[HALLIEBETH87]

I am working a weekend prison ministry in a local women's prison. I have done this a couple times before so it's nothing unexpected for me.

But there is a woman at my table on the team who I'm working with Who is kind of messing with my mind. You guys probably remember that when I'm psychotic I think that Satan is attacking me and stuff like that. This woman openly believes that we are at spiritual warfare and that can cause mental illness and such and that prayer can make it go away. Hearing her talk about stuff like that kind of meddles my mind a little bit and makes me think it too and I'm trying to combat that by telling myself that's not true and I am safe but it's getting hard and I'm a little scared.

Isn't that weird?

[Daonnachd]

I completely understand. My mother-in-law hit me with the same thing when she came to visit me in the hospital the first time.

Ask her if prayer can make a broken leg go away, or some other illness or affliction. Bipolar has a biological basis. I believe in God, but I cannot believe that prayer alone will do anything for mental illness.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I didn't go to prison ministry today. I lied and said I was sick because I'm afraid of this stuff invading my mind

[pegasus]

Sounds like this woman is very triggering. Is there any way to make sure you don't mix with this lady?

[HALLIEBETH87]

Yeah now that this weekend is over I won't be around her really.

I didn't wanna risk her thoughts becoming obsessive with me again

[HALLIEBETH87]

I'm
Still having the thoughts bit I'm ok so I'm not gonna go see my t or pdoc earlier than I have it scheduled

[99fairies]

I could have written what you did. Except I'm getting all this by extended family. They are all very religious. If I'm having an episode my mom thinks it is from satan and that we needed to go to every room in our house praying and telling the devil to leave. And if she lived with us we would have Christian music playing to make satan leave.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I made the mistake of emailing my t about it and he told me I need to make an effective choice by either seeing him or my pdoc sooner.

I'd rather just tell myself it's not real and deal with it. I was fine last when I saw both of them last week. I don't want anything to be wrong.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I keep thinking I have demons inside me.i keep saying it's not real and I am safe so why am I having these thoughts?

[Sanctum]

This sounds so like me right now. I finally came out and told a lady from church that I'm experiencing psychosis, last Friday. She said she'd take the weekend to think and pray about it.

Well today she told me that the devil has strongholds in my life and that I'm being a hypocrite because I act like a Christian and don't feel any joy inside. She said that God can heal this and because He hasn't proves I don't want to be healed. She's tried to help me for a whole year, and I fight it all the way.

I can't stop crying right now.

[~Christina]

Circular thinking.

Physically write down facts on paper that will help prove it’s just not real.

You have been doing really well , fight kick and claw through this unreal stuff

[HALLIEBETH87]

I refuse to fall back into this.

[HALLIEBETH87]

But, I am
Worried.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Why Am
I feeling this way when I'm NOT manic or
Depressed? Still fighting.

[~Christina]

Maybe Schiz effect ?

[HALLIEBETH87]

Matt told me recently that some people "like you" are sometimes diagnosed schizoaffextive but idk what he meant by that