I'm stuck in a dilemma and I don't know what to do. At first I was excited, but now I want to cry.

Long story short, I make 30% less than the average person for my position. Even this new girl at work, who just graduated from college, is making the same as me, and yet here I am... I have a master's with 3 years experience and making the same amount of money as her. It's really not fair... and my bosses (yeah, I have two) won't have a money conversation with me. "Oh, your pay raise just depends on how you compare to everyone else..." BS.

I was contacted by a recruiter from a well known tech company on Friday and she wants to talk to me in 2 days. I looked up the salaries and they are literally double of what I'm getting now. (That's how underpaid I am.) The problem? I live just outside Boston and this place is in California. That means I'll lose my therapist and pdoc forever if I move out to Cali, and that will probably destabilize me as well. But I am getting ****ed over pay wise and that is making me miserable too. I get sick every time just thinking about how these people take advantage of me pay wise, and how they don't seem to care. And I know the only answer to this pay problem is to change jobs. But my position is so unique that I have not been able to find a similar job around here. All those jobs are in California.

Do you think it's worth the move? I want to think about this in advance, before the official interview begins.

[Daonnachd]

I'm sure you've already looked at cost-of-living differences. I don't know about Boston, but I know CA is a very expensive place to live. Keep that in mind.

Of course, unless you're in SoCal, the weather is generally nicer here than the Eastern Seaboard. Summer's less humid. Winter's less frigid. In SoCal the seasons are just "hot" and "hotter".

What area would you be looking at if you moved? SF Bay Area? LA? San Diego?

[Daonnachd]

Here's a brief commentary from someone else.

A good friend of mine moved from Boston to San Fran… and then back to Boston. Here are a few points which come to mind.

1. You think the cost of living in the Boston area is outrageous? Just wait until you get to the Bay Area. Depending on the neighborhood you move to in San Fran, you can’t buy a loaf of bread for less than $4. People choose to live in RVs which they park in their employer’s parking lot. Tech workers live in Amsterdam hostel-style accommodations yet still pay several hundred dollars every month in rent. It just goes on and on with stories like this.
2. The best and worst of Boston are especially amplified in SF. Are you a bleeding heart progressive type on the political spectrum? You’ll fit right in in San Fran. Thankfully, if you’re the type who likes to help out homeless people, get ready to have your hands full as there are plenty of them in the area.
3. Traffic and congestion are equally bad in both cities. Depending on where you live and your preferred method of transportation, it could take you a long time to get to and from work.
4. People are leaving the Bay Area at very high rates, primarily because of the extreme cost of living. This may eventually lead to a lower cost of living but don’t expect things to change any time soon.
5. The move itself isn’t too bad especially if your employer is paying for it. Make sure you either have professional movers and/or friends to help you move on both ends, should you decide to move.

That’s everything I can think of at the moment. My simple advice is don’t move to the Bay Area unless you’re going to be one of these rest-and-vest type tech engineers. If you’re not in that position, it could be very very tough to make ends meet out there.

[Daonnachd]

Another perspective:

San Francisco is more expensive than Boston. According to this source, San Francisco is 23% more expensive than Boston.
Both San Francisco and Boston are in the top 10 most educated cities in the US, so they have very educated residents.
For the most part, San Francisco’s weather is temperate and, within limits, predictable. Its summers are famously foggy, winters tend to be fairly mild. Boston, on the other hand, has more extreme weather: summers are hot and humid, and winters are cold.
California has such a wide array of beautiful sites to see, trails to hike, beaches, mountains — and all of them are so close that you can be down and back in a day. Food is great, and everything is so fresh due to California’s agricultural output.

The Vertiginous commentary again: SF (Bay Area) is apparently much more crowded than Boston and environs, thus more expensive to find housing. I personally know people who commute 2 hours each way in order to have a place they can afford while working in or near The City.

SF Bay Area. Silicon Valley.

I looked up some areas to live near Silicon Valley that were about 30-45 mins away from the company's office (with traffic factored in) and the rent there was the same as what I'm paying now. I see trains that take 30 mins to get there, or you can drive. The company has a shuttle if I really wanted to take it. But the commute there is slightly better than where I'm at now... sadly.

The job is pretty flexible from what I can tell. (I'll find out for sure when I talk to the recruiter, though.) I'm reading stories about people who get into work at 11am, for example. Not that I plan to go in as late as 11, but the point there is the flexibility. Guess it ultimately depends on the boss, though.

I've also read about a good sign-on bonus to help you move, but I won't even bother asking that until I have an offer in my hand. So the moving part shouldn't be an issue if I get the sign-on bonus. (yes, "if" I get one... but they're apparently known to give out sign-on bonuses.)

Even with the 23% increase in living costs factored in, I'm still making better money and can live more freely. I also don't have to deal with horrid winter weather, either. I don't get along well with the cold... I hate living in this area in general. It's sucky. I'm just afraid of losing my family, therapist, and psychiatrist.

