[yellow_fleurs]

My friends and family can't stop telling me how great I look and seem. This has been going on since I was doing very poorly starting last fall semester. It is nice to hear that I look great, actually, but it kind of makes me feel like I am just faking everything. Like, I am doing great, everything is great, and I just need to start acting like it. I went to lunch with an old friend and told her both the good and bad of what's been going on in my life. She said she was glad I was doing so well except for this little issue I have been having that seems like it is getting worked out. I don't feel she is wrong, but at the same time feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing. I then wonder if I am just acting unwell in front of my psychiatrist, and am really fine. Has anyone experienced something like this?

I actually hate this

especially when they take it one step further and say something like

" having bipolar must be a lot of fun"

waaaaa?

their's more than just the outside let me tell you

I also have issues with my body and when people say I look great it just freaks me out!

what's so awesome about a female shrek

[Blueberrybook]

People told me I looked great for a long while after I lost some weight, then stopped it promptly when I got down too low. No one knew I had a problem with depression, self-harm, not sleeping. I only finally told someone after I had passed out in the shower after something ridiculous like a 3 hour run and felt I couldn’t make it to my morning classes at university that day. Even then, despite being gaunt and underweight, people didn’t seem to realize that I feljt miserable inside. At that time, I worked a part-time job in the university’s government documents section. Overall, it was a boring part of the library to work, unless you got lucky enough to reshelve books (and even then, government document books have a different type coding from Dewey Decimal or fiction; you had to pass a test to get reshelving duties. Anyway, the main reason it was boring was because there were hardly any patrons at all...this in one of the largest universities in the state of Texas. I had a coworker; she was Vietnamese and tiny. One day she approached me and said she was jealous of how thin I was and wished she could be so skinny! And I was thinking, no you do not. You don’t want to be running 5 hours a day, eating an apple and exactly 1 cup of dry Cheerios for lunch, and maybe a low cal TV dinner for supper if you felt you had done all your daily exercise. You don’t want to not sleep for days wish you were better at making yourself throw up so you could eat more and exercise less, wish you’d never wake up, or be as miserable as I am.

But people will see only what they want to see. Though it IS important to realize that nobody is a mind reader. If you are acting happy on the surface, they often don’t see past the charade.

I rarely go out or visit anyone when I'm very unwell, but when I do, I have a tendency to put on an "OK face". I can definitely smile and joke even when I feel like hell two minutes after leaving their sight. Though at my very worst, at my old job, I did start saying that I felt like hell or was "horrible" rather than giving the customary "I'm fine, and you?" responses, but I'm back to the "I'm fine" again, unless I feel really good at which time I'm "great".


I often appear differently in front of my psychiatrist than other people. For one thing, I have a love transference for him, so often act excitable in front of him. Or if I'm doing poorly, I somehow seem extra bad off when I'm with him. I think he knows this, though, so after many years he knows how to gauge my moods.

[Scooter9]

I get similar feedback - that I'm looking great and seem to be great too. I think it's a little bit of two things going on: I'm good at hiding what's really going on, and the people that say those things are not very perceptive.

Depending on how close those people are to you, I wouldn't put too much stock in what they have to say.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I rarely go out or visit anyone when I'm very unwell, but when I do, I have a tendency to put on an "OK face". I can definitely smile and joke even when I feel like hell two minutes after leaving their sight. Though at my very worst, at my old job, I did start saying that I felt like hell or was "horrible" rather than giving the customary "I'm fine, and you?" responses, but I'm back to the "I'm fine" again, unless I feel really good at which time I'm "great".


I often appear differently in front of my psychiatrist than other people. For one thing, I have a love transference for him, so often act excitable in front of him. Or if I'm doing poorly, I somehow seem extra bad off when I'm with him. I think he knows this, though, so after many years he knows how to gauge my moods.

I can't do that (put on a front)
people just have to deal with it- and if they don't like how I'm feeling it is their issue

[yellow_fleurs]

Thanks for the responses. It is interesting to hear your thoughts and experiences. I think it might be for me a combination of putting on a front, being in somewhat better physical health than I have been in the past due to some chronic health issues, and the fact that instead of being my usual tired, sad depressed self I have been having issues with mixed states and I think some hypomania so depending on when you see me I might seem really peppy, but also could be feeling awful inside. It's just strange how many people, even people I am pretty close to, started saying this to me recently. They seem so genuinely happy for me, and I am like I almost checked myself into a hospital a month ago. Then I wonder if I just am making everything up in my head.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I actually hate this

especially when they take it one step further and say something like

" having bipolar must be a lot of fun"

waaaaa?

their's more than just the outside let me tell you

That's ridiculous that people think it would be fun.