[Curiosity77]

Hi,

I used to be an active member here, but I've been away from it a couple years. Things are kind of destabilizing, and I'm struggling. Anyways I think I may have been manic. I have bipolar II, so it shouldn't get past hypomania because I can still function.

Anyways, I'm a nurse and I work on the front lines doing harm reduction for the OD crisis and some other things. It's been really awful. I work with youth and we keep loosing them to this, or having near fatal ODs all the time. A few weeks ago there were 3 deaths in one week, and everyone was feeling traumatized. Staff walking around the clinic crying it is bad.

My mood had been low, which is a normal reaction 2 this situation, but in the past couple weeks it's been high, like doesn't match what's going on. I feel like maybe all the stress has given me a manic reaction. The hypomania started about 5 weeks ago, with dips into anxiety and depression

So this what's been happening, please tell me whether you think it's mania or hypomania, because I need to decide what to do about it. Although the fact that I'm questioning it means it may be starting to end anyway.

here's what's up:

Mood - Mixed, anxiety

Work - working full time, completely an online diploma which was 17 hours long in two weeks; applied to a fellowship program, and started 2 committees. Starting sevreral large projects and speaking up more in meetings.

Activities - new activities volunteer job once a week (since August), increase yoga from flow 2-3 times a week, to power yoga in 32 degree celcius heat 4-5 times per week

Hypersexual - went from infrequent sex with one partner, to sex with 4 partners in 2 weeks - they all know about it and we are kind of a group. This is new to me, but it's good. What scares me is in the past 2 weeks I've been compulsively checking dating apps, and sexting with a multiple strangers. Tonight I almost let a total stranger come over. He was pressuring me a lot, and normally I would have ended the texts, but I carried it along for a few days and sent him naked photos. He was pressuring me a lot, and when \i decided not to meet up because he was freaking me out he responded as unhinged, swearing at me and stuff. I've only ever texted him, for the last 3 days. We never met up, but I gave mixed messages and almost went through with it. Now I am thinking more clearly, and I think he could have done something violent to me, based on his reaction, and I nearly did it anyway, despite having had lots of sex this week already. Plus I just want to masturbate all the time. So this symptom had been fun and scary.

Drus - cannabis a lot more than usual (legal here), and dabbling with some thing else low risk at low dose

Trauma - recurrent images of frightening images, nightmare, anxiety, and hypervigilence. Plus little things make me cry, it's just under the surface.

Disinhibtions - telling a bunch of co-workers about a sexual situations with 2 men the night before (I'm female). I have a couple work friends it's ok to tell, but I can't even remember who I told

It sounds like a lot, but it seems pretty exciting, and if anything I'm functioning better in some areas. My understanding is part of how the severity is decided is ability to function. But there are some potentially negative effects of this,

Sleep - reduced, but still have energy

Sorry for the long message, I just want to figure out if I'm changing into type I so I can figure out the implications of that.

What do folks think?

Thanks, it's nice to be back.

[FallDuskTrain]

As far as I know, the members are not allowed to provide any diagnosis

[wildflowerchild25]

That does sound more like mania than hypomania. I’m not a doctor though. But especially as it’s affecting your behavior like that, it seems like it’s creeping into full blown manic territory. Do you have a pdoc? You should probably run it by him/her as well/

[Curiosity77]

Thanks. I know these aren't diagnoses, but I just want opinions. I had some severe episodes a long time ago, but was always told it was mixed-state hypomania when it's severe. I was hospitalized once for this about 6 years ago. But what's happening now feels different. The main reason I'm scared is how close I was to inviting that guy over, which would have been really dangerous.

I emailed my pdoc last weekend because I was really sad and anxious, and I was getting the images, related to the deaths at work. It was so vivid. I didn't really tell her the details because it's just an email. I just wanted her to know a bit of what's happening. She was supportive, but didn't want to do anything different. I missed an appointment with T the other day, which I have never done, because I had no sleep and an active night and then worked all day, so I forgot.

I don't see T until Nov 16, and pdoc until January. I'm also not keen on making med changes, because the ones I"m on have been great for the past couple years.

I don't know, maybe figuring out the difference isn't important

[Curiosity77]

Also, hey Wildflower Child - do you remember me from a couple years ago? Nice to see you!

[wildflowerchild25]

I do! I was excited to see your name lol. Glad to have you back.

[Curiosity77]

Thanks It was nice to see a familiar person.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm glad to see you here, too! I was thinking of you just the other day and wondering how you were doing. Welcome back!

[Moreta]

It sounds like mania. But definitely check in with your pdoc and see if you can get a sooner appt. Don't wait till it gets to scary mania (rage). Good to see you back.

