[*Laurie*]

I am diagnosed with BP1. When the East Area Rapist/Golden State Killer was finally arrested last month I truly realized how terribly frightening it was to be a teen exactly at the time, and in the neighborhood, where he was so active with his hideous attacks. That, while there was abuse going on in my own home.

Then I began to feel a bit odd, and I started to wonder about something. Kind of worry about it. I did have parents who came from Brooklyn and were very, very cautious about physical safety and security (A complete irony that my mother married my abusive step-father). Also the security of personal possessions. They really drilled those things into me when I was a child.
That said, I have constant feelings of fear about being watched through my open windows by malicious people. I fear that if I have a conflict with someone they will break into my apartment, vandalize my car, or - worst of all - hurt my cats or let them escape and get lost. I worry about these things pretty much constantly. I even fear that friendly neighbors are only pretending and are secretly planning to break into my apartment when I'm not at home- or that their visitors might do so. I hate feeling like this, because I really like most of my neighbors, and care about them.

I am afraid, too, that someone malicious will call me just to find out if I live at my address (I still use my landline).

I'm wondering what others of you experience as paranoia or PTSD? How can I tell the difference? I'm suddenly feeling upset and freaked out about this.

[bizi]

This sounds like paranoia and a bit OCD but I am not an expert. Do you have a therapist to go to and talk about this?
It is bothering you and interfering with your life. so it is wise to seek professional help.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[*Laurie*]

Thank you very much, bizi. I do have a wonderful therapist, been seeing her since March, and was going to speak with her today about this issue. A few minutes ago, though, her office called and she is out today

My cousin who is 38 now is a war vet. He was a paratrooper in Iraq and was lucky to escape alive, relatively unscathed, considering what happened to his friends. It's a truly awful thing, to see that happen to your friends. It most definitely gave him PTSD and he definitely gets paranoia nowadays. He's got four guns in his house, one of which is a Glock that he puts under his pillow at night. The other three are in hidden areas (which he won't say) "in case someone breaks in and tries to stab me, I will be able to quickly grab a gun." He's constantly paranoid like that. And he's afraid that someone is watching him 24/7 and that he has to "be prepared to escape." He thinks there are cameras, the FBI, etc..

The PTSD hits him real hard and it's heartbreaking.

So imo, I think PTSD can trigger paranoia and vice versa. You could be experiencing both like he does... because I've definitely seen it before. He just gets afraid of little things because they remind him of the PTSD, and that in turn triggers paranoia. Things just ramp up pretty quick with him. He's permanently disabled for those reasons, and he uses his disability money to stock up on protective weapons.

[Wild Coyote]

I agree with bluebicycle, you could be experiencing both paranoia and PTSD.

I get some paranoia, depending on the setting, from C-PTSD. In situations where I am more vulnerable, I fear for my safety/life.

I am sorry you go through this.

Does this ever let up for you?
I hope so.


WC

Bluebicycle- that is so heartbreaking about your cousin, I am so sorry

Laurie - does the paranoia come and go?

I can get a case of it while hypomanic. It’s not constant in hypomania—I’ll have some trigger, it could be reading about burglaries on the neighborhood fb page, and off I’ll go doing something to prevent it. I put fake burglar alarms in the cars, even though they both have real ones

I bought big men’s shoes and put all sorts of large dog clues out (big dog chain and stake out front and back, used large dog toys from thrift shop), and riding baby toys around the yard to make it look like people are home during the day.

The PTSD symptoms are hard to cope with I was abused, neglected, and terrorized when I was a child. I have a hard time with mean authority figures when I’m in powerless situations. I get overwhelmed, anxious, and sometimes dissociate or flee the scene when it’s not appropriate. I’m working on it in therapy.

Oh, I’m paranoid about the mental health support groups with the strangers, too. One man left group five minutes early to stake me out by my car, which freaked me out so I went to a different location and a man there asked me where I worked repeatedly (what street/what intersection) until the leader asked him to stop. I’m just done, I can’t stand strange men, I’m scared.

So, anyway is your paranoia episodic, situational, or truly constant?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by key tones

Bluebicycle- that is so heartbreaking about your cousin, I am so sorry

Laurie - does the paranoia come and go?

