Haven't cried in years

Hello all, I am new to the forums and recently sought care for what I think is Bipolar II. I had been diagnosed with depression and ADD in the past, but have never stayed on medication due to either feeling better or having swings that appeared worse than the symptoms I was experiencing. Now at age 35, I was talking with a colleague that has bipolar and when discussing her recent manic episode, I realized there were similarities between her story and some stories I have in my own history.

What has troubled me the most is that I have not cried legitimately for almost 10 years. It has been a while since my last manic/hypomanic symptoms (aside from when I have excess alcohol) but nevertheless have reviewed the DSM criteria and think that the diagnosis fits.

I started Lamictal last week along with the Effexor that I was started on in December (very low dose). I have not noticed much change yet, but since I am starting the taper, I expect it will be a bit until I see changes.

I don't think crying or even sadness is a required symptom for depression. I can be depressed, but not "sad" in the way I consider sadness.

I, too, am not easily prone to crying. I sometimes am just seriously numb or experience what I call "tight fist in my stomach", if anyone can understand what I'm talking about by that. When I do cry, it's often in short bursts that can be quickly followed by nervous laughter. This is most frequent during my mixed episodes, but yet I also tend to have the "tight fist in stomach" feeling then, too, or anger.

I do cry a lot when losing someone I really loved, but luckily that doesn't happen often. Even then, the "tight fist in stomach" feeling can happen.

A lot of my depressions that are not clearly situational depressions result more in the numb feeling or so dragged down in energy and motivation that life seems too challenging. That challenging feeling is significant, and can bring on extreme hopelessness or a desperation and/or inability to enjoy life. My thoughts slow down to an eerie nothing, again, unless there are mixed features involved.

over the past two and a half years i have hardly cried at all, despite having some very severe depression episodes. sometimes depression isn't "sad", it's just feeling terrible in a numb, empty, dead kind of way. i'm not sure why it bothers you that you rarely cry - but it sometimes bothers me in the way that it feels like i could maybe get rid of frustration if i just could cry a bit.

Welcome to the forums!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home here!

I rarely cry, too. I am more apt to feel numb.

I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

Thank you three for the replies. I think I am bothered because it feels like apathy even though I see myself as a caring individual. I think that crying would be an outlet. I certainly have other signs of depression and began treatment for those prior to my latest visit for bipolar. I appreciate knowing that there are others that are on this same journey.

I too rarely cry. Mostly when I am depressed I am just numb. If I crying it’s usually while I am IP because the depression has gotten extreme. The last time I cried was in IP four months ago. I cried for like three days straight.

I haven't cried in probably 15 years - my husband tells me and others that he cries 100x more than me.

I did choke up slightly when our local newscast broke with the news that Robin Williams died but again, it wasn't really crying - it was more like a tear escaped.

Sometimes I wish I could cry because I think it would be a good release.

I think it's a great release, too!
I get angry when I can cry and H tells me to stop crying!? I think he is done doing this now. Lol!

WC

I just wanted to say welcome. I hope you respond nicely to your medicine.

I used to cry all the time. I need a nice cry right now but it's like I have a cork in it. I want to cry so bad but can't!