[Jennyanydots]

I've been working at this company for a little over a year now and I had a manic episode back in Nov and was hospitalized for a month and went back to work mid January. I went through a breakup a few weeks ago which really tore my heart apart and I fell into depression and now I'm taking a month off from work for bipolar depression to get my **** together. I start PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) tomorrow for counseling, support and to (re)learn DBT/Cognitive coping skills while I'm on leave from work.

I'm really ashamed that I had to take time off and I'm really embarrassed to go back to work. I feel like my illness is controlling me and I'm doing a horrible job living a "normal" functioning life. I feel broken and I keep thinking, I'm so damaged who would ever want to date me? I feel so weak and alone. I haven't told any of my friends that I'm taking time off work. I just want them to believe that I still go to work everyday.

Tomorrow, when I get home from PHP, I'm going to try really hard to clean my house and do laundry (I let all the house chores go to the waste side) since I've just been spending my time in bed (And I really need to wash my sheets, lol). I think if I just start taking baby steps, I'll start feeling better about myself. I need to push myself to do the things that I used to do like take my dogs for walks/dog park and work out. I have a rowing machine and stationary bike which are getting pretty dusty. I need to start eating healthier (limit lean cuisines) and start making fresh food like fish and chicken with veges. I also love hiking so now that it's spring, I can start going hiking again. I guess I'm just giving myself a pep talk here and probably nobody is interested:/

Any other ideas how I can lift my mood? Or how you lift your mood during bipolar depression? And what have your experiences been about work/LOA. Did you feel discriminated against?

[bizi]

I think you could ask your pdoc to increase your lamictal.
sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
Baby steps, you could make a list of things that you want to accomplish. do one thing then cross it off. It can help give you a sense of pride.

((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Jennyanydots]

I'm already taking 400 mg of Lamitcal and 60 mg of Latuda.

The list is a good idea, thanks

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots

I'm already taking 400 mg of Lamitcal and 60 mg of Latuda.

The list is a good idea, thanks

sorry your signature line says 200mg of lamictal.
bizi

[Jennyanydots]

Originally Posted by bizi

sorry your signature line says 200mg of lamictal.
bizi

No prob. I actually don't know how to change the signature. Need to look into that.

[Zigy]

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots

No prob. I actually don't know how to change the signature. Need to look into that.

Click on My Profile in the upper left, on the blue bar, first on the left. Then under Settings & Options (under Your Control Panel) on the left side Edit Signature.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve taken five LOAs in the past six years I’ve been teaching. You might say teaching is not good for me lol. Anyway this past year I just started at a new school and by November I was hospitalized for psychotic depression. Then took leave for 3 months. I returned on February 1. I am almost certain they are going to fire me; however I think it has more to do with the fact that I can’t do my job properly than bipolar. Except it’s because of bipolar that I can’t do my job...anyway. In my old job I took LOA every year I was there and they still didn’t fire me (they were desperate though). When I would return the admin would be very supportive but my coworkers were gossipers. One even talked about me In front of a student and that student later used the info against me. It was a negative environment. I left.

As for lifting depression, well, I’m still trying to figure that one out. For me it seems smaller things like self care help temporarily but only med changes actually lift me out. Or I have to wait for my natural cycle to cycle back around, which is a ***** because I never know how long it will be. But things that help temporarily are soothing with the senses, ie putting on nice smelling lotion, and snuggling under my weighted blanket. I also listen to music constantly. Depressing **** but it helps me feel less alone. Writing on here helps too.

I’ve recently found that exercise does indeed help me but unfortunately I am unable to get to the gym as much as I’d like to. And unable to exercise at home in any meaningful way. But if you could get out hiking it will help, especially to be out In the sunshine.

I’m sorry this was rather rambly. I wish you well! Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.