I can get a case of it while hypomanic. It’s not constant in hypomania—I’ll have some trigger, it could be reading about burglaries on the neighborhood fb page, and off I’ll go doing something to prevent it. I put fake burglar alarms in the cars, even though they both have real ones

I bought big men’s shoes and put all sorts of large dog clues out (big dog chain and stake out front and back, used large dog toys from thrift shop), and riding baby toys around the yard to make it look like people are home during the day.

The PTSD symptoms are hard to cope with I was abused, neglected, and terrorized when I was a child. I have a hard time with mean authority figures when I’m in powerless situations. I get overwhelmed, anxious, and sometimes dissociate or flee the scene when it’s not appropriate. I’m working on it in therapy.

Oh, I’m paranoid about the mental health support groups with the strangers, too. One man left group five minutes early to stake me out by my car, which freaked me out so I went to a different location and a man there asked me where I worked repeatedly (what street/what intersection) until the leader asked him to stop. I’m just done, I can’t stand strange men, I’m scared.

So, anyway is your paranoia episodic, situational, or truly constant?

(((((( key tones ))))))

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My cousin who is 38 now is a war vet. He was a paratrooper in Iraq and was lucky to escape alive, relatively unscathed, considering what happened to his friends. It's a truly awful thing, to see that happen to your friends. It most definitely gave him PTSD and he definitely gets paranoia nowadays. He's got four guns in his house, one of which is a Glock that he puts under his pillow at night. The other three are in hidden areas (which he won't say) "in case someone breaks in and tries to stab me, I will be able to quickly grab a gun." He's constantly paranoid like that. And he's afraid that someone is watching him 24/7 and that he has to "be prepared to escape." He thinks there are cameras, the FBI, etc..

The PTSD hits him real hard and it's heartbreaking.

So imo, I think PTSD can trigger paranoia and vice versa. You could be experiencing both like he does... because I've definitely seen it before. He just gets afraid of little things because they remind him of the PTSD, and that in turn triggers paranoia. Things just ramp up pretty quick with him. He's permanently disabled for those reasons, and he uses his disability money to stock up on protective weapons.

Blue, I am deeply grateful for your cousin's service. I am very saddened by the price he is paying.

Blue, Key Tones, *Laurie*,
I can get to where I live that level of terror.
I'd be much worse if my H were not around; in fact, he is away for several days and I am being extra careful about running into any PTSD triggers.


WC

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My cousin who is 38 now is a war vet. He was a paratrooper in Iraq and was lucky to escape alive, relatively unscathed, considering what happened to his friends. It's a truly awful thing, to see that happen to your friends. It most definitely gave him PTSD and he definitely gets paranoia nowadays. He's got four guns in his house, one of which is a Glock that he puts under his pillow at night. The other three are in hidden areas (which he won't say) "in case someone breaks in and tries to stab me, I will be able to quickly grab a gun." He's constantly paranoid like that. And he's afraid that someone is watching him 24/7 and that he has to "be prepared to escape." He thinks there are cameras, the FBI, etc..

The PTSD hits him real hard and it's heartbreaking.

So imo, I think PTSD can trigger paranoia and vice versa. You could be experiencing both like he does... because I've definitely seen it before. He just gets afraid of little things because they remind him of the PTSD, and that in turn triggers paranoia. Things just ramp up pretty quick with him. He's permanently disabled for those reasons, and he uses his disability money to stock up on protective weapons.

Thank you very much for sharing that, blue. The poor man. Ugh. My husband of 35 years is a Vietnam vet (he's quite a bit older than I am). He has moderate PTSD and the strange fears are definitely present...more in his dreams than anything else.
What you've posted rings true to me...that ongoing PTSD can trigger paranoia. I strongly suspect that's the case with me.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by key tones

Bluebicycle- that is so heartbreaking about your cousin, I am so sorry

Laurie - does the paranoia come and go?

I can get a case of it while hypomanic. It’s not constant in hypomania—I’ll have some trigger, it could be reading about burglaries on the neighborhood fb page, and off I’ll go doing something to prevent it. I put fake burglar alarms in the cars, even though they both have real ones

I bought big men’s shoes and put all sorts of large dog clues out (big dog chain and stake out front and back, used large dog toys from thrift shop), and riding baby toys around the yard to make it look like people are home during the day.

