[Cornucopia]

Whether I am up or down, normal or not- my mind is always racing. Normally it just feels okay, I am pretty used to it. I was on Ritalin for a year, suspected adhd, and that was the most quiet year I have had ever.

Yesterday I fall asleep, but as the rest of these last weeks it didn’t go many minutes before I was awake again. (30-60 minutes)
My legs starts to feel restless, and I feel a mix of itching and pain. Then my pulse starts climbing, and my minds starts racing. It’s like having a freaking tea-party inside, driving me nuts. Everything, like every freaking moment of the day- and everything I did or did not accomplish that day keeps stopping by this party. And then the fun starts, future and past- and there is just not enough space in my poor brain to handle it.

It feels like exploding, from the inside. I imagines myself screaming my lungs out while ripping my hair out. That scene made me giggle a bit, and I sighed really high and put my head back on the pillow. Facepalming myself while trying to ask my brain to shut the f**k up for just a minute. And why, why do this now, I had an okay day. «Because of life», the answer made me sigh even more. Telling me that life in itself is triggering me atm.
Frustrated and still itchy in my legs I started getting annoyed at all this discussion inside my head. Gaaaah, I am so in need for a time-out, or I will end up all exhausted and explode again.

There was no way to stop this, I was getting all sweaty and really restless.
I decided to try sedate this beautiful broken brain of mine. Went downstairs and got a sleeping pill. A ‘z’, so not very addictive one. (It was not mine, but I was desperate. And I will tell my doc I took one of my husbands sleeping pill. I know it was wrong)

Anyway. I took it. Went to bed, and read a bit online. Still a tea-party inside, but after a while I started to feel everything calm down.
I didn’t feel a high or anything drug-like, but when things started to calm down I felt so peaceful. I was amazed, and I thought to myself «oh my, you can’t fall asleep yet, you need to embrace this loving feeling of peace and quiet». It was so amazing.

I slept like a baby.

My husband says his head is quiet on a normal basis. I say, never again say that we are not coping- you don’t even know how easy your life is then

I am not medicated. I wonder if anyone medicated experience calmness?
It’s not so emotional, it’s just really exhausting. Maybe I’m weird.

I don’t know. But all day I have been remembering the quiet ten minutes yesterday. I am surprised and yeah, almost longing for someone to give me a week of that quiet state of mind.

[SorryShaped]

Meds made it quiet for a while last year. Sometimes I can get back there in meditation still. I haven't for days been able to calm the beast that is my mind. That's the nature of it, my mind the beast. That's a good title for a book, "my mind, the beast." Hmm. I hope you can get some more relief and please share when you do and what works

[Zigy]

You're not weird. It seems like anxiety to me: racing toughs, sleep issues, sweating, pressure sensation in your head. It's probably the pill you took that made you calm. Most of people suffering from anxiety require medications to calm down and be able to sleep.

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

Racing thoughts is a common symptom of BP (as well as ADHD which has a high comorbidity with BP), and when you are in a quiet bedroom with no other stimulation, your mind is the only thing left, interacting with itself.

I used to have this issue constantly, until I was finally put on a mood stablizer (Trileptal), which has helped immensely in reducing the night-time racing thoughts. I end my evenings with reading books, and when I want to finally go to sleep, I do a sort of meditative breathing to relax my brain and sink in to slumber. Focusing on your breath, deep and healing, is a great way to naturally relax yourself. I would also recommend getting a blue-light filter app on your phone, that you turn on before going in the bedroom. This filters your screen so that your brain isn't tricked in to "seeing daylight" (more info here: https://www.health.harvard.edu/stayi...as-a-dark-side )

I also have ADHD and have been on adderall for the last year and a half, which I take once a day in the morning. By the time I've had dinner, the adderall isn't affecting me much anymore so it does not interfere with my sleep. It also helps calm the racing thoughts throughout the day and allows me to focus better on my work.

You can also look in to melatonin as a sleep aid, but be careful with the dosage, too much and you will just wake up groggier than you were before you went to bed. I try not to use supplements or meds for sleeping.

[Cornucopia]

«It’s a beauty and a beast,
on my mind they both feast»

Yeah- I have several pages and poems written about me and my beast.

I’ll most certainly let you know when I figure out how to control it

I know one thing;
“There is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised.”

*sigh* and my B sure needs a lot of excerise…

[Cornucopia]

My doctor prescribed Seroquel for me, starting on 100 tonight. Going up to 400 in the next four days.