[Curiosity77]

Thanks everyone. I feel like I'm coming out of it, and now it's mainly anxiety over emails I sent and things I said to coworkers. I didn't do anything to problematic this time around. I just hope I don't crash now. I could ask process for an earlier appointment, but I don't know that she can help really, since my major trigger for this cycling is stress at work, which she can't do anything about. I talked to my manager to let her know what was happening, and she said I can take time off if I need to. So if it gets bad I'll see my pdoc and get a note for that. But I feel like I can't take time off right now, because too many people are counting on me, and I need to stay strong to help support the rest of the team.

I called an optional meeting this morning to have check-ins, and the group came up with some peer support ideas for each other. The Opioid crisis is just ripping our community apart, I've never experienced anything like this. I don't think anyone has unless they were old enough in the 80s to have worked during the HIV/AIDS crisis. So no one really knows how to react.

I'm really glad I didn't decide to do anything dangerous over the last couple weeks, and definitely feeling less pressured now.

I was stable for a long time, but started cycling in the summer, and it's been pretty rapid since then.

Thanks all

[1978dd]

Sounds manic, don’t you think?

I’ve been both. When manic, I can’t concentrate, except to write out all the crazy ideas. When hypomanic I can and will crank out a lot of work—good work product.

When manic, I think Oprah Winfrey would like to interview me. When hypomanic, I think management will be impressed by my thoughts (but I end up annoying them or worse)

I think only you or your doc can decide when you come down.

[franz kafka]

I would run it by your doctor. Just from personal experience though, the fact that you're able to write coherent posts here suggests hypomania more than mania. Looking back on posts I've made while manic, I sound super crazy and don't make a whole lot of sense. You have a lot of insight, which for me at least is absent when manic.

A very helpful part of your post is that you've written all of your recent experiences down. Print it out and bring it with you to your psychiatrist and therapist appointment. They know you (if you've been seeing them a while) and are best to diagnose.

What I can say from taking Abnormal Psychology is that it often confuses people to see the same list of symptoms for hypomania as for mania. They always say that it is "a matter of severity" or whether the mania necessitates hospitalization or not. From my knowledge, hypomania has various levels before it officially is considered full blown mania, and hypomania itself can get pretty bad at some points. Your doctor and therapist should have a sense for what crosses the line.

I don't know if psychiatrists have a slightly different line for some people vs. others. After all, there are some people without bipolar disorder that do some pretty crazy things. Plus, it is my belief that full blown manias do not look the same across the board. I've watched videos patients have made of themselves when hospitalized for mania w/psychotic features and thought they seemed pretty tame and just saying some somewhat strange things. Others can barely even make sense and may be dragged to isolation rooms and even strapped down because of agitation/violence. It's so hard to really tell.

[Curiosity77]

Whether it was hypo or full I"m coming out of it now. I already was yesterday, or I wouldn't have posted worrying about it last night. It's amazing to me that my brain can just amp up like that out of nowhere. I felt like I was on stimulants, but I wasn't. Analyzing the whole thing bit by bit last night was good, and thanks for the suggestion to bring to pdoc. It's hard because I've been stable for a long time, and I don't want to disappoint her or loose the freedom I have now around the meds I prefer, stuff like that. I feel like she'll expect me to know better by now, but I guess I do, in the sense that I didn't do anything serious to wreck my life this time around, so that's something. I think it was just hypomania, but a pretty intense hypomania. It's weird how I feel almost like a different person in those states. Thanks for input folks

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Whether it was hypo or full I"m coming out of it now. I already was yesterday, or I wouldn't have posted worrying about it last night. It's amazing to me that my brain can just amp up like that out of nowhere. I felt like I was on stimulants, but I wasn't. Analyzing the whole thing bit by bit last night was good, and thanks for the suggestion to bring to pdoc. It's hard because I've been stable for a long time, and I don't want to disappoint her or loose the freedom I have now around the meds I prefer, stuff like that. I feel like she'll expect me to know better by now, but I guess I do, in the sense that I didn't do anything serious to wreck my life this time around, so that's something. I think it was just hypomania, but a pretty intense hypomania. It's weird how I feel almost like a different person in those states. Thanks for input folks

Yes definitely bring it to the attention of your pdoc. Do you keep a mood diary that you can show him/her? You won't disappoint your pdoc. Your input will still be respected. Don't be afraid to take days off work to deal with an episode. You may recover quicker and you won't lose your professional integrity.
Take it from me, people don't react favourably to a health professional who's manic. (I had a phone call from HR the day after I went manic.) Turned out I had prattled cheerfully and incoherently to a CEO who rang HR concerned that 'Pookyl' did not sound ok and could HR please check on 'Pookyl'

[~Christina]

Hi there good to see you although just a hey how you all been would have been better for you lol

But that said.. I would say Manic .

(((hugs))))

[Innerzone]

Good to see you again, Curiousity!

(Sorry to not have any awesomely illuminating insight (, haha), but I am quite frazzled atm. But I definitely wanted to say hi!)