[Victoria'smom]

IDK what to think, either I’m a *****, or silent there’s no in between for me. So I avoid speaking unless there’s no other option. I do nothing, I have no hobbies, can’t really get into anything that’s not extremely expensive. My pdoc has me on 100 lamictal and 10 zyprexa. I don’t feel I need them. I’m a shell of a person. I volunteer and that’s going okay. I talk to people when I have to so that’s better than I thought. I’m always saying to myself “why are they talking to me?” almost aggravated when people talk this includes my family. So I come off as short. I leave for my parents house for a month and a half in a little over a month. Thanks to my old pdoc I should have enough meds. I hate meds.

Yesterday my son was joking about how his old teacher found an old suicide note and asked him about it giving the out that it was lyrics and he said yes. Umm… what would have happen if he did go through with it? You would think she’d at least give us a call or hey watch out for your son. I’m so angry at her. I know she was building trust but she had my son’s life in her hands. Luckily he’s in a better place (I think). It’s a laugh or you’d cry situation. Humor is our family’s coping mechanism. That was the first time he told me about the situation.

I hate life but I’m not really living.

On a side note the state is going to pay for my son’s school books after this summer so we won’t have to spend the 1.5K a year on his books. So his degree isn’t going to cost us much at all anymore.

My husband started classes again.