[taybaby]

Hi, I recently left a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 with psychotic features. I am a 24 year old female who just graduated college last May. I entered a major depressive episode about a month ago that ended up with me in the hospital. This is what I believe to be the third major depressive episode of my life where I have not been able to work or function in society.

Since leaving the hospital I have been taking my medicine (Lamictal, Lexapro, Klonopin) religiously, making myself get outside and walk everyday, and trying to learn all I can online about bipolar 2. However, I seem to find that most of what I find online primarily addresses bipolar 1, so I would REALLY appreciate it if you would take some of your time to answer my questions if you have bipolar 2.

1.) Since being medicated how much does having bipolar 2 interfere with your normal life? Are you able to maintain a job, relationship, etc.

2.) Do you every worry that you will escalate from hypomania to full blown mania? I find myself worrying about that a lot when I am hypo, and I'm not sure if that's even a possibility?

3.) Do you ever experience psychosis and if so could you explain what it feels like for you personally?

4.) How often since being medicated do you experience major depressive or hypomanic episodes?

5.) What is your reason for fighting everyday? What keeps you from giving up?


Thank you for taking the time to read this, I am feeling pretty worthless right now, and any advice or words of encouragement would mean the world to me.

Welcome to the forums, taybaby!
You're not worthless. That sounds like the lie that lying beastie depression tells. Don't believe it.

I wanted to respond to that part right away, though I'm not in a great spot for attempting to answer the whole question (I'm on a bus, and it's a bumpy ride, lol -- much backspacing to fix spelling(!)) Hopefully others will pop in in the meanwhile to give some answers from their experiences.

(Also, my dx got changed to BP 1 from 2, and I'm not sure when it happened or exactly why. There's a certain amount of subjectivity when you have different people assessing the same situation...I'll admit I can be a tricky call between the two of them, lol.))

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm BP1 so can't helpfully answer your questions but wanted to share a website. PsychEducation | Treating the Mood Spectrum is a great reference for BPII (an I but it's really for II). It's written by a pdoc who specializes in bipolar and has tons of good information.

[Aliceiw]

Originally Posted by taybaby

Hi, I recently left a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 with psychotic features. I am a 24 year old female who just graduated college last May. I entered a major depressive episode about a month ago that ended up with me in the hospital. This is what I believe to be the third major depressive episode of my life where I have not been able to work or function in society.

Since leaving the hospital I have been taking my medicine (Lamictal, Lexapro, Klonopin) religiously, making myself get outside and walk everyday, and trying to learn all I can online about bipolar 2. However, I seem to find that most of what I find online primarily addresses bipolar 1, so I would REALLY appreciate it if you would take some of your time to answer my questions if you have bipolar 2.

1.) Since being medicated how much does having bipolar 2 interfere with your normal life? Are you able to maintain a job, relationship, etc.

2.) Do you every worry that you will escalate from hypomania to full blown mania? I find myself worrying about that a lot when I am hypo, and I'm not sure if that's even a possibility?

3.) Do you ever experience psychosis and if so could you explain what it feels like for you personally?

4.) How often since being medicated do you experience major depressive or hypomanic episodes?

5.) What is your reason for fighting everyday? What keeps you from giving up?


Thank you for taking the time to read this, I am feeling pretty worthless right now, and any advice or words of encouragement would mean the world to me.

So, my diagnosis is officially BP II with psychotic features. I didn't develop the psychotic features until age 22 but I've been diagnosed since 17. They are currently unsure if I should be diagnosed as BP I so this may be a little different but I can share my experiences and what I know.

1) With medication it was a bumpy road, I still had a lot of symptoms but they were a lot more bearable than they were before - especially the depression. Before I used to have such crippling depression I could barely lift my body. After a mood stabilizer it could still get bad but I wasn't as debilitated. I could work and have relationships but they were not easy things to maintain. Then I experienced psychotic features and they put me on an antipsychotic. After a while on that my life has dramatically changed for the better. I do acceptable at my job and I am happily married.

2) If you are truly BP II this wouldn't happen unless you took an antidepressant. I do sometimes worry about this but generally it's because They are a little fuzzy on my diagnosis and my brother has schizoaffective bipolar type and he frequently loses touch with reality. I think you just have to trust that religious medication compliance and the current diagnosis means you likely won't have to worry.

3) I haven't reached a point where I couldn't still see that there was a slight possibility I was wrong in what I perceived which is the only reason I was able to get help. For me personally, I thought I could see the dead and that they were coming for me in my sleep. I'd see shadow people, things changed colors, reality seemed to have cracks and would crackle in my vision like a broken tv, I saw people walking by me that were barely translucent, I saw doorways, smoke, flags with weird symbols, I've heard people arguing once (I couldn't understand them though), I've heard thumps on stairs when no one is awake, I've seen things floating above my head. I had nightmares, I stopped eating, I never brushed my hair, I was sensitive to noises and was terrified anywhere I went. I was jumpy. In my nightmares my hallucinations would taunt me. I'd wake up screaming. I wasn't sleeping needless to say. I started to see this all as a gift. I was able to see past the veil in my mind and demons wanted to take my soul through diagonal doorways in my house that I saw.

4) Generally, I don't have many symptoms (maybe just manageable downs every once in a while or a little anxiety) except like once a year and I can usually squash them with a heavy dose of an Antipsychotic. I know than many have a lot more trouble though.

5) What keeps me going:
-the episode will end as it always does
-The good times and life I've actually lived, the dreams I've fulfilled
-My husband and my little dogs
- The fact that tomorrow might be better, I can't tell what it will bring so who is to say it won't hold value. You can say that it will be bad but you really don't know. Whats one more day to find out. (I continue this day after day until it goes away)
-Medication has proven to help me and so has therapy so I have hope in that

hopefully that helps!

[Row Jimmy]

1.) Since being medicated how much does having bipolar 2 interfere with your normal life? Are you able to maintain a job, relationship, etc.

-Relationships haven't been an issue but my lithium makes me forget simple things like the day or what time I need to be somewhere.

2.) Do you every worry that you will escalate from hypomania to full blown mania? I find myself worrying about that a lot when I am hypo, and I'm not sure if that's even a possibility?

-Not really, but "mania" is a loaded term and it means different things to different people. For me, mania means anger. A big part of this challenge is knowing when it is coming. Mania sneaks up on people and they're in it before they know it. Catching it early is critical.

3.) Do you ever experience psychosis and if so could you explain what it feels like for you personally?

-No but I do see shadows out of the corner of my eye. My p-doc said this isn't mania and is common for people with BP2.

4.) How often since being medicated do you experience major depressive or hypomanic episodes?

-Over time, they seem to be diminishing but you *absolutely* need to combine medication with self care like diet, exercise, mindfulness, and sleep. Your life sort of becomes a new paradigm.

5.) What is your reason for fighting everyday? What keeps you from giving up?

-Why quit? There's no choice - it doesn't go away. I'm simply thankful I know what is wrong with me so I can work to manage it.

As an aside, you don't sound worthless. You know what's wrong, you take your medication, and you stay active. You're heading in the right direction, you just need to stick with it and accept it will be a lifelong battle of lots of ups and a few downs. Almost everyone with BP slips here and there.

BTW I grew up in Town and Country! Small world............