[oh_lorelei]

Not flat affect, but I don't know how else to describe it.

Short backstory, I've been unable to work and mostly staying at home for nearly 6 months now. Sometimes I'll have energy and a desire to do things - I'll go for walks, I'll knit, etc. Up until a couple of weeks ago I was really into making Christmas gifts for everybody, and I'm almost finished but have a couple left to do. And I go through periods of cleaning and grooming appropriately, but then not. For the past month, up until very recently, I was bathing almost every day. But a few days ago I knocked over a glass container which broke in the bathtub, and I haven't cleaned it up therefore haven't showered. I really need to do dishes. I have plenty of food in the house but I need to cook it and don't feel like cleaning up. So, toast and apples and things like that are what I've been eating.

I asked to overhaul my meds at my last pdoc appt (almost a week ago) so we dropped the vraylar I'd been trying and added Latuda. 20mg to start but up to 40 in a couple of days. Other than that I'm on 1000mg of depakote, 20mg celexa, and 450mg of wellbutrin.

I feel flat, dead. I still feel things - a couple of times recently I've felt sad, and I laughed at a funny show I watched, and things like that. But I just want to lay in bed. I nap sooooo much. Today is pretty good, normally I would have napped already (and then again around 5 or 6). But I just want an interesting show on Netflix and to have food delivered and to do nothing at all, not even sit on the couch.

I'm going to my regular doc for a thyroid test and other bloodwork because I've also put on a ton of weight this year (before the med changes, and my weight had been stable for 5 or 6 years).

I guess the worst part is that I know that taking that first step - a shower, or a walk, or finishing the present for my niece - will make everything else easier and maybe create some momentum. But I kind of feel like a petulant child - "but I don't wanna get up." I want the energy and motivation to come first. I know it doesn't always work that way but I'm really struggling.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lorelei: I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I'm an older person. And I don't recall ever having been on more than two med's at a time. And even they pretty-much wiped me out. So with all of the medications you're on, it makes sense to me you would feel flat & be struggling to keep up with everything.

Personally, I'm not on med's at this point. (Sometimes I think I probably should be.) For the most part, I'm pretty good at doing what needs to be done. As my father used to tell me, many years ago, "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it!" One thing I am struggling with at the moment, though, is going to get my hair cut! It's getting to the point where I either have to break down & get it cut or buy a ribbon! It's kind-of a long story as to why this is such a problem for me. And I'll spare you the details. But getting it taken care of is definitely a challenge for me.