[scatterbrained04]

For about the last 3 weeks, my moods have been all over the place on a daily basis. Mostly going from normal to depressed very quickly. Maybe kind of hypo for short periods too. This is not typical for me, but has happened at least one other time in my life. I also have a general sense of being mentally unwell. My sleep has been off (waking early) but I am still getting a reasonable amount. I'm not sure I am explaining myself well...

Like today, I woke up in a pretty decent mood. I felt pretty good. Then I took a shower. By the time I was done, I was so depressed I thought I was the most worthless person alive. I had sound sensitivity, which made me anxious. I wanted to hurt myself. I was, indeed, convinced it was best for everyone if I died. I couldn't get out of bed.

Right now I am doing better than earlier but still on the depressed side. Tomorrow morning, I'll probably be back to normal.

What the hell is this? Do you guys deal with this too?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

For about the last 3 weeks, my moods have been all over the place on a daily basis. Mostly going from normal to depressed very quickly. Maybe kind of hypo for short periods too. This is not typical for me, but has happened at least one other time in my life. I also have a general sense of being mentally unwell. My sleep has been off (waking early) but I am still getting a reasonable amount. I'm not sure I am explaining myself well...

Like today, I woke up in a pretty decent mood. I felt pretty good. Then I took a shower. By the time I was done, I was so depressed I thought I was the most worthless person alive. I had sound sensitivity, which made me anxious. I wanted to hurt myself. I was, indeed, convinced it was best for everyone if I died. I couldn't get out of bed.

Right now I am doing better than earlier but still on the depressed side. Tomorrow morning, I'll probably be back to normal.

What the hell is this? Do you guys deal with this too?

You're kind of describing what usually happens to me this time of year. It can be very difficult. I don't have a valid solution, but hope you find relief. The only thing that helps me is to exercise, which is a new thing to me still, so I'm not sure how it will go as the weather goes along.

[SparkySmart]

I believe I've had similar episodes, and you describe it perfectly. During a recent hospitalization I seemed to vacillate between elation and devastation several times a day. My turmoil wasn't apparent to an observer, but I was terrified and confused. My pdoc speculated that this was "ultra-ultra rapid cycling," but I thought it might be just mixed? My meds were adjusted, and things evened out pretty quickly; I believe that Geodon made the biggest difference. Honestly, I feel pretty doggone good! I hope you feel better soon.

[scatterbrained04]

The crappy part is that I can't call my pdoc because I don't have the money to pay him right now (doesn't take insurance).

So if anyone has found anything other than meds that helps let me know. I want off this ride!!

Getting pretty worried about the upcoming time change. My sleep is so messed up I've been waking at 3:30am as it is.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

The crappy part is that I can't call my pdoc because I don't have the money to pay him right now (doesn't take insurance).

So if anyone has found anything other than meds that helps let me know. I want off this ride!!

Getting pretty worried about the upcoming time change. My sleep is so messed up I've been waking at 3:30am as it is.

These are all things that help me, in no particular order.
Have you tried kava tea? You can buy it in a lot of grocery stores under the "Yogi" brand. I use bulk coarse ground myself and either make an ava or just toss it back with water. It's very calming. I haven't tried the tea from the store. I will caution that you don't want to drive on it until you know if it's safe to, and IT CAN INTERACT WITH CERTAIN MEDICATIONS, but I've never had an issue.
Green tea with jasmine? I avoid caffeine when my moods are unstable and green tea has a minor amount of the stuff. I do a whole "ritual." I like to hold the mug and breathe in the steam as it steeps and try to hold it until I've fully consumed it. I also do not sweeten any kind of tea because I find most times that sugar ruins the steam.
Yoga?
Meditation?
Vigorous exercise?
Coloring? This sounds stupid until you do it. I started coloring in hospital and sometimes still do. There's science behind it too.
If you have a healthy relationship, intimacy but not necessarily sex?

[Wild Coyote]

I hope you are much more comfortable soon!
Thinking of you.

WC

[emgreen]

I'm sorry you're experiencing that kind of nastiness. This time of year is always hard on my moods. While I don't cycle as rapidly as you do, I know that November opens the door to a whole lot of ups & downs...Mostly downs in my case. Anyways, I hope things straighten out for you.

