of his parents were alcoholics and he drinks to excess very often. It only got worse when he started having his ups and downs. He was drinking during his up periods and drinking more during his down periods. He called alcohol his "medicine".

This cycled back and forth like this for since Father's Day 2017. When he was low, he'd talk about ending his life. He even took out his shotgun and loaded it in front of me in our living room and said he was going to shoot himself. I managed to talk him down. There was another night I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought he was so low that he'd harm himself. After the shotgun incident, I told him he had to get help if he wanted to be with me and in this family. I told him how his actions and moods were affecting everyone. He cried so hard and held on to me and admitted that he needed help.

I went to the psychiatrist with him. We talked to her for about 2 hours and she diagnosed him with depression. She told him his alcohol consumption was a major contributing factor to his depression too. She prescribed him zoloft, topimirate (to try and slow down his drinking) and trazodone for sleep.

He accepted this diagnosis and started taking the pills. Within a couple of days, he said he was nauseous all of the time and he had heartburn. I guess these are side effects of the drugs. On about day 8 of taking the pills, I noticed he was very exuberant. At first I thought....it's working! But then I realized this is not him either. He literally could not calm down. He couldn't sit, couldn't stop tapping something...foot or hand...and talked a million miles a minute. About stupid stuff too...like the underwear he was wearing.

We got in an argument that night about him being inappropriate with another woman on social media. The night ended with us in our separate corners. The next morning, he ended our 13 year marriage. At first he said I wasn't enough for him. He likes getting attention on social media and he likes when people laugh at his jokes. And I just wasn't doing that enough. He said he likes his ego stroked. Just a few weeks before, he told his closest friend how much he loved me and would do anything for me. We have problems like anyone else, but recently they had been worse due to his low periods. He was telling me every once in a while that he could sense that I didn't like him. This is so far from the truth and I told him so.

And then he took off. Went to bar to meet his friend, then picked up the kids to take them to his friends house, then back home to drop them off and gone for the entire night.

The next day was the same thing...woke up, didn't want to talk to me or the kids, but did tell me he couldn't sit still and was leaving. I asked him where...he said "everywhere and nowhere". He told me he was hearing knocking in his head and it was driving him crazy. Then he took off and wouldn't respond to texts or calls from me or his friends. The friend he was out with the day before is a paramedic and told me my husband seemed manic. After I looked it up, the symptoms seemed to fit.

In the midst of all of this he told me he stopped taking his meds a couple of days before. He didn't like how they made him feel sick.

I called his doctor and told her all of this. She told me to call 911 and have him picked up for a psych evaluation. So I did...they picked him up going into a bar in our town. He went voluntarily to the hospital. Then they released him without talking to me. Afterwards the nurse told me he denied all of his symptoms and said he was just fine. Again after release, he walked miles back to his car and went to a bar until 1 in the morning.

That was yesterday. Today he is very angry I called 911 and said I am being vindictive. Now he tells me he wants a divorce because he's a "**** show" and doesn't want to bring anyone else down with him. The couple of times I've talked to him on the phone today he goes from being very angry at me to crying and sad that we are getting divorced.

He is downright refusing any treatment and says he will not see another doctor or take another pill.

What am I supposed to do now? I have never been at this much of a loss in my life. I want so badly to help him and I love him so much. Any advice you can give will be helpful. Thanks for reading this.

Sincerely,
A very loving and scared wife.

[CANDC]

Hi LoveMyHubs. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry to hear how difficult your husband is being.

Maybe some of these will be of interest to you.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...survival-tips/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/bipolar...manic-episode/

Feel free to send me a private message if you wish. I have dealt with partner with some of these symptoms as a peer.

[Daonnachd]

Welcome to PsychCentral.

Were I in your position I think I would reassure him that you want to stay with him, but that you want to see the psychiatrist again with the idea of getting a new prescription in search of a medicine which doesn't cause the nausea.

I wish you the best going forward.

[winter loneliness]

I don't know if you can get someone to accept help if they don't want it. This is common with addicts.

His moods are messed up because alcohol is a drug. Not a psych medication. So it can not be used reliably to treat depression. Tell him you love him a will stick with him while he receives help.

[Shazerac]

Welcome to psych central

[99fairies]

When I went totally manic I asked my husband for a divorce. He refused and told me that I was not myself and needed help. He forced me into the car and drove me straight to the pdoc. I was diagnosed and was sent ip for 6 weeks. If it wasn't for my loving and attentive husband I would still be sick or possibly dead. Don't give up... Hugs.

I controlled my mother with access to my daughter only if she was taking her meds properly and as prescribed. That worked for about five years anyway.

[Row Jimmy]

IMO he may have been misdiagnosed. One visit to the p-doc isn't enough. Based on his mood swings, he may be bipolar. That's a different medication - lithium or Depakote. These tend to temper moods and are well tolerated without any goofy side effects like jabbering on and on as you described. Also his behavior on line and his quick judgement to leave for "anywhere and nowhere" is also a hallmark of BP (risky decision making, the need to flee).

If he's willing to do so, perhaps it would be a good idea to go back to the p-doc for some mid term monitoring. No one has anything to lose. In my case, I was exhibiting the same behavior (alcohol, yelling, etc) and my family literally *forced* me to see a psychiatrist. I probably would have lost my marriage if I didn't get some help. Originally, my p-doc prescribed a thin dose of lorazepam to chill me out but we can't take that long term. I think I may have seen him six or seven times before he finally came to a conclusion of bipolar based on what I told him about my moods, my behavior, and how it all affected my family. He knew something was up, he just wasn't willing to jump at it on Day 1.

Personally, I think the Zoloft call was way too quick. It sounds like all it did was agitate him more.

all of us are with you through this.

I hope you can help him..

[LoveMyHubs]

Thank you for your replies everyone. I am so stressed out about this...I honestly don't think I've been so stressed in all my life.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It sounds like getting him back to the pdoc would be a really good idea if you can do it. I wish you the best in your attempts to help him. Sending big hugs.