[bewise93]

I got my first ssi payment. It was a backpay check for 2250. I spent 600 on amazon. And they were things i needed like a orange couch for 170. I have two couches and one is old and nasty. I also bought a twin bed and all i have is a matress. I cant sleep in big beds unless i have my dog. I need a small bed. That was ordered on amazon for 65. I got a twin matress with memory foam for 100, maybe some junk i didnt need like a picture of a yorkie reading a book, but anyways, it gave me a rush when i clicked "place order." It was like a shot of espresso. I then went and bought a harness for my dog. Its such cool colors and its a backpack so she can put her water and food in it. That gave me a rush. So i calmed myself down and thought "what really do i need?" All i needed for the day was hairspray $3 and a loaf of bread $1. So im staying off amazon, but suddenly i want to try heroin. Ive never had that thought before. I also feel very focused, more than ive been in a long time. Its like ive taken adderall. Then the weirdest thing happened. I started cleaning the kitchen. I dont feel hypomanic. I took a prn valium because it drops me down a notch and that really helps. Is it just excitement from the money or did it trigger a hypomanic episode. Btw i dont feel like taking heroin now but 3 hours ago i felt so compulsive i would have which scares me. I dont feel like my classic manic/hypomanic but its also winter and thats when i get manic, summer is depression. And i live in wisconsin so everyone hates winter here.

[SorryShaped]

Heroin? Seriously? Where's the slap emoticon? You know better.
If you want nrw in your life, donate time or money to causes. I just signed up for one a few minutes ago. I'm now on the Habitat workers list I've been getting really bored with life and needed something good to do.

[Slightlydelusional]

Please dont do heroin, I live in a big-time heroin-addict city and its heart breaking.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Slightlydelusional

Please dont do heroin, I live in a big-time heroin-addict city and its heart breaking.

Even this little town I'm in has that problem. People OD at public events, people that live here! There are three stoplights on Main St and people shooting up to the point of death here almost every day.
Give me the money, I'll fix my truck up some more XD

[bluemountains]

You sound manic to me, definitely triggered by the big payday. It sounds like you are trying to slow down the spending, but want to keep the rush. I agree with SorryShaped, can you put that energy to good use? We have several places to help the homeless in our area. The one I like best is feeding people at the rescue mission. You can always strike up great conversations there. Good luck and stay warm!

Are you also supported by someone else, like a parent or spouse, or otherwise have a separate large money nest egg? If not, you may find you need the SSI backpay for more crucial life expenses than what might be bought through Amazon. Rent? Food? Car repair? Medication copays? Definitely not heroin. Heroin is beyond crap! Thinking of people spending SSI on illegal drugs makes me cringe.

[bizi]

I believe that you have come to your senses.
It is insightful that you are questioning yourself.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Moose72]

I know the feeling youre describing. But you must try to save as much of it as possible for bills and unexpected things like car repairs. Heroin? Gah! Fast way to death imo. (no ive never tried it.)

[Teddy Bear]

I am from Wisconsin also. When I got my first disability check all I did was pay bills

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thinking of people spending SSI on illegal drugs makes me cringe.

They won't spend it on heroin for very long. Eventually they will die or hopefully get lifelong help. If you're in a hospital long-term, you sometimes have to refile and lose all the pay you would get while in the hospital, including addiction hospitals. It's not regulated at all any more. It used to be "just heroin" but that ship has sailed. It's adulterated with other drugs and chemicals to make it more strong or more weak, depending on the dealer's idea of profit. Sometimes it isn't even heroin but it's sold that way. There was a dealer here that sold colored powder sugar with a little bit of fentynl(sp?) on his way through town. One baggy has four hits, one has 40. They both weigh the same. How dangerous is that?