[pixiedust72]

I've spent some time recently wondering about the possibility of having bipolar 2 instead of just depression. I have to admit it would be a relief to be able to put a true name to what's going on since "depression" is extremely common and can be used to describe a state that lasts as little as two weeks. Mine can last months or years (which I know is typical for some). I also have anxiety. I wonder sometimes what exactly hypomania is and what the difference is between that and just feeling not depressed. Like if I go through periods of depression for months then being "happy" for months, is that just part of being human or could it be another disorder?

[LostSoul74]

When I was finally diagnosed, it came at a point where mentally, I snapped. I couldn't readily control my actions, stop the racing thoughts, or rationalize well. Bipolar is the typical fluctuation between the Mania and Depression stages. The duration, frequency, and severity of these stages is what determines the specific type of Bipolar you may have. Typical Mania behaviors are those that are typically rationalized and controlled under normal circumstances, but can easily become uncontrollable and life altering if left untreated. Some typical behaviors can include the involvement in unusual risky behaviors, financial irresponsibility, sexual promiscuity, and agressive/assertive behaviors. Mania stages seem to amplify the natural curiosities and tenancies to partake excessively and (almost) uncontrollably.
On to depression... if kept unchecked, it can consume you. There is no set time frame for any one episode and the intensity varies as well. Unfortunately, if left untreated, it becomes a vicious cycle of poor behavior choices leading to regret and depression for those associated behaviors. Nothing will excite or interest you while in this stage, but it is important to try to pursue SOMETHING that could help deviate your thoughts. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones... if you are diagnosed, encourage them to read up on bipolar so they can understand the struggles both and them will go through. A support system is important...
Finally... it took 2 hospitalizations, 3 Psychatrists, and numerous therapists to determine I am Bipolar. Mine was an extreme case that came about under heavy stress and duress. While its great to finally have an accurate diagnosis (Doctors thought it was 'Seasonal Depression' and Social anxiety), it does label you in public opinion, insurance circles, and medical fields. I take 4+ medicines, see a Psychiatrist every 3mo. and a therapist bi-weekly. But, I'm able to treat it and recognize it WAY more effectivly than before. It's a give and take relationship while finally having some piece of mind... I hope this info helps. :-)

[Moose72]

I had been diagnosed with depression for years until I had some derealization and my primary referred me to psych. But really I had symptoms many years before that that noone caught. It took them many years STILL at the psych office to get my diagnosis right: first it was bipolar NOS and finally bipolar 1. But as I say that that took years. My first diagnosis after depression was PMDD!

My Dx was pretty fast.

I was diagnosed with depression in 2013 at my university's counseling place. I didn't believe them, so I pretty much ran away. I also didnt tell them the 100% truth.

I came crawling back 2 years later (except this time to a private practice) and told them all of my symptoms, which indicated bipolar. They looked at my previous record and said "how come your old psychological evaluation doesn't say bipolar?" So they treated me for depression by giving me an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic. Made me manic af.

I've done 3 evaluations since then (for various reasons) and they've all pointed to some form of bipolar. Now my official Dx is Bipolar 1 with mood-incongruent psychotic features.

[BastetsMuse]

I was diagnosed with depression and put on Paxil, then I went to full blown mania (BP1) and ended up inpatient. When the psychiatrist told me I had bipolar I, my big reaction was "is there something I can take for this?" And there was..... so I became mostly med compliant on the spot. Beat the hell unmedicated bipolar is.

I was diagnosed with depression. Then I walked into my doctors office and he looked at me differently. He asked me a bunch of questions. Let me tell you I was feeling on top of the world, like I could fly. I excitedly told him i barely needed to sleep and I had tons of energy and so forth and so on. He informed me i was manic and it shocked me. I didnt see it at all. I was sent to a psychiatrist to confirm. I was actually still convinced she would tell me my family doctor was wrong. Instead i got a bipolar 1 diagnosis. Never saw it coming.

I was diagnosed with manic depression (the name the psychiatrist at that time called it) about 15 years ago. I had never heard of it or the term bipolar disorder before that. When I was diagnosed at that time, I did look at the pamphlet the psychiatrist gave me on the illness, but discounted it completely. He wanted to switch my medication from Lexapro to Lamictal, but I basically told him I wasn't interested. I was obviously at least hypomanic at the time, which is what led him to diagnose me bipolar in the first place. I stopped taking all medication, and didn't see him again for almost 1.5 years, when all hell broke loose.

