[xRavenx]

I'm feeling really stuck, on the verge of a panic attack, and wanting to hide.

During this last manic episode, I was saying all kinds of cringe-worthy things to people and have been outspoken to the point of being harsh and a little bit obnoxious. I feel myself crashing, and I am feeling so guilty.
At work, although I've had some legitimate issues, I don't think I've handled them the best to my ability. While speaking to others at work, I have been too impulsive and crass. Not mean towards anyone, but I've said things that I shouldn't have said to co-workers (not all the time, but enough to want to just put my head under a pillow and hide for life). There have also been times I've had an excessive amount of confidence, and this has influenced my behavior negatively. When I take guilt to the extreme, my depression gets really bad, I get horrible anxiety, and really self-destructive, unable to let go.

I don't know if I am overthinking things or not, but I hope that I am able to go back to my normal self, and this will be forgotten. I don't want to have to change jobs, out of embarrassment. I'm very sensitive to change and feel lucky to have a job. However, this has taken a toll on me, and I feel I need to numb myself with Klonopin to make this all go away, but that's not a solution.

Please help... I need encouragement and any kind of advice after going through this period of mania with some guilt.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I'm feeling really stuck, on the verge of a panic attack, and wanting to hide.

During this last manic episode, I was saying all kinds of cringe-worthy things to people and have been outspoken to the point of being harsh and a little bit obnoxious. I feel myself crashing, and I am feeling so guilty.
At work, although I've had some legitimate issues, I don't think I've handled them the best to my ability. While speaking to others at work, I have been too impulsive and crass. Not mean towards anyone, but I've said things that I shouldn't have said to co-workers (not all the time, but enough to want to just put my head under a pillow and hide for life). There have also been times I've had an excessive amount of confidence, and this has influenced my behavior negatively. When I take guilt to the extreme, my depression gets really bad, I get horrible anxiety, and really self-destructive, unable to let go.

I don't know if I am overthinking things or not, but I hope that I am able to go back to my normal self, and this will be forgotten. I don't want to have to change jobs, out of embarrassment. I'm very sensitive to change and feel lucky to have a job. However, this has taken a toll on me, and I feel I need to numb myself with Klonopin to make this all go away, but that's not a solution.

Please help... I need encouragement and any kind of advice after going through this period of mania with some guilt.

Hi xRavenx,
I’m still IP with mania although I’m occasionally dropping to normal.
I’ve also reached the stage of occasional guilt. I’ve really hurt my husband when manic and he hasn’t smiled for approx 10 days.
I don’t know how to fix things.
Maybe as we continue to improve mental health-wise the answers will come to us.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Hi xRavenx,
I’m still IP with mania although I’m occasionally dropping to normal.
I’ve also reached the stage of occasional guilt. I’ve really hurt my husband when manic and he hasn’t smiled for approx 10 days.
I don’t know how to fix things.
Maybe as we continue to improve mental health-wise the answers will come to us.

Thanks for responding... So sorry to hear that you are IP. Usually guilt makes me crash into this whole pattern of going from mania to deep depression, so I really hope I can keep my head above water. I agree, hopefully we'll learn ways to be more forgiving of ourselves to be able to move forward and make some healthy changes. It's so hard to not be able to go back and change things and having to face certain people and situations. I wish I had the ability to not be so hard on myself, but it's just the way I am.

I suppose it's the nature of this illness, and it's going to take time.
I wish you well as you heal.