Thanks for your reply/replies

[tecomsin]

It sounds like you are weighing the pros and cons in a way that makes sense and I hope you get a really good offer to consider so you have a choice that makes you happy. I know what you mean about being undervalued in the your workplace. Unfortunately often the only thing to do that will change the situation is to switch jobs. Moving across the country away from family can be daunting. But I dont' understand that you are really losing your family. It can be difficult to find a good pdoc and therapist but given that you already have then chances are you can do that again.

Screw Cali...they got extreme tax issues...they’ll tax you for breathing and make you harbor an illegal soon enough...try again elsewhere...and don’t come to Louisiana...they is voted the worst state in the union. Personally...I’d throw a dart at the map and pick two states left, one down and next to the right. Good luck with that. Yes I would split.

[Daonnachd]

Focusing just on familial distance and professional support, I think it's a go, particularly if you're ok with being 3000 miles from mom & dad. You'll be able to find new therapist and pdoc, so that shouldn't keep you from making the move. I would do it.

My BIL, J, works for Google (at their San Jose campus) and it's a nice area. I would have no reservations about finding a friend a home near where J lives.

Disclaimer: I live in the North Bay and love it, so I'm biased.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

One thing to know about sign on bonuses, sometimes they pay you the bonus but you have to work for them a certain period of time before you don't have to re-pay it if you leave. I've turned down several in my day because of this and never regretted it. That may be industry specific, I have no idea, but I do know it felt like a rip-off each time it was offered.

[still_crazy]

hi. i would not personally let mental health professionals dictate your life course, if you can help it. family, maybe...shrinks and therapists? not so much. especially in more urban areas, one should be able to locate new people fairly quickly.

Go for it! If it sounds good during your talk anyways. It sounds good based on what you wrote, and I'm sure they have competent psychiatrists and therapists in the area.

[bizi]

Not that long ago you were experiencing psychosis. How are you now? Did you have med changes or your episode just run its course?
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Reading and not sure of what to say.

I think it's wonderful you are being recruited!

At the same time, I am concerned about recent psychosis.

I already know I will both encourage/support you... AND... feel overly protective of you.

Great responses above!

I'd need to know more about how you feel about this, other than an increase in pay. Maybe it's the move that makes your life more enjoyable? I would think about it in terms of "quality of life."


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Whatever you choose, take your job satisfaction into account. No amount of money is worth a job that sucks.

Thanks guys

Yeah, I do get psychosis sometimes, but as long as I can find a quality psychiatrist and a quality therapist, I think I'll be ok. Rexulti works about 95% of the time.

I wouldn't say this job interview is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but it's a rare opportunity that most people don't get, so I'm taking it very seriously.

The company is one of the Big Four in tech, and it seems like an awesome company to work for. The salary is very competitive as well, so that just makes the job opportunity more enticing. Lots of amazing perks on top of it all. Lots of young people like me, too. So all in all, I'd say it'd be a good fit if I can get the job. I've done a lot of research into the company and what they offer.

But anyway, the first interview is today, in about 2 hours from now.

[amicus_curiae]

Make the move. Depending on where you work there are many inexpensive small towns buffering the SV area.

California has the best — of everything. The freshest fruits and veggies, just caught fish and shellfish, recreational cannabis, the weather, the music, cultural diversity, etc.

Two things:

1. I was born in California and lived here until my dad had to return to the east coast.
2. Take advantage of the opportunity if offered. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life underpaid? You can always return if you wish but you can never wish for another opportunity.

Go for it.

[bizi]

keep us posted, anxious to hear what they have to say.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Interview got rescheduled.

I'll have to give an update tomorrow, if it happens tomorrow. Sucks because I'm so anxious!

[pirilin]

Don't we all.

[tecomsin]

I'm excited for you for your interview. My son is looking for a job atm so I have some first hand although indirect experience of what you are going through. It sounds like a great opportunity and something that could change your life for the better. Most techies dream of working for one of the top firms. A big part of the experience is meeting and working with the other people who are there. Good luck on your interview and try not to worry too much.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

One thing to know about sign on bonuses, sometimes they pay you the bonus but you have to work for them a certain period of time before you don't have to re-pay it if you leave. I've turned down several in my day because of this and never regretted it. That may be industry specific, I have no idea, but I do know it felt like a rip-off each time it was offered.

Lots of people accepted jobs with sign on bonuses and kept looking, found something else and left the company in short order. So they attached strings to the offer. What I don't like about sign on bonuses is that it looks like you are getting a better offer because you think of base + bonus as your first year salary and then when you go in to ask for a raise it will be from base. The second year there may be no bonus and you could end up making less the second year than you did the first even though you got a raise. Asking them to roll it into base pay is a better option that would satisfy your concern and mine.

Ask them to move you. They (one of the major tech cos) moved us when my late husband got the job. They even paid to move my mother because she was dependent.

His old employer was never going to pay what he was worth. Even upon getting his degree, they said it would be a paultry raise.

WTH employers have to be this way, I don’t know.

There are stock options to consider too.