[taybaby]

[trigger warning]

I had three bad depression days where I couldn't leave my bed. Last night I didn't sleep well at all so I figured I was swinging into hypomania and then this morning I confirmed it when I woke up feeling great. I did yoga. I took my dog for a walk.

And then I went to see my therapist and I yelled at her. I don't think I've ever yelled at someone I didn't know in my life and I yelled at her. I suddenly swung into irritable hypomania and I became so agitated.

I just kept asking her "am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life??" am I constantly going to be swinging from these horrible f****** lows, to suddenly high and then too high and then crawling out of my skin??

How am I supposed to hold a job?
How am I supposed to be a parent?
How am I supposed to have a successful relationship?

I just kept yelling and I felt like I was going to explode. I have been trying so hard to be positive since leaving the hospital and it's like swinging into irritable hypomania straight out depression just finally broke me.

I don't think I can do this anymore. What is the point?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad

Three days in bed, depressed. That must have been awful. I don't know much about your condition, but is it possible the yelling was a natural release of anger and frustration?

[xRavenx]

So sorry you're struggling
I hope you have a better week. Depression takes time, and I understand how irritable hypomania can cause that reaction. It sounds like you don't feel like yourself at all, and that's hard to cope with. It's all part of this horrible disorder, and it's a rollercoaster.
Take care. Hoping for better days yet to come soon. Post whenever you're in need.

I don't know if this will help, but you can see my diagnosis in my signature. In spite of all that I've been married 11 years, I'm a mother of 4 amazing children and I own my own business. I joke that I knew my husband was "the one" the first time I was committed to the psych ward and he brought me cookies.

It is absolutely a challenge, but you can still succeed. Its okay to be upset and frustrated, just never give up. It is possible to do the impossible, I promise.

[-Astral-]

((((( hugs )))))

[taybaby]

Thank you for all your replies, it feels so good to be supported right now.

@purple-violet-blue:
I'm sure it was, but I just feel so sad that it was directed at my therapist who is just a nice little hippie woman. I wish I would have just gone home and screamed into a pillow or something!

@TheSadGirl
This actually made me feel emotional and tremendously better. Thank you so much for sharing. I was beginning to feel like there was no hope.

[tecomsin]

The good news is you have insight into your mood state. The only state I ever recognized until recently was depression. Everything else was 'not depressed'. Plus your therapist has seen you agitated and angry now and that can also turn out to be helpful in learning to manage or get detached from the agitation and the thoughts that go with it.

[Victoria'smom]

Now your therapist can help you. It's one thing to hear about it another to see it.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( taybaby ))))))