Yesterday was a real hell for me as we made our way back home from a European vacation. In addition to having some bipolar symptoms (especially irritability, impatience, and high energy levels) and a major anxiety attack during the vacation, I had some major mental break downs at two of the airports yesterday. I feared for my sanity and hubby was so scared that they wouldn't let me on the plane at London Heathrow. The London Heathrow airport is a hell place that I won't even describe. I became afraid that a woman put anthrax on my pen when she borrowed it. I washed my hands 10 times and vowed to dispose of my courier bag, though now I'm past that. I felt I was caught in a hellish dellusion that no matter how far we walked or how many buses we'd take, we'd never get there. Even markers with walking times seemed to confirm that. In reality, we actually did just make it to our plane despite having 4 hours to get there upon arrival. As I struggled, I grew distraught. Hubby made me take 2 mg Ativan prn and an extra 50 mg Seroquel because I was making scenes (mostly yelled complaints) and clearly looking insane. That was during the day.

I calmed a little in the airplane, but the stress-induced insanity returned when we got to our home airport. In the plane, at one point hubby started to cry severely upset about our trip and me. It was all my fault, or my illness's.

I believe that when we got to our home airport that I was really starting to get manic. Crowds of people were staring at me as I continued yelling all kinds of complaints. Poor hubby just tried to pull me along, but at one point I refused to wait in yet another line and was yelling that I was ashamed of my country, that I would be writing all kinds of letters of complaint, and that when people reached the top of the line that they would all need to give a stool sample. And much more.

I'm glad I'm home and see pdoc on May 22. Today we pick up our bird boy. I told hubby that I'm obviously still not ready for such major trips. I feel so bad for him.

Sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you're able to see your pdoc very soon; it sounds like you're really struggling.

Admittedly, travel really stresses me out too, and when I went to Europe two summers ago, I freaked out and became an angry manic person. I was getting 0-4 hours of sleep a night and was really cranky. I wanted to punch someone. Though, thankfully I never became delusional, and thankfully I never hallucinated. It's scary when I get that way, so I 100% understand the delusional stuff.

[Nola0250]

So sorry you had to go through this, it sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad you're seeing your doctor soon. Maybe you can figure out a better med plan for next time so you can still enjoy travel.

[liveforsummer]

Sorry you went through this, sounds so distressing. I haven’t travelled to Europe in 30 years. Terrified of the time difference and what it would do to my sleep and mood. Coming back from Hawaii 5 years ago was hard enough.

I wonder if there are any good travel coping mechanisms?

(((((((((BirdDancer))))))))) I'm sorry it went sideways for you. Big time zone travel can wreak some havoc. The last time I did it (2005), I went high, but happy. The time before (2002) was energetic, but remember a panic meltdown (thought I lost my wallet) in a grocery store. I actually had more trouble on fewer timezones (2012), but it was probably on account of other stressors added in. Worst episode of my life, that was.

Travel can be hard, even though it can also be a great thing.

Glad you are home and being reunited with your birdie. And seeing your pdoc Tuesday. Welcome back!

I tried the airplane thing once...I was afraid that I’d be that crazy person screaming and jumping about pointing at some monster on the wing...I fought the urge so hard....but once we leveled off and the anxiety started easing back a little...I looked out the window and dissociated.

[*Laurie*]

I love to travel, it's one of my favorite things in life. I've traveled to many places in the world. But whether I drive to San Francisco an hour away from home or whether I'm flying to the mideast, Europe, or Ireland, I become very fatigued. Traveling is exhausting, which tends to wear us down and when we're worn out bipolar symptoms will almost inevitably appear.


I think the best thing you can do is rest. Get some extra sleep to recover from the stress of traveling.

[Unrigged64072835]

At least you're home now. Sorry you and your husband had to go through that. It's tough with major time zone shifts.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( BirdDancer ))))))

I get stressed out traveling.
I hope all is calm now.


WC

Thanks, everyone! Yes, my next vacation can't be so intensive. I told hubby it was overwhelming in a few ways. First, we did an incredible amount of exercise almost every day, something I wasn't used to for a long time. Second, it was like information (visual/auditory) overload and traveling every day with few down periods. Lastly, hubby forced me to visit a real estate agent as an exploration to possibly moving there. That was a triggering thought, and one that led me to request we not do it. Hubby forced it anyway. I thought we'd see the agent for two hours, but it turned into half a day in his office and almost a full next day looking at houses.

Nowadays I do prefer vacations with a lot less going on, plus down time. I also like opportunities for a little alone time. Though most of the vacation was "paid" for with credit card points, enough wasn't to make my frugal self quite nervous.