I love my husband dearly. I really do. However, I'm feeling like I have less and less say about the bigger things in our lives. He is receptive to my ideas and desires for many little things in life, and yet not even always a sufficient/equal number of those.

I hate to fight or argue, and am not as good as him at doing so. He has a law background and has always been good at winning debates, even when his ideas/views are clearly not the most practical. I generally don't really care how things go, but there are some major decisions/ideas he's voiced that I do downright dread. The difficult thing is that I've been on disability for so long that our financial situation is not good. We can no longer afford to live where we do. I feel bad about that, and yet he doesn't blame me. But the fact of the matter is, if I had been working all of these years, some of the big ideas he has to save us from our financial situation, would not even be suggested. I used to make even more money than him back in the day. I felt that gave me a little bit of extra leverage.

Hubby and I are both dreamer types, but as said, I'm a more practical one. I am better able to realize pros and cons of situations, reality, and predict difficulties. I have come up with so many compromise ideas that seem reasonable, and yet he discounts all of them so stubbornly. My psychiatrist, and most recent three therapists agree that my ideas are the most rational and safe. I know my situation. I can predict possible reactions.

Hubby wants to move back to Europe. Maybe to some, moving to Europe sounds exciting, but believe me, it's not that exciting for me. I love my state. I love being near my family. I love that I have a comfort where I am. I adore my psychiatrist. I'm happy being able to speak English everywhere. I like that doing errands is not excessively stressful. He wants to move to a country where we have no one, can't speak the language, and are far from all family, and have zero friends. I told him that moving is often one of the top 10 most stressful things to do in life. Add all of these other challenges, and it is potentially destabilizing. How am I going to find a therapist that speaks English that I like? I have trouble finding therapists in the US that I like?

I won't go into my compromise suggestions here, but as said, he's shot every one of them down. There is part of me that wishes I could just stay in the US and he could go, but I'd be devastated to lose him. Unlike him, I'm frugal and swear that I could live like a pauper and be happy, but not him. Instead of thinking about inexpensive cottages, he has these crazy ideas about places with ocean views and pools in Portugal. And I am the one with bipolar disorder!

Thanks for letting me vent here.

[Wild Coyote]

This must be very frustrating.

I, too, have been disabled for a long time (over 30 years) and my inability to work has definitely had an impact. We see this more and more as those around us talk about retirement. Where can we afford to retire? Hubby often thinks of places far away from our families and all we know. I listen to him; yet, I maintain we need to be near our support system. I think I would also find a big move very destabilizing; in fact, I am not even interested in making that kind of a move. We may need to compromise, eventually.

While I don't totally agree with my hubby's suggestions, I am very happy we can continue to share ideas and can talk through the suggestions.

My best to you and to yours!


WC

Thank you, Wild Coyote

[~Christina]

I’m sorry your in the situation of having the more rational thinking about how such a move would be not in your best interest his either.

My husband and I live dirt poor most of the time and now with us both on disability we have no other choice , thankfully we own our home.

Don’t back off the points that make more rational thoughts, hopefully he will see your view and realize it’s more in line with your current situation.

Sorry you even have to deal with things like this.

[luvyrself]

In my situation its the opposite. LA became way too expensive for retirement, so I hatched the plan and had to plan making 3 moves in 4 years to get us into our equity building house while he fools with his stocks. He is always very resistant to change. So I do the planning, the implementing, then he is better with financial day to day like the insurance, house loan etc. I worked my whole life and the structure helped, but the stress hurt w my bipolar which I didnt even fully understand at the time. I cant even do math often w the bipolar.
I could work at home, Im even halfway through my real estate license, but I may do volunteer work instead so I can have less stress while I strategize his medical care (wow you have to keep an eye out w the current system of med care) and keep things humming around the house. I take the role of bad cop planner and he likes to be the laid back good cop esp with my son and grandkids. Hope to adjust that slightly. I have a dear dear friend here whose son is bipolar who totally gets me and no way am I leaving her.
I will think of you BirdDancer when I watch the fascinating House Hunters International! It really shows the pros and cons of moving abroad.