I value your input to keeping me clean and on the right path.

I go loony because of my thought process. I'm still obviously drawn to "instant" fixes.

I've neglected my health in the last two days and I'm getting ready to go into the medical centre for a checkup, thinking my health is out of whack, hence the shameful last thread I made before this one.

Not for Valium lol (oh it hurts)

Thanks. Again,

Love always Steve.

Ps. I'm not be printing anything regarding the posts made or even mentioning this site. Promise.

[bizi]

You can pat yourself on the back for being clean.
Only you can claim this ownership.
You can be proud of yourself for doing this hard work and you are worthy of this effort.

bizi

I tried. The first thing he said to me is "I'm not giving you Valium" and whatever faith/hope I was holding on disappeared instantly.

Let me make one thing (and I can't stress this enough) clear.

I have ONLY ever been prescribed Valium twice in my life. Never tried it even though me being honest about what I've used in the past was an utter waste of my energy.

They keep bringing up the past ONLY because I had a different life than them (them meaning the hypocrite that lie even though they are doctors).

I've sold heroin to gp's in the past, NEVER breaking my silence until now, here, some 12 years ago...rant...I'm so good...rant..

Back to today's doctor. He said he can't do anything for me because he's not my usual GP...The similar exuse I'm getting from MY GP about the results from the hospital. Fu(K!

My liver specialist said that I'm fine with the exception of absence from alcohol while taking not shut 14 pills a day so my liver works with out the need for a pine box...in theory of course.

I went in sick, depressed, increased planning to end it, but bot in the mood to talk about that now because it's a huge trigger. And these cold chills won't leave me alone. I've reduced, increased tramadol to "test" a theory of mine and I was right.

I got home, but only after giving a homeless person my last $10 that..oh well, it's only money to me and a beer or meal for him, which made me feel better, but I thought, these doctors won't even give me something for bipolar, even being diagnosed with general anxiety disorder AND the new pdoc said I wasn't bipolar and I replied with, no, I'm bipolar two.

She then said "oh that changes everything"

Never the heck that means. So no, I'm not manipulative, conning etc. Just plain ole sick, in chronic pain and no medicine for mental health.

Yes. I have been off everything for the exception of weed for a couple of months, but only to help me with the oxy withdrawals.

At the moment my head feels like a bag of heat pads, worse than a hangover and I'm about to self medicate on leftover Valium or idk

No sympathy please, but please keep in mind my current emotional state of mind.

For what it's worth. Thanks bizi

[emgreen]

I'll heed your wish & dispense with sympathy. I hear, however, your frustration & depression. I enjoy your posts & wish only the best for you.

[Wild Coyote]

((((( Steve ))))))

Wishing you all the best

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'll heed your wish & dispense with sympathy. I hear, however, your frustration & depression. I enjoy your posts & wish only the best for you.

^^^ Well put. I agree with emgreen. Please keep posting, no apologies, and keep us in the loop.

[Amazonmom]

we care it's ok