You would think being on meds that haven't worked for me in the past and not sleeping would send me manic if I did have bipolar disorder. I also know doubting the diagnosis is common, so maybe its just that. My first diagnosis was b*llsh*t. "You get angry and then you get sad? Sounds like BP to me!"

[franz kafka]

What is making you doubt right now?

The fact that my first diagnosis was a load of crap and it seems like all the other doctors just went along with what I said I had. I also cant remember ever having a real episode other than depression, which could be caused by my PTSD (along with anger outbursts/irritability and psychosis). I think a lot of my "symptoms" can be explained through insomnia and PTSD. No one is in their right minds when they cant sleep, and just because I cant sleep doesn't mean I'm manic.

[Blueberrybook]

Maybe get a second opinion? Could be that you get hypomania and not full-blown mania? People rarely seek help for hypomania because it doesn't mess with their lives so much.

IDK, my first symptom of psych problems was not sleeping (even as a child, before I got very depressed). Then, I presented with mainly depression. I did have some symptoms of bipolar, like overspending money that I didn't mention because it embarrassed me and I didn't realize it was relevant to the diagnosis. You don't have to have all the symptoms to be bipolar and some of the symptoms you describe like irritability go with BP too.

And different meds work for different people (for most psych diagnoses anyway). And I think there are people who do not have much success with meds no matter how many combos they've tried. It took several years to get me on a halfway decent combo for bipolar. I was mis-diagnosed too, but with major depression for years. Anti-depressants caused me to have symptoms of mania, so you want to be certain you have the right diagnosis. Do you trust your pdoc? How long have you been seeing him/her?

How long have you been on meds? Have you sought another opinion as far as your psych diagnosis? Are you in therapy too?

Ive been in the mental health system for about five years now, been on meds just as long, and have had 5 outpatient psychiatrists, all say bipolar or schizoaffective probably because the first said bipolar. I have also seen several doctors during hospitalizations and its always bipolar/schizoaffective and PTSD. Ive just been diagnosed with PTSD a couple years ago because that's when I stopped keeping my trauma history a secret. I do not trust my pdoc very much and have been seeing him for about 6 months. I havent seen my therapist in a few months, but I go to groups when I feel the need.

[pirilin]

We are in the same boat. I hope it doesn't sink.

[*Laurie*]

I can tell you my experience. I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder 25 years ago. The truly manic episodes have occurred in full force only very occasionally...every few years, in fact. When a manic episode does occur, I have no doubt that I have become very unstable. The main symptoms are euphoria (colors and music are VERY vivid, VERY exciting) and irritability that quickly turns to rage. And the anger I feel is extremely justified to me. (In retrospect, I am ashamed of how I behaved.)

When I am not in a mania I can be off meds and be my normal self. So meds are not necessarily a gauge for whether one has bipolar disorder.

I do experience insomnia, however, I am very tried all the time. The loss of sleep very much affects...I cannot go without sleep and feel okay.

[cool09]

just because I cant sleep doesn't mean I'm manic.

There can be lots of things causing insomnia including meds. Mirapex is doing that to me now.

[still_crazy]

i hear you. the other day, I saw my counselor. I was trying to explain how psychosocial factors contribute to the crazy. i even said "i recognize that bipolar I is something that needs treatment, blah blah blah," so he wouldn't perceive what I was saying as threatening. dude...he's all " its THE ILLNESS," and then goes on about the wonders of the miracle meds.

a lot of times, shrinks don't want you questioning them, counselors either. ive noticed some of it is social class stuff. im a "mental patient," but my "well-to-do" parents take care of me, basically. so...I get more leeway than in years past. "nothing personal," I guess.

anyway...maybe go talk to a progressive family doctor? a lot of them have dealt with psychiatric excesses. they may keep you on something, but you'll probably get actual monitoring, and in my experience, they tend to low dose on more potentially dangerous psych drugs. just a thought.

My therapist says I am bipolar of sorts, but maybe bipolar I isn't the most accurate diagnosis for me. She also brought up aspergers (?!) I don't know if she was insinuating she thinks I'm on the spectrum or not. I wish therapists had the training to diagnose, they spend so much more time with us than pdocs and if they had that knowledge they could be more accurate.

[cool09]

I have agitated depression, a form of bpd. I don't get manic. It's just severe agitation, irritability and depression.