Proactive decisions

I've finally come around to quitting my HS coaching jobs......except for my wife, you're the first to know! Haha! I coach HS basketball and baseball and see no further benefit to me to continue. I've won over 150 games in each sport over the last 14 years and the end is upon me. As a person, I've always felt loyalty to some people and I am coming around to believing that it is the singular thing that holds me back. What about *me*? Why do it? Times roll on and things change - taking a fresh perspective and rebuilding your future is important. I honestly believe people (especially BP) are held back when we simply plod through life. Stuff piles up and it's hard to function. We become cranial pack rats. We defer to what we know because it's comfortable. What are those things giving to us now? Yesterday was great......what about now? What do we get in return? Does it make us better people? Often, we simply say things like "I need the money" or "what else would I do with my time" or "if I change, it causes too many problems". Some of the things we do are bloodsucking our time, energy, intelligence, and effort.

OK here was the epiphany. Basketball "folks" will understand but see if you can follow along. I was coaching a game on Friday and we were up 6 with 50 seconds to play. We're in the double bonus (which means if we're fouled, we shoot 2). I tell my team the only way we lose is if we hand the game to them on a platter. Keep in mind these are HS boys - 16, 17, 18. As you reflect on this fact, the first thing that should enter your mind is "duh". OK, in the t/o, I tell them to move, move the ball, run some clock, get fouled. Hit one of two and that's it, we're up 7 with about 35 to play. So what happens? Five seconds into the possession, someone launches a 16 foot airball, the other team comes down and converts a three point play. Now we're up 3 with 30 to go. I am ready to boil over but let's see how we handle this possession. Still up 3, we inbound the ball and get fouled with 19 seconds left......going to the line. Hit one of two and it's still over. Yeah, we miss both f/t and the other coach calls a timeout. I snapped as I am known to do. I refused to talk to them and told them to go out and figure it out on their own since they don't want to take my advice. We ended up winning but the other team did get off a shot to tie.

I sat there after the game and said "why am I here"? This does not benefit *me*, it benefits them (if at all because they don't listen anyway). They're a singular group of many people in my world that suck the life out of me.....we all know people like that. Keep in mind, we're 8-4 on our way to a winning season so I'm doing something right. But I've won plenty in my time and I get nothing out of this. It's an exercise in tedium and there's a good part of me that feels used. And that's *one* thing in my life I don't tolerate. My BP kicks in, my blood pressure boils over, I don't sleep well, and I spend wayyyyyy too much time trying to figure things out. It was a strange moment - I'd always kicked around the notion of simplifying my life and pursuing things that *I* want to do. But I'd get complacent and lazy about the thoughts because I didn't want to shake it up. Change is hard in many ways.

So I'm moving onto the next. What will I do? I still have a full time job but as Justice Thurgood Marshall once said when he was asked what he would do in his retirement, he famously quipped "sit on my butt and do nothing". I'll spend more time clearing my mind and coming back down to earth. Maybe I'll spend an hour or so just staring at the birds in the backyard. I am looking forward to it. Having clarity frees the mind of crushing clutter. I liken it to being able to play "connect the dots". There's a dot which is located way on the left side of my mind that can't find the right-side connection because there's too much stuff in the middle.

No offense (pun intended), but your end game advice sounded like a loser's strategy. You didnt give your boys anything to play FOR. If they would have listened to you, they would have admitted they were weak and fearful and couldnt hold on to a lead, and didnt deserve to win. They think you think they didnt deserve to win. They deserve a coach that believes they deserve to win. I know Trump doesnt exactly endorse sportsmanship, and maybe im being a pollyanna, but i think you couldnt talk because you were embarrassed that these were your true feelings.

I talk about sports a lot with my t.

Actually, the strategy here is to keep the ball away from the opponent as long as you can and make them put you on the f/t line. Since we're up 6, that's a "two possession" game. If we're up 7, the opponent needs the ball three times to tie or win. With 40 seconds left (or so, perhaps), that's a game we can't lose if we're up 7. But if we shoot and miss or throw it away up 6, now it's still a two possession game. And what I feared actually happened. They know how to move the ball......if they didn't, they'd get cut. So we shoot, miss, and they came down and got 3 - now we're up only 3 with 30 seconds left. But if my team can get on the line with 20 seconds left and hit one of two, we're still in business. Of course they missed both and we almost went into OT.

I think the difference is free throw shots. Any coach will tell you if you hit your free throws late, you'll win. I wasn't protecting the lead or playing not to lose, but the team knows if they hit their f/t, they'll win. Playing not to lose would be standing still with the ball, afraid to do anything.

Anyway, just because I'm retiring doesn't mean I don't like talking shop! Thanks, these are always fun. I'm sure some of the parents said the same thing.......I'm used to the criticism. . Some of the parents don't even talk to me. JFF past history - one wrote a letter to the AD saying I discriminated against short people, one said I was too loud and her son was scared of me, and one demanded I apologize to his son for yelling at his son "in front of everyone" because he took off his sneaker on the bench and flipped it in the air for 10 minutes like a toy. And that's just the mellow stuff!

Okay, now i get what youre saying. But it seemed to emphasize the negative over the positive. I wouldve said, delay your shots as long as possible AND try to make them foul you. There was no positive in what you told us.

I love talking sports! Its just mens soap operas!

I know nothing about sports of any kind. Zilch. But if this change is what you need and will make you happy, then it sounds like a good one to me.

It is! I wretch and kvetch over it on a regular basis.......but I'm tired now. I'm not getting anything out of it.

You actually articulate the greater and wider challenge - I need to draw it, write it, get the parents to repeat it, show it on video, say it don't spray it, dance it, hop it, hop to it, wheel it, deal it, peel it, seal it, and use karate chop hand signals for them to get it. Anyone who works with teenage boys on a regular basis (not your kids) knows their attention span for anything other than girls, technology, food, or video games is about 0.6 seconds.

Thanks for your years of service to young people!

A great write-up of the game situation, by the way!

I have very fond memories of my coaches, including those with hot tempers!
Most coaches make life-long impressions upon each player.

Best wishes to you as you move on to something different.


WC

Ditto! I like you second to Tony Romo's 2nd chair on cbs.

Regardless of how you got to the point of “ I need to change my life” was apparently a much needed change for you..

I think we all often get into ruts that make us unhappy unfulfilled or simple more of a dreaded chore than any kind of enjoyment.

Enjoy your birds and maybe there is something new on the horizon that will spark an entrance of new experiences you might enjoy more so than previously

I'm a bit of a hot head.......but I'm trying, Wild Coyote, I'm trying REAL HAAAARD, to be the shepherd.