I know you said cash is a big issue for you, but I believe my light box helps stabilize my moods during this time of year. They range in price... starting at about $30. Here's Amazon's selection:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_s...=1KCACHO2XRICT

[CaminoDeOro]

I've started ultrarapid cycling with highly unstable mood and definite ultradian cycling now and then. It's related to medication experiments I am doing with my pdoc. And most observers would not notice anything, no, because I am so effective at hiding it.

I track my mood pretty religiously and would call what I am experiencing, which is similar to what you've described, ultradian cycling rather than a mixed state, at least for me personally. I can crash in well under an hour, sometimes recover, crash again, etc. It does not feel the same as a mixed state and I've been in a few of those in the last year. For me a mixed state is pretty sustained symptoms of hypomania combined with intense rumination, anger, etc. Can very rapidly turn to euphoric hypomania which will fade over hours to maybe a day or two. What I am going through now does have a lot of similarities to that but it feels quite a bit different. I am far more withdrawn and the euphoric/enraged moods tend to fade a lot quicker than in a mixed state.

One thing that is DEFINITELY true is that my behavior can drastically improve my mood even if I crash right after. So, going out for a walk. Or to do something that distracts me. I even had to babysit the kids here and although they are typically a huge factor keeping me hiding in my room, they were being pretty good, I was badly depressed before, mood recovered quite a bit during, and then I crashed right back. Made for quite the spike in my mood graph. But the point is, while I was doing something other than hiding, it helped.

For me it is so hard to stop hiding though. It's gotten really bad over the past few months and it wasn't great before. So it's hard to do the behavioral activation and make myself feel better.

I also know that zyprexa would likely vastly reduce this. There may be an antipsychotic that will work for you. This ultrarapid/ultradian cycling I'm having right now is because I switched antipsychotics and the new one works differently, but I have to go through it long enough to find out whether the new one helps the depressive phase (it does, a lot, when I crash I recover SO much faster) before we decide how to control the cycling.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'm sorry you're experiencing that kind of nastiness. This time of year is always hard on my moods. While I don't cycle as rapidly as you do, I know that November opens the door to a whole lot of ups & downs...Mostly downs in my case. Anyways, I hope things straighten out for you.

I know you said cash is a big issue for you, but I believe my light box helps stabilize my moods during this time of year. They range in price... starting at about $30. Here's Amazon's selection:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_s...=1KCACHO2XRICT

My pdoc has been after me to buy one of these for a long time. He had one he recommends for about $70 off Amazon. I don't think I'll have the money for one until after the first of the year, but I think I'm definitely going to get one then. I notice even rainy days really effect my mood a lot.

[scatterbrained04]

I think my first plan of attack is going to be to try to fix my sleep. Somehow some way I have got to stay up until 9pm tonight.

The waking up early keeps having me crashing early, and then I wake up even earlier the next day. If I don't fix it before the time changes this weekend, I'll be in trouble.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I think my first plan of attack is going to be to try to fix my sleep. Somehow some way I have got to stay up until 9pm tonight.

The waking up early keeps having me crashing early, and then I wake up even earlier the next day. If I don't fix it before the time changes this weekend, I'll be in trouble.

You can do this. I'm having mood swings a bit today too, but it's mostly situational but certainly partly seasonal weather. This is the first place I've told anyone and I think I'm keeping the rough bits to myself fairly well.

[CaminoDeOro]

For me the change of light doesn't affect mood (I love the gloomy winters here! #aesthetic) but oh man it does affect energy.

There is not much special about the depression / circadian control lights. Previously I had a 5-headed "squid lamp" from Target and stuck 5 bright "daylight" LED bulbs in it and put it behind my desk pointed at my face at the office. Regular lights work fine but they have to be BRIGHT and "daylight" color.

I use the lights for circadian control so for me they're on 7am to 5pm. Aside from my desk, they also come on by my bed on a timer whether I'm up or not. Between the lights and 0.2mg melatonin microdose at 11pm each night, my sleep has never been so well controlled. It really helps.

I'm a lighting nerd so if anybody wants recommendations on what to get, just ask. Remember, it needs to be BRIGHT.