The PTSD symptoms are hard to cope with I was abused, neglected, and terrorized when I was a child. I have a hard time with mean authority figures when I’m in powerless situations. I get overwhelmed, anxious, and sometimes dissociate or flee the scene when it’s not appropriate. I’m working on it in therapy.

Oh, I’m paranoid about the mental health support groups with the strangers, too. One man left group five minutes early to stake me out by my car, which freaked me out so I went to a different location and a man there asked me where I worked repeatedly (what street/what intersection) until the leader asked him to stop. I’m just done, I can’t stand strange men, I’m scared.

So, anyway is your paranoia episodic, situational, or truly constant?

I'm so sorry, kt. That sounds miserable for you.

No, my paranoia never goes away. I mean, sitting here at my computer in the broad daylight I feel better...though not entirely so. I feel that someone is watching me from across the street, and that person has bad intentions. (Whoa, that sounds crazy!)
I will take a walk soon and the paranoia will start in...Someone is going to attack me; Someone will break into or vandalize my car; (and the worst) While I'm gone someone will break into my apartment and let my cats run away...so on and so forth.


It doesn't seem to be especially connected to my bipolar states, although it does get a bit more intense if I'm manic or depressed (but then, so does everything else).

I was also raised in a home in which, after the age of 6, I was abused in every way abuse happens, and terrorized. I became extremely depressed and anxious all of the time. By the time I was a teen I was showing hypomanic signs and was reckless and wild.

WC, I've lived alone for the past 3 years for the fist time in my life. I actually like living alone (with my cats), but of course I'm more on alert.

[Wild Coyote]

*Laurie,*

I am glad you can live alone. I used to live alone. I've been seriously attacked a couple of times since then. I have gotten worse and I have to have my German Shepherds and more around me if home alone... or walking alone.

The worst part is, I do not have my service dog (no dogs) right now. She has passed on. I am looking into another one, very carefully. I'm very careful about choosing a dog, esp. a German Shepherd. I want excellent temperament, etc. It will take a considerable amount of time.

My mom lives with us, so she is here even if H traveling. However, I am the family watchdog anyway, even if he is home.

I cannot have an inpatient sleep study because I am too hypervigilant.
I cannot sleep at night, often, no matter where I sleep. Home is better than away anywhere.

I am sorry you live with similar types of challenge, too.


WC

[*Laurie*]

WC, I am so sorry your service dog passed away.

I hope with all my heart that you eventually find a wonderful service pup.

Laurie - ongoing, oh man, I am so sorry. I hate that feeling, I know it’s hard That panicky feeling is just hard to convey...:hugs;

I agree-it’s my PTSD symptoms that are triggered regardless of mood states. I can’t cope with. I remember some scary things from a very young age.

Wild Coyote-oh no, I’m really sorry to hear what happened to you I’m sorry about your service dog too

My step father had a German Shepherd. He had a great temperament around him. I wasn’t able to handle the dog very well. I was absolutely safe with him, though. He would protect me. I used to take him for walks. Well, pretty much, though, he walked me.

I had a boy over once when no one was home. That poor boy shifted around, scared in his seat because the dog sat staring at him with a low growl going. That boy didn’t stay long, LOL.

If anyone asks me what kind of dog I have (dog props) I just say a German Shepherd

[pirilin]

It is paranoia or PTSD. Your choice.

[wiretwister]

I used to have all the guns ... carried them all the time ... even took one to my first pdoc visit (it was my last with him - his call not mine) ... slept with guns under my pillow ... knew cars were following me ... used to drive very fast to "lose" them ...

I really do not know why , when or how ... but one day I decided if they want me they can have me ... and I just gave up and gave in to the fear ... there was nothing they could do to me that was worst than I was doing to myself ... it is a very fatalistic view .. but I am just waiting for them to get me ... strange as it seems I can live with that ... my last psychologist said I was suffering from ptsd over my childhood ... but I really am not sure about that ... either way it is only paranoia until they get you ... then it is fact ... JMO... one really badly damaged tigger ...