[Daonnachd]

Context: I work 12 hours per week. That's pretty close to my max given the regular ECT. The treatments don't just take up time, they screw with my mind. I'm well-suited to sitting at a desk in a cemetery.


Current situation: My father-in-law just sent me a list of approximately 30 full time jobs. He clearly feels I'm not doing all that I should be.

My quandry: In my heart I know I'm maxed, but some of the jobs looked like they might be possible even with ECT. Of course, any new job would have to be informed of the regular time off I'd need for treatments. I'm not even sure I could perform the requisite tasks of a higher paying job. Nor do I know that I could endure a 40 hour week. So I ask the opinions of you who understand the suffering and challenges we live with: Should I try to find a new job? Should I tell my FIL that he clearly doesn't comprehend the hell in which I live and has gone too far by implying I'm not doing all I can?

Thanks for your perspectives on this.

Your father-in-law should maybe keep his nose out of your business, I think. What are your spouse's views on this? She is the only person you need to talk to unless your father-in-law is a significant source of money/support. Is your spouse talking to him and asking him to speak for her?

[Nammu]

Yep....what bird dancer said. Jumping from 12 to 40 is huge, plus there is the following day of ect that is a bit of a lag or hangover ect effect.

[~Christina]

Yes I third Birddancer

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Your father-in-law should maybe keep his nose out of your business, I think. What are your spouse's views on this? She is the only person you need to talk to unless your father-in-law is a significant source of money/support. Is your spouse talking to him and asking him to speak for her?

I haven't yet had a chance to talk with my wife about this. The in-laws do help us some, there is that pressure (guilt). I doubt my wife has spoken to him about it. I'm guessing that he's just been silently judging me for some time and has finally given in to his opinion about me.


I should've expected it. -or at least not been so surprised. Last Saturday, while here at our house for lunch, he played Daigle's song "You Say", suggesting that if I only followed the philosophy of her song lyrics I could think myself to perfect health. (I think that was the song. Don't shoot me if I'm wrong.)

Thanks, everybody, for responding.

There’s so much to think about. Working can be so satisfying — for me it’s one of the only things that gives my life real purpose and meaning. But it took a long time to get to a place where full time was realistic (and even now there are frequent blips).

Do you think jumping from 12 hr/wk to full time in one leap is practical? I don’t know that this analogy works, but you wouldn’t up your meds from X mg to XXX mg in one go. You’d move up little by little to give your body and mind time to adjust. Maybe full time work is a realistic option for you, but If you were my loved one, I’d hope you’d take your time and take realistic and manageable steps.

It’s not fair, and it hurts, but most people will never understand the nuances of mental illness. I like to think the majority of them don’t say hurtful or judgmental things out of spite — they just couldn’t possibly know better.
Best to you!

[Wild Coyote]

I agree with BirdDancer.
Your FIL has stepped over the line.
He may need some educating?
I hope his behavior is not too upsetting to you!

WC

[Fuzzybear]

I do think he’s gone too far by implying you’re not doing all you can..

It’s a boundary crossing ... he’s probably completely clueless though

“Thinking oneself to perfect health” .. hmmm.. if only.

I think he does need educating.

[Daonnachd]

By the way, I've now spoken with my wife. She agrees that he was way out of line and that he needs to be educated.

[Nammu]

That's great!

[Daonnachd]

What do you think of the NAMI page for educating him?
Bipolar disorder | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
Its section on depression is relatively short, but reasonably clear.

I'm open to other webpages if you know of something better. I want to be sure it touches on the profundity of depression and possibility that it may get so bad I want to end it all.

[tecomsin]

Hi D,
I"m sorry you are going through this with your FIL. That is pretty good introduction to bipolar disorder. It doesn't have to be to the point of suicidality to make people unfit for full time work. Severe depression is debilitating all on it's own.

Next time your FIL tries to send you hints maybe you can acknowledge that you know he wants you to get a full time job, but it just isn't possible right now to jump from 12 hours to 40 hours with regular ECT treatments.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

By the way, I've now spoken with my wife. She agrees that he was way out of line and that he needs to be educated.

I'm happy you did that, and happy that your wife is standing by your side

[Daonnachd]

What do you think of this message to my FIL?

I don't think you understand what I'm going through with bipolar, so here are a couple web pages with good educational information.

Bipolar disorder | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

About Bipolar Disorder - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance


Add regular ECT maintenance treatment on top of the basics here and things rapidly become even more complicated. Please realise I constantly fight a much more difficult battle than you can imagine.

Eric

[Wild Coyote]

I think this is a very helpful message to give to your FIL.
I hope it helps.
You deserve to be understood and supported!

WC

Agree with WC.
Good luck!