Before seeing the psychiatrist mentioned above, I had seen various general practitioners, a university psychiatrist, and a hospital psychiatrist in Taiwan. I only saw them when I was in either a depressed state or anxious/depressed state. They obviously just thought I was depressed/anxious, so gave me an antidepressant, which I took for maybe 2 days to 2 weeks max. In all cases, I believe I switched to at least hypomanic, but in a couple of cases full blown manic. I had ZERO insight into my manic states. Zero!

Fifteen years before my initial diagnosis of manic depression (bipolar disorder), I knew I was ill mentally. I was only 15 years old at the time. I knew nothing about mental illnesses at all. I remember looking in a book in my school's library and thinking I might have schizophrenia. I didn't tell anyone that. Soon after I was sent to a therapist, but I only saw him twice and everyone just thought I had severe teenage strife. Odd behaviors were ignored. I had always had periods of super energy, outbursts, and impulsivity, so everyone assumed that was "just me". My father was very similar, so that "way" was "in the family". My paternal grandmother had had very worrisome psychosis, but she refused to see a psychiatrist my grandfather took her to. She made him take her home. No one pursued additional help for her. That was sort of the family way, unless they were forced to do things.

All of the depressions/anxiety I had as a youth were to me, no different than a really severe flu. It came on, I tolerated it (maybe went to the doctor about it), it went away, I thought it was gone. It obviously did become a recurring issue, but I never thought it was a permanent illness. Before age 32, I think I only had 5 significant depressions that affected my life negatively. Looking back knowing what I know now, low-level hypomanias were actually much more frequent and long-lasting. By 32, I believe I had had at least 2-3 full blown manias, but even with them, I had no insight. I recall that both times I was fairly on my own, with no one really there to have concern enough to do anything. Again, my behavior in my life was already set at a higher level than most. It's amazing how some people just believe that is your "norm" or just only above your "norm". But my "norm" did affect my life. It affected my ability to retain and make new friends. It ruined a deep romantic relationship. It caused me to abuse alcohol. It put me in some rather dangerous situations.

I didn't accept my bipolar diagnosis until I was 34 years old. At that time, I finally learned what in the heck the disorder was. It was then clearer that my past behavior "fit" the diagnosis. If it was't 100% clear, then it became so because between 34-38 years old, and some periods after, I had the worst manic episodes of my life, many with psychosis. Then that period brought on the most severe depression of my life.

After these 15 years, I have started to understand what true stability is all about. That knowledge helps me gain more insight to even hypomanic episodes. I'll confess that sometimes the earliest stages are still not obvious, but usually they become so soon after. My family, particularly my husband, has more insight, too. Really, he was the first person to actually acknowledge I had something "wrong" when in manic phases. He said he once called my mother to express concern about my behavior, but my mother (assuming that behavior was just me, or a "phase") told him with a laugh that it would pass, and that I was often like that. Eventually, he learned his first instincts were right. My mother never knew, because she died about 6 months before my first hospitalization. My dad was either in a denial or it scared him too much. Dad never visited me even once during my 10 hospitalizations, despite living nearby. It was the same denial/fear he had when his mother became severely ill. He, himself, clearly has issues that he's in denial about.

[pirilin]

I know I'm not. I can consider MDD. Not bipolar.
Because my highs have always being provocated by artificial enhancement. Never expontaneous.

At my age, as my good friend Laurie said, nobody knows me better than thyself.

Good luck. Cheers.

[Unrigged64072835]

I was diagnosed with depression until 2013, when my old pdoc put me on Lamictal. After that it was bipolar 1. I felt I had bipolar before but couldn't explain the manias.

[*Laurie*]

All of my life - I mean since childhood - I have been told I was "way too intense, eccentric, weird, changeable, and that I take things too seriously". For example, if I sense an injustice toward someone/something I lose my mind and fight to right the injustice. I mean, I will fight injustice until I'm completely drained and feel sick. To me, that feels like my God-given responsibility. I hear music in my mind constantly and see vivid colors. Everything feels alive to me and everything has a personality. Besides animals and people, this is especially true of trees. I have way up's, moderate downs, severe anxiety, anger, rage, and an immense amount of passion. The world never looks real to me.

