[yellow_fleurs]

Hi, something has been bothering me and I wanted to ask your opinions and about your experiences. I have never self harmed really that I remember until recently. I think maybe I have lightly hit my head against a wall in frustration kind of thing, but not really to especially hurt myself. Also had anorexia, so kind of harmed myself that way. But, when this episode of depression and anxiety hit, I started to have those urges for the first time mixed with SI. Then when I got in a mixed episode on Lexapro it intensified an I have very violent thoughts towards myself, and ended up punching my arm/head and scratching myself. Nothing too extreme, although I did want to do more I avoided it. When I find myself getting irritable/raging I sometimes lose control for a moment and punch an object or myself, and then usually stop myself. It's worse when I am so irritable I can barely sit still to the point where it is painful.

Just wondering if anyone else experiences this in certain mood episodes. When I look it up, it is more associated with other disorders, which I know can be comorbid with bipolar disorder. The thing is, I haven't experienced this before, and there have been a couple of times when my mood as felt stable that I have not wanted to do this at all. Any input is welcome, as I find it confusing. I have explained it all to my pdoc, so not asking for a diagnosis and hopefully it gets better when I am stable. Thanks as always!

[Victoria'smom]

I only SI in episode I think SI is more common in disorders then is currently talked about. Here is the best coping skills list I can find. Maybe prepare an activities box with calming stuff (lotion) to quickly turn to if you get SI thoughts.

[yellow_fleurs]

Thanks, I will check out the link! My therapist recommended a few things like holding ice cubes and as I have become more aware of my moods I can often redirect it. Sometimes it just feels super impulsive, if I am already feeling really impulsive in general, but hoping I can become better at dealing with it in a healthier way.