[Blueberrybook]

I wasn't able to go running 2 days in a row (too exhausted the first day, raining the next). I always, always go running in the morning, before the sun comes up, and it is still dark outside (probably some risky behavior there, a lone woman running in the dark). Normally, I run 6 miles or so, mabye 7. Today, I pounded out 10 miles on the payment, though I had to work hard for the last 0.75 part of the 10th mile, but there was no way I was quitting at 9.25 miles.

I don't know if this behavior is caused by hypomania (I think I am a bit), OCD (hate changes to my routine), extra anxiety pent up from not running or the stupid eating disorder. Maybe all of them combined?

[yellow_fleurs]

I am sorry you are struggling with that. It's hard sometimes I think to figure out what is causing what, but I am sure there could be a combination of factors. I have a much stronger urge to workout when my anxiety is up or I have excess energy, but when I was still dealing with an ED and exercising to an obsessive degree, it really raised my anxiety if I missed a day. They sort of fed off each other I think, because then I would start to fixate on not being able to workout because of my anxiety and also think that was the only way to deal with how I felt. I would also start to feel like I was bloated or something from not exercising, but was probably just obsessing over how my body felt. Can you try something else like meditation, cleaning, yoga, or distracting yourself with a mentally enjoyable/engaging activity? I think redirecting the energy could be useful. It often helps me.

[Tucson]

With me I think it is some type of OCD. Running ten miles? Walking that far would be an accomplishment for me. The best I can do is to run intervals where I still spend most of my time walking, but fast. I still am exhausted by the end of each mile. I do not know how you do it.

[*Laurie*]

Do you post at all on the Eating Disorders board? I'm thinking that board might be helpful for you.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Do you post at all on the Eating Disorders board? I'm thinking that board might be helpful for you.

Yes, but it is not very active at all. The ED forum I used to post at hardly has any traffic at all now as well.

[bizi]

sounds like this could be a combination of things. sorry that you are struggling.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[UpDownAround]

I obsess. I obsessed about running when I ran; my knees are too torn up and arthritic now. I went from being overweight, out of shape and a non runner on New Year's day of 2013 to running a half marathon in 2:08 in mid October of that year, weighing about 60 pounds less. I usually didn't run every day. i would run 6-10 miles 3 or 4 times a week. If I didn't run 2 days in a row, I nearly always ran ~10 the 3rd day. i am not sure I can offer much help. Right now I obsess over paddling and my diet.

Running alone in the dark is clearly placing yourself in danger, especially if you have a consistent route. My hypomanic danger behaviors tend to be more one off actions

I had an ED and maybe still do to some degree. I gained back all the weight I lost in 2013 but then lost it again from last September through March of this year. I have been maintaining the loss since then but have lost another 10 pounds below goal for 70 total. My BMI is still above 23, so I haven't gone too far. In both of my big losses and several smaller ones, I stared out practically starving myself and losing weight very quickly. In 2013, I did that for the entire loss. Once I finished losing, I would go right back into binge behavior and gain it all back. This time I was talked into eating healthier and slowing down the loss in early December. I have been tracking calories consumed and expended pretty obsessively. The good news is that works; I haven't gained any weight back. The bad news is that it is another obsession. I am committed to stop losing about where I am now. I am at a healthy weigh and exercise enough that I am in good shape.

I am not sure I have any good answers for you. As far as ED goes, obsessing over my calories burned and consumed is better than the binge and starve cycles. It is still an obsession, but I am not sure we can ever not have them. I think the best we can do is find healthy ones.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I obsess. I obsessed about running when I ran; my knees are too torn up and arthritic now. I went from being overweight, out of shape and a non runner on New Year's day of 2013 to running a half marathon in 2:08 in mid October of that year, weighing about 60 pounds less. I usually didn't run every day. i would run 6-10 miles 3 or 4 times a week. If I didn't run 2 days in a row, I nearly always ran ~10 the 3rd day. i am not sure I can offer much help. Right now I obsess over paddling and my diet.

Running alone in the dark is clearly placing yourself in danger, especially if you have a consistent route. My hypomanic danger behaviors tend to be more one off actions

I had an ED and maybe still do to some degree. I gained back all the weight I lost in 2013 but then lost it again from last September through March of this year. I have been maintaining the loss since then but have lost another 10 pounds below goal for 70 total. My BMI is still above 23, so I haven't gone too far. In both of my big losses and several smaller ones, I stared out practically starving myself and losing weight very quickly. In 2013, I did that for the entire loss. Once I finished losing, I would go right back into binge behavior and gain it all back. This time I was talked into eating healthier and slowing down the loss in early December. I have been tracking calories consumed and expended pretty obsessively. The good news is that works; I haven't gained any weight back. The bad news is that it is another obsession. I am committed to stop losing about where I am now. I am at a healthy weigh and exercise enough that I am in good shape.

I am not sure I have any good answers for you. As far as ED goes, obsessing over my calories burned and consumed is better than the binge and starve cycles. It is still an obsession, but I am not sure we can ever not have them. I think the best we can do is find healthy ones.

Thanks for understanding. EDs just suck. I don't think people can understand how bad they are unless you have been there yourself. And many past ED-NOS people with normal BMIs still struggle with restriction, binge-eating, purging. The DSM-V has a lot of new classifications for eating disorders and reclassified the guidelines for anorexia as well (don't have to be a certain BMI, just thin, don't have to lose your menstrual cycle if a woman, then all the other stuff is the same, I think). So I guess I went back from ED-NOS to anorexia (still have my period). Mine started when I was 19 and comes & goes & I'm 40 now.

I have a low BMI, and the physician's assistant was not happy with me when I came in recently for a UTI (BMI of 17). He was practically throwing nutritionist info & flyers at me. Though he is new to the clinic. I don't think my PCP would have over-reacted like that as I've been seeing her for 14 years, she's seen me in all kinds of shape, but she didn't have any appointments that day, and I wanted relief ASAP, though she might have sent me for bloodwork, who knows.

And still I don't want to gain the weight back. I don't count calories, fortunately, but I'm not prone to binge eating, and I don't have trouble with gaining weight on most meds like some people do. I am obsessively running, 10 miles a lot of days, and then walking on top of that, especially if I have to get groceries or something. Besides the weight loss, this obsessive running/walking takes up a lot of time when I could be doing other stuff (i.e., sleeping). The amount of calories I burn just is consistently more than I eat.

I need to make an effort and either eat more or exercise less or a combo of both. Sigh.

[Movingon69]

My runs are good indicators of my mood swings. If I don't run or struggle to get in 3-4 miles I know depression is setting in. If I sleep 6-8 hours and I knock out 6-10 I'm stable. If I get no sleep and knock out 10 miles I'm in hypomania.

The rain has been sucky for running. I've been compensating with weight work through the rain.