So for those reasons and maybe more I have been diagnosed with BD and put on medication.

[~Christina]

Didn’t read your whole thread ... but have a physical with full blood work to rule out thyroid and hormones, could factor into your mood episodes

i only knew when I got the diagnoses

I remember leaning back in the chair and thinking... oh, right. so it's got a name then, I'm not as crazy as I thought (as I thought I was the only person with the issues)

sort of a relief to hear if i'm honest

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was dxd depression for years. I began to question if it could be bp around age 19 when I learned about it. The dr told me I didn't wanna go any further bc the meds id be put on we're not good and surely I didn't want that. I left it alone.

Later a couple years went by and a pdoc insaw for being suicidsl
Dxd me with bipolar. Every dr since has agreed except my psyd who says schizoaffective bp type.

[Blueberrybook]

I had some early clues - insomnia, up and downs, hypersexuality (though in this case it was masturbating, which they don't ask you about), overspending, an eating disorder (usually accompanied by depression or bipolar).

They diagnosed me with depression, I think because my weight was their major worry, and they didn't stop to ask question s until later.

I recently got the medical records from my old pdoc of 10 years. After 1 year, maybe a bit less, she changed my diagnosis from post-partum depression to bipolar II. I guess I should have clued in when she gave me Abilify; I never even knew. Then, I had a big, major break, hypergraphia, emailing people at 2 AM like it was no big deal (about business related matters and such), going like I had an IV straight of strong coffee shooting into me, several day of no sleep, interrupting everyone trying to talk to me, talking loudly...it was bad.

Yeah, since the pdoc witnessed most of that, I ended up Bipolar Type I. I think it might also have been part of why my eating disorder was so focused on the extremes of overexercising, why I didn't just collapse on the side of the road during those long runs I did several times each day, that part of it was driven by the hypomania.

That episode nearly got me thrown in the psych hospital, but my husband begged the pdoc for some stronger sleep meds (and she was a big believer in sleep bringing mania down) and a couple of days, and the next time he brought me there, I still wasn't normal, but I'd gotten back to hypomanic, which was a huge improvment.

[hexacoda]

Mania for me was when I stopped sleeping, had grandiose beliefs about myself (thought I had special spiritual knowledge) and others (thought someone was in love with me), started contacting people I barely knew and telling them inappropriate things, and eventually hallucinations and delusions. That's when I was put in the hospital for two weeks. Twice. I had episodes of depression for many years but it was only when I found out what mania was that I realized I was bipolar. By that time I was already on an anti-psychotic with an anti-depressant and my Dr said the medications I was on (that were working well) could be used for bipolar disorder. I had been diagnosed in the hospital with major depressive disorder with psychotic symptoms, but they didn't know about the mania then.

[rwwff]

I was depressed but undiagnosed for a few months, decided to get help "soon", but then got better, much much better really quickly; went to see a psychiatrist anyway and she called it manic and bipolar 1. Got me started on meds that day and I was feeling kinda normal within a couple weeks. She did let me go without hospitalization, which I'm grateful for, even if it did mean I had to struggle a bit for a week or two to not do anything too stupid.

Still kinda miss how good it felt, but it really wasn't a good thing for work and life in general, so....

[cashart10]

I was diagnosed with mdd at 14 and, after much, much bizarre behavior and what was then rapid mood changes, was diagnosed with bp at age 15. I must admit that at the time I didn’t believe I actually had it but I was young and I thought the label made me unique so I liked having it. When I got better, drastically better, I truly believed I never had it and walked away from my pdoc and meds completely. Then I had a major psychotic break at 28 which was followed by 3-4 years of pure hell. Now, I could only wish that I didn’t have that label!!! Bp is a horrible illness.

Talk it over with your doctor and I second the suggestion of having a full blood check because certain things, like issues with your thyroid, can mimic the illness.

[scatterbrained04]

I ended up having a depressive episode with mixed features. So I had severe depression but with racing thoughts, energy, needing little sleep, impulsivity, high anxiety, etc. To me, that's when I knew I didn't have just depression.

I'm BP2. Hypomania can come out as a lot of irritability, anger, energy, anxiety, etc. Or euphoric hypomania to me comes out as being a lot more motivated at work, getting a lot more done in general, being a lot more into hobbies, cleaning and organizing a lot, being more social, more into sex, maybe spending a lot more money. Racing thoughts, etc. Maybe sleeping less. A period of energy that is higher than my normal basically.

[Tucson]

I originally was diagnosed with MDD. I knew I have done some impulsive crazy things when a teenager, including having boundless energy at times when young. When I look back at it now, many of the signs were there for Bipolar when very young. When I became older, there were episodes that disrupted work, mostly from depression. Then much more recently I lost two jobs in a row. This just does not happen to me. I did not understand what was happening to me. In particular, I did not understand the behavior of mine that lead to my job losses. So I started to investigate this. I then went to a couple pdocs that diagnosed me as Bipolar, including one with a reputation as being a specialist in this mental disorder. I tried to get back into consulting with a large law firm but I was not successful. I crashed. I could no longer work. I needed the money. Now I have been on SSDI for quite a while.

PS I even medicated myself with psychotropics before going to my first pdoc. I was successful to my surprise. However, I quickly decided I was taking unnecessary risks, so I then went to my first pdoc. This later proved to be a very wise decision.

[Olga123]

Hi

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar early this year. I was psychotic and I thought I was a Saint Olga who came to save the world from crisis of loneliness and pain. It was very weird experience and I have been hospitalised and later diagnosed. I saw strange creatures outside my house including Sphynx from Egypt. They were protecting me and my daughter. Now I'm on medication but it needs to be adjusted to the correct dosage. It was very traumatic journey since the meds wasn't suitable so I had to change my meds twice so far. It required another hospitalisation. Every day is a struggle with my brain. I find it still difficult but thankful to be stay alive after what I have been through. Hopefully things will improve soon. Hugs xxx

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Olga123

Hi

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar early this year. I was psychotic and I thought I was a Saint Olga who came to save the world from crisis of loneliness and pain. It was very weird experience and I have been hospitalised and later diagnosed. I saw strange creatures outside my house including Sphynx from Egypt. They were protecting me and my daughter. Now I'm on medication but it needs to be adjusted to the correct dosage. It was very traumatic journey since the meds wasn't suitable so I had to change my meds twice so far. It required another hospitalisation. Every day is a struggle with my brain. I find it still difficult but thankful to be stay alive after what I have been through. Hopefully things will improve soon. Hugs xxx

Hi Olga, I know that you're recently dx'ed. Maybe you already know this, but just in case I want to mention that having to do med changes and a lot of adjusting is common with psych disorders. It seems especially so with BD, maybe because the disorder is so changeable.

[Travelinglady]

I didn't have a bipolar episode until I started taking antidepressants and went into mania. I didn't know what was happening until I was diagnosed.

I'll skip my dx story. And maybe I'll come back later to read through others' stories, but I quickly wanted to say that's wise advice from Christina -- be sure they rule out any physical causes first.

The other thing I wanted to say, because you wonder if your being happy is hypomania... The thing to know about hypomania is that it needs to be problematic in your life. Excesses and stupid decisions with negative repercussions causing damage in your life for example. The behaviors also need to be atypical to your regular personality.

Hope that helps some.

[IronButterflyWings]

I hadn't even heard of bipolar at first and was diagnosed as a multitude of different things. I was just getting worse because of the meds, and when I met with a new psychiatrist she quickly saw that I had bipolar. Which made 100% sense, especially since the type of medication I was on, isn't good for people with bipolar. It just made everything worse. I owe a lot to that doctor.

[BipolaRNurse]

I first suspected bipolar when my sister picked up a copy of Jane Pauley's book Skywriting: A Life Out Of the Blue and said "I think you have that". I took a look at it and had to agree. But even as a nurse, I knew little about bipolar except you had to take lithium for it, and I did know enough about the drug that I didn't want it.

So I never bothered to get myself checked out until about 10 years later, when my internist said he wasn't going to treat me for depression anymore until I saw a psychiatrist. Funnily enough, no one in my family was surprised when I got the diagnosis, nor were my friends or co-workers. Like my sister, they'd all known for years that I was 'off'---impulsive, irritable, anxious, energetic, moody, depressed, erratic, and so on. Still, it took a long time for me to accept the diagnosis, and even to this day I occasionally question it (which is usually a reliable sign of incipient mania).