[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

I'd been hesitant.. scared.. wary.. about going before. Thoughts racing through my head of what a diagnosis would mean for me. My pdoc didn't feel comfortable giving me a diagnosis for anything other than general anxiety/depression, and recommended I go to a specialist so I could get more accurate treatment. Took me well over a year to finally go. I'd made appointments and blew them off, never actually going.

I had to get over the fact that I would get diagnosed with 'something' and it would be on my medical records. I had some preconceived notion that it would never go away and there would be some sort of horrible stigma attached to me everywhere I go. Irrational as that may sound, it is what prevented me from seeking professional help.

I finally went this past Monday, spent an hour with a P.A. talking about my history, what meds I am currently on (Lexapro/Wellbutrin from my pdoc), etc. She took that information and talked to one of their head Psychiatrists about it, then came back about 15 minutes later with him. He was very nice, understanding, and seemed genuinely interested and concerned about my care. My personal research proved to be right. I have Bipolar II. I felt an inner sense of calmness and clarity now that I had a professional, someone that has spent their life studying conditions such as this, verifying that yes indeed, there was something amiss in my brain. And that better help was coming.

Lexapro had been working WONDERS for my anxiety and slightly for depression as well. Wellbutrin didn't seem to do much, but made life "liveable". I was not thriving or excited about anything. Just going through the motions. I was on Abilify prior to the Wellbutrin but only for 2 months - it gave me facial motor tics and sent me in to a deep depressive episode. No Bueno.

He took me off Wellbutrin and replaced it with a mood stabilizer, Trileptal. I stopped the Wellbutrin cold turkey and started Trileptal that same night. I had a really good Tuesday and today is looking great as well.

I feel much better now that I was finally able to get over myself and get proper help, and hopefully better meds to balance my moods. I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks. By then I hope to see even more positive changes with the Trileptal as it builds up in my system.

I also chose to stop drinking cold turkey as well. I knew I had been drinking too much for too long. Each time I drank it was 6+ beers, and sometimes 4-5 nights a week. It became routine. A way to quell my mind at the end of the night. To slow the racing thoughts. It took the words from the Psychiatrist to really cement it in my brain that alcohol counteracts anti depressants and that in order to feel better, I would need to make a lifestyle change. He said the Trileptal would assist in those nighttime racing thoughts.

I even stopped smoking cannabis. This happened after I started the Wellbutrin. I think that can be attributed to the fact that Wellbutrin is somewhat of a cessation tool used for people quitting cigarettes. The urge or desire to smoke (which used to be daily) just stopped. I don't care anymore. It doesn't really do anything for me. Even with my MMJ card and specific strains, all it really did was numb me and slow my brain down (again like with Alcohol to slow the racing thoughts). So without the alcohol and cannabis, I feel strongly that I can finally let my mind be a blank slate for the psych meds to work properly and not be counteracted or made less effective by other psychoactive chemicals.

I am committed to feeling better, and if drinking La Croix instead of beer and not smoking helps in any way, I'm all for it. I want to be able to let the meds do their job in the most effective manner.

Thanks for being here, community. This may be my first and only post, but do lurk frequently and have gleaned a TON of helpful insights over time since I have been visiting this site. I hope to contribute and give back in any way that I am able.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

[Jester's Rags]

Love your user name. I'm a huge Pink Floyd and Syd Barrett fan.

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

Originally Posted by Jester's Rags

Love your user name. I'm a huge Pink Floyd and Syd Barrett fan.

Cheers and thank you for noticing! His story and music speaks to me in ways nothing else does. I have similar experiences with (almost) too much psychedelic use. His pushed him too far past the edge, way past the point of no return. He'd seen too much too soon. I had a period from 2010 to 2012 where I heavily used (and I would now say abused) psychedelics and MDMA/MDA. Now that I know I've been suffering BPII since at least 2005 and probably prior to that, I know for a fact I seriously exacerbated my depression and anxiety by all the stress I put on my brain and it's pathways.

Luckily I had a HUGE panic attack that put some things in perspective and I stopped using those things. But now I get to deal with the reprecussions.. at least I'm not going to shave my head and live in basement for the rest of my life.

[Victoria'smom]

Welcome.

[Nola0250]

Welcome to the club! I am newly diagnosed BP II as well. This forum is an incredible resource of information and a great source of support.

[Wonderfalls]

Pdoc usually stands for psychiatrist in these kinds of forums, but since he sent you to a specialist for a diagnosis of BPII, I assume he was just your general practioner and he sent you to a psychiatrist. I think it's always better to have someone trained and experienced prescribing psychiatric drugs anyway. I'm glad you built up the courage to go see someone. Good for you!

[SparkySmart]

Welcome!

One of the issues I deal with when I feel great is how exactly to spend my free time. If I spent hours every day pursuing addictive substances and circular thinking, and this has suddenly resolved, it leaves a lot of free time in my schedule that I know I should be using productively but am